3rd Testimony- "Old Iron Fence"

3rd Testimony- "Old Iron Fence"

 

Dear Haides,

Sometimes I wonder what kind of messes I unconsciously fall into. I go to sleep and wake up every day and night with something on my mind. Or somebody. Ezra. Ezra is an old friend of mine, he is a black cormorant. I have known him for a little over a year. He had always been there for me through thick and thin, even through our toughest times we still would be friends. But, Ezra had developed a stream of constant feelings for me since not long after we met. I have spied on him a few times, not literally, but through his eyes. I feel like there is some kind of evil hidden beneath him. I cannot quite put a finger on it, but whatever it is, he has been doing a great job at hiding it. After going on a couple of journeys, he is not the same man I thought he would be.

Myron warned me before of Ezra and I did listen, but I did not act fast enough. Ezra had already eaten up a small piece of my soul. I swore never to let anyone into that place again, but he went in without knocking, or a single warning. Every time we went out I would act like I was having a good time, but in the back of my mind lingered Iah. Little does Ezra know, that I am only trying to heal. I really appreciated the first rose he gave me. The thorns on it pricked me. It is now dying on the vase I have hung to a tree.

Ever since I knew that Ezra would be there for me I accepted it, and he is always there. But I did not want him to be, nor do I like the awful tone he uses with me. As scornful and tight-fisted as he can be, his voice hurts more than just my ears. I never thought it would be such a mess. But, somehow there are others who are happy and I have to be happy for them.

Recently Harmonia and Myron have been getting along very well. As caring and kind as they are, everybody is trying to stop them and it seems quite unfair. I admit to feeling some discomfort, but I do not have the room to say anything because I am the one who killed everything in the first place. Although the gang and I have officially become closer and they now notice my presence, I knew I had to be prepare myself for whatever is coming towards me. I love them both very much and I just want them to keep on smiling, no matter what anybody else would say, even myself. I do not deserve the happiness that they would have. I never really did, yet I've buried another hole, and I covered it with my own dirt.

Harmonia is beautiful, charming, and I am glad she is that way because she gives me hope that I can be like that too. Although, we do fight at times, we forgive each other directly after. She even warned me of the evil after my weak presence. She has only made me stronger. My confidence lies in her true beauty and elegance.

One thing that is ironic is that I did not want to give Ezra a chance. Not one, until I realized what was going on on this crazy earth. So I decided to dig more dirt over the earth's core I punctured again. Thoughtless, I felt confident. My ego was altered into the clouds. Selflessly hoping that I would find my way through this, I wished that all my friends would lead a life with no stress and sorrows; I would hate to see them lifeless and in my shoes.

As I sit here in the dark, burning a cigarette and drinking my sixth coffee, I feel shaky; I am jittery and lost in words. I do not know how to tell Ezra that I cannot keep on moving. The man is in love with me, but I do not believe it, and if I tell him now, later, or never, I will always know what kind of consequences will come about.

How do you do it Haides? How do you hold yourself together so well? How do you not fall apart? How can you accept life the way it goes and stay so calm about it? Please tell me your secret while I testify my life to you. I can hide only so much on this branch that one day my wings will wear me deeper into the roots of the truth. Here I am, Haides, still chained to this old iron fence.

Regards,

Nyx

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

"How do you do it Haides? How do you hold yourself together so well? How do you not fall apart? "
I like the above question a lot. I like the description of your friendship with Ezra. Knowing the darkness and accepting his friendship. No weakness in the chapter. Thank you for sharing the excellent chapter.
Coyote