I've Been Here Before

And so I’m here

Sitting on this leather couch

Trying to decide which parts of myself to cut off before the therapist finds them

And there she is

Getting down her demographics, putting out papers for me to sign with ink blacker than I think I’ll ever be

As I sigh, I wonder if my parent’s health care is enough for this

Am I enough for this?

Am I mentally sick enough for this?

When I say I’m depressed I sound way too cheery

I want to grab the words again, shove them into my throat again

I want to take the unraveled threads of my skin and leave the pride between my legs

The boy that was in the waiting room smiled at me

We are almost one of the same, almost

His mother says loudly that he has schizophrenia

And i feel like I do not belong here

My problems are not nearly as serious enough

The therapist asks me if I’ve ever thought of suicide

I swallow had, her eyebrow raises, and I lie

Actions speak louder than words

Someone with depression that has no suicide attempts is not sick enough

My therapist encourages that I’m suffering from depression, not having it

She’s right, I’m suffering from my mind

Or rather, maybe suffering from a body that refuses to let me die

But I think for a moment

Just a moment

If only a moment

That if this body is so stubborn as to keep me alive for this long

Then maybe I will humor it enough just to see how long it will allow me to live

Reviews

[B]

I have always found the medical practice to be so opportunistic with exception to a few locations in the world..... but the worst are therapists ..... we all have some sort of mental illness that we fight everyday
Its part of being human
and if a professional could really help
It would never be in a room and it would never end by talking it out
Rather a true professional would join an active community that provides a social cushion for you to live in
and disorders disappear only in that setting
where a professional slowly creates the world you need to see happiness
We all suffer from suicidal thoughts at some point
and only the truly brave admit to it
I think you really are a brave one for writing this
I wouldn't have this much courage to do it

Write on :)