Never Wanted to Dance, Before

This is something of a sequel to "Desire to Be Undone." It's a radical departure from my normal style. The idea to set up the poem was influenced by poem written by Apryl Skies.

 

Step [left].

Move [right].

 

First move?

We might.

 

I can see the wind in your eyes

We’re movin’ [left] the moment

            -[shakes].

[Smile] knows the rain that she cries;

-[turn]-it.

 

For when she [moves], hon

Life’s on-fire window [turn]s, you see?

-[twirl]

                                    -[left]

-[move]

-[right]

            -[Say]-it!

-[stare]

-[In]-your-seas.

 

Your style’s been a while - [wink]

"Our story's not yet over," we [speak].

                    -it's-[unreal].

We're [here] and we're so  grown now, I think.

 -she's-[grown]                  -she's-[meek]

             -I-[touch]

                               -Her-[cheek]

Over-magined motions tragic [rain] for miles.

 

[Shift] thunder seems to wonder

When I’m gonna [hold] your hand

-[stop]!

            -[wait]

                        -we-[feel]

            -[sundered]

                        -[bold]!

[Silence] leaves me waiting inside

                                    -Oh!

She [breathes] lonely only seems to me

-the way that she [sigh]s.

Tonight was perfect, babe [right]

            -to [seein’] you and me in your skies.

 

Move [left].

Step [right].

 

We say?

Goodnight.

There's more to us than just nostalgia, hon.

Author's Note

I've had this idea for a while now, and I've finally found a way to execute it, I think.

This poem has a lot of elements of old school rap, which I've been listening to again lately. I thought using a form of art I have such nostalgia for would make sense here.

Reviews

[wicked.wanderer]

I really like crazy formatting, so of course I was like WHOAH!
And then I wanted to applaud you, even if you wouldn't see, because you made it /work/.
This isn't just words and images, it's motion itself; I've never seen this before.
It's just me, but I'd tweak the last line and drop the "hon" off the end.
I think that'd make this super-duper poignant, resonant, amaranthine.
You know?
I won't forget this the way it is, but there wouldn't be a CHANCE if it was as strong as I see it being without the "hon".

God, I love reading random people's stuff.
This made me so happy.
:]

I also, before I shut up, would like to note that I loved the way you made these sentences flow
It's obvious you have a great sense of how words can.. well, move.
It's a talent I think every poet strives to perfect in some way, and never can.
I know my words don't move.
And I know that Patrick Mikulec, my poetry-inspiration and Creative-Writing teacher extraordinaire, doesn't have living, breathing poems either.
Definitely pat yourself on the back.

[Butterflymom]

Brillant, creative, and original. Well done!

[Wildecat]

This is a very creative effort, took me a bit to get used to the way the words danced across the page, but once I got the hang of it, I enjoyed what I read. Nice write.

[black_rose_obsession]

this is an amazing poem I can barely wrap my head around it to read it but it amazing, I could not possibly even begin to imagine actually writing something like this personally I am a dancer and I simply love this

[Brianna Brie]

I can appreciate what you are doing in this poem. It took me awhile to read it correctly. It does dance across the page, but more importantly the actual words twirl upon my soul. Thanks for entering the Missing Him, Missing Her contest.