I have those times when I've just wanted to rip my heart out... it really hurts doesn't it? I hate how my parents tell me I'm just a kid stuck in a woman's body, trying to scream out for help and beating every last part of me, Inside they don't really know how cheerful I can be, I was always so distant... I was never appreciated, whenever I was my parents would just say, "Yeah, thanks." "Thank you." In a either cold tone or distant... and my Mom is always saying how beautiful my sisters are... I never get complimented like that... she always tells them how special they are too her, always saying how much they mean to her... when I told my Mom I hated her she just looked at me like I was bothering her, she always tells my sisters how much she loves them, my Dad left us when I was twelve years old, he never looked me in the eye, my Mom always tells my sisters how wonderful they are, everyone thinks I'm just some freak... when I'm working my a*s off cleaning the house at thirteen they just give all the credit to my sisters, we started living at my Mom's boyfriends house, at fourteen, I was even more distant than before... I cried almost every night although it was only secretly, at age fifteen I got the courage to ask my Mom, "Mom, would you care if I ran away?" She didn't answer so I took it as a "I don't care." so I called my best friend at twelve am "N-Nina?" "Yeah? what's wrong are you crying?" she said in a concerned voice, "Y-Yeah.. I need you're help... could you come over and pick me up?" "Yeah but... why?" "I'm running away, my Mom doesn't care..." "I see... alright I'll be over there in a minute..." I was thinking about my past and I remembered how I had lost all my memories at ten years old, I don't remember anything before that... when I ask why people just nod and look sad, so Nina picked me up three minutes after the call, I gathered all my belongings and all I left was a note, and that note said, 'Mom, Nana, Nami, I'm sorry I left... I had no other choice but to leave... I didn't feel appreciated, I didn't feel loved, I felt so lonely, and the pain is something I just couldn't bear... I didn't want to have to see you guys read this message and I left my cellphone on the counter you may never see me again, if I ever see you guys again I will possibly try to run away, but running isn't something I'd want to do, I'm sorry for leaving this message and not saying anything in person... I guess I'm a coward huh? I always thought the littlest things are the most important... so I don't want to cause any trouble, or be a troubling existence so I want to be forgotten... no matter how much it hurts, I hate being forgotten and I hate being Ignored, I hate being left out... Goodbye, Love you, Yuki.' after a year I was still living with Nina and her Mom, I did all the chores and I payed some of the bills, they told me I shouldn't have but I still did, because I didn't want to be a burden... It's been a year since I've seen my mother and my sisters, I wonder how they're doing, my cellphone was ringing so I picked it up, "H-Hello?" "Hello is this Yuki Takamura?" Who is this? I've never heard this voice, "Um, yes... who is this?" "This is Kouhei, Kouhei Yoshida" "May I ask what you called me for?" "Um yes, you're mother had just died recently in a car crash with two younger woman, her daughters..." "W-What!?" "I'm sorry, but they died two days ago..." "T-This can't be..." I don't know why but I didn't cry... I just sat there... "The funeral is in a couple of days..." "I'm coming..." I hung up and told Nina everything she started crying, "Why are you crying?" "Cause you're probably hurting..." "I'm fine..." I went to the funeral a couple days later and everyone was crying and staring at me, I wasn't crying, I heard whispers... 'What a heartless girl! her mother and sisters had just died and she's smiling!" when I was thirteen years old I found a notebook from when I was ten years old... it said 'My mommy always tells me how special I will always be! she always says that she loves me... and she always hugs me when I cry and she doesn't even yell at me when I do something bad... she always said to me to keep smiling cause than everyone else would be happy, she told me even if something horrible happens keep smiling...' than my older brother came up and hugged me... and told me, "It's alright to cry..." I started crying at his words... I cried in his chest and got his shirt wet... I went back home to Nina and her mom, "H-How'd it go?" "Fine..." I tried smiling but I ended up crying.
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