1st Testimony- "An Ode To Falling Leaves"

  Strong winds carrying the marrow's songs of the earth had woven carefully over the Musterion River and into the cold, dry lands of Avon. As I was approaching the golden gate, my whole journey had been reviving itself before my eyes, leaving the vital branches and vines to obstruct my view. Many rows and rows of autumn foliage were falling down, some leaves that had never been, all as I was hitting the depth of the grounds, solidly rooted all the way into the past. 

I am looking at nature through its eye I can nearly touch it. I never understood the meaning of standing on one foot until I fell upon the same tree branches repetitively. Not that I could never really reach them, but there had always been a strong force pushing my weight down. My wings are so long, so bold, and brave that reluctantly I have lost feeling of them since I have become one of my own. I am a flightless cormorant, they call me Nyx.

Nyx is a Greek name, it means 'night', in terms of mythology it means 'goddess of the night'. I was not the one who chose this brilliant name, my guardian had chosen it for me. Haides had been more than just a guardian and according to his name he is the unseen. A rising light has been hidden beneath the steep hill which cover the forests and rivers. I attempt to fly past the red-fern trails; a pathway to the light. Attempting this journey everyday and  night, a zephyr has to strike my already flightless wings down, leaving Haides waiting for me to testify in vain.

I confess to this testimony of my sorrows, regrets, pride, happiness, sins, love, grief and hope. Hope, none that I ever have believed in, which had never left me much faith from the past life. Nostalgia. What is it? Besides listening to a song that reminds you of a time that once was, but has vanished; it does refer to moments that you can never get back, thus you can only cherish the memory, the taste, or the thought in your head spinning endlessly. In simple terms, moving on in life does hurt; changes scare us all. Yet, if a turbulence of clouds can keep a plane from falling down, than a godawful tsunami cannot drag my wings any lower. 

I cannot bear to be so unfamiliar with all assumptions. No matter how much I attempt to dodge these obstacles, I keep falling back into the same ditch. I keep falling and remembering every chance I had lost, or anything I was in love with in the past. Nostalgia to me is just plain abominable, for it simply cannot be avoided. Too many thoughts and questions can drive a soul downhill, leaving us stranded in the darkest of the crevasses.

Nobody is free, even birds with unbroken wings are chained to the sky, and my wings are only abstain. However, neither of us can leave the stratosphere, and if we do, we would get burned into the O-Zone layer, or fall into a traumatic void.

Haides has taught me one thing, which is not to exceed my wants, causing them to turn into needs. When you think more than what needs to be contemplated, then your thoughts become a necessity, a trauma and a concussion. Too many questions in life will not give any right answer; maybe just erase them. Life is just a test; it is a simple, loyal, long yet fast test.

 

Dear Haides,

           I hope you find it somewhere in your prodigious mind of wondrous ethos to forgive my thoughts, my actions, and my ordinals. My sense of direction towards the steep paths have been formed into one crisis of tangled and crossed bands of wires. Recently, I had come back from a good times' Summer vacation. I flew back to the far west for a few months to get away from restrictive labor.

            In the summer I met another cormorant,  a great cormorant by the name of Judah. I had met him in the Lands of the Odd, a forbidden place where I fear to return to. Judah was a male cormorant who flew so high that he would have never let me down, especially the moments he would promise to take me away to a better and safer place. However, he was only a temporary comfort since Iah. I have not found the right bird yet, except for he. Iah is a cormorant that had stole my heart and flew away. He was stolen away from me by the distance of seas and by another bird whose wretched soul makes my blood boil. But I myself was let down by being ripped away. I ripped myself down from his shielded wings of armor, yet I felt no comfort since. However, my closest friend and voice to my consciousness, Myron, had helped me through these times. I owe him more than a life time for all the moments he helped me back on my feet.

            Myron was a man of his own words, actions and thoughts. Yet, he gave others a chance to listen to his voice of honor when they needed it the most. Every morning I Would wake up to make sure Myron was awake at the same moment I was. I knew deep down that I was nothing but a bird of sorrow, and to make things worse, one that cannot fly. He is a human, he has no wings, yet I would always see him fly.

            What am I besides bad news and a depressant to others? Maybe they all see me that way, but I do try to lock the sadness inside. It has always been inevitable for me to show any emotion since an attack I had encountered more than six years ago. Having been through a complicated past, there were certain circumstances as a younger cormorant that had affected me at heart. I did nothing but try to be the best, or someone else who I could never be. It all trailed me into nothing but lies, false hope, and the pure wickedness of others; the wickedness of others stepping over me, crumbling me into pieces, and even taking their own way with me. I have an ability to forgive and forget at the same time. A blessing was sent upon me one day. 

           Haides, do you remember the gift you had laid in front of my eyes seven years ago? It was Anthemis. The moment I discovered Anthemis, I knew that it was my journey to make sure I do not care as much as I used to. The destiny to all hope and manifesting the delinquency to failures that I used to take to heart is now imponderable. It made me realize that that was the only thing I needed to relieve me of my guilt, pain and anger; Anthemis.

A single apparatus that relieves the mind, the soul, the heart, and bring the mind to rest; One thing to bring you at peace, which is something people overlook for the slug being drenched into human minds and dehydrating the blood lines of the ancestral mankind. One notion that we call the fiber of our own hidden imaginary creations, is sheltered inside of our small but vast minds.

Ask yourself do you really know what you are listening to, do you really know exactly what you are watching? Do you think it is not affecting your thinking, behavior and beliefs? The truth is, the way we see things is the way they are perceived; thus, there are signals sent to my mind, and that is how I want to take my point of view, but I am far from that perception. I do not know how we all really appear, and looking at these moving pictures, I do not know what is real anymore.

            To enjoy life's long stream of black and white, even gray filmed roll, I have created my own scenery. Anthemis is the notion that I have depended on in order to keep moving and to further attempt to fly. I always breathe successfully when I am blessed multiple times with this manna from heaven; Haides, I still thank you for that.

 

Yours forever, 

Truth and confession

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

"Nobody is free, even birds with unbroken wings are chained to the sky, and my wings are only abstain."
I enjoyed the chapter. The above line were my favorite. You open the door to many thoughts and topics in the chapter. I like the thoughts and reason for the chapter. Thank you for sharing the excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Namaa Hammond]

Thank you so much, Coyote for all your reviews. I really appreciate them and I am glad to know somebody is reading these testimonies because they are indeed very important and secretive. Again, I thank you so much you have made my day. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are a amazing writer. I will return to finish the story. This could be a book.

[Namaa Hammond]

I plan on it one day. Thanks. :)

[Sabrina Alexandra]

Wow. Beautiful writing, it brings everything to life.

I can see you with a book deal.

[nostal]

Very rich.

[Ruth]

Superb work!
There is such a striving here and it is tangible. I enjoyed this a lot...the emotion is powerfully prosed throughout and makes the reader connect and identify to the metaphor used...
Wonderfully emotive, I shall look forward to reading the rest love, pleasure to meet you xox