A secret strength

Its simple...

i didnt get pregnaant because i wanted him to stay

i didnt get pregnant because i was in love

i didnt get pregnant on purpose.

 

i didnt stay because i cared

i didnt stay because i was happy

i stayed out of fear..

 

its simple....

 

i left because i had enough

i came back

 

because his words were sweet and promising..

 

i didnt cry because i was happy

i cried because i was alone

 

 

its simple..

 

i didnt ask for help

not because i didnt want to

not because i didnt know how to

i didnt ask for help..

its simple...

i couldnt

 

i didnt lie on purpose

i lied because i had to

 

its not like i didnt fight

beecause i did

i even got the chance to watch my life

replay in seconds before my eyes

as i stared into the black empty monsterous eyes

 

of a man who put me on the floor

with his fingers around my neck

 

its simple..

 

i didnt stop fighitng because i was weak

i stopped fighting

 

because i new what i had to do

 

to keep breathing.

 

i didnt do wat i was told because i was his pet

i did wat i was told

 

 once i stared down the barrel of a gun

i did wat i was told

 

 once his thumb ran down the blade.

 

Its simple...

 

i didnt sit and take it,

i fought,

i spat back.

i found the strength to do what i had to...

"I love you."

"I never want to be without you."

"Im sorry."

"I know baby, its my fault."

..

　

I didnt get pregnant because i was in love.

I didnt get pregnant because i wanted him to stay

its simple...

i wanted to sleep...

its simple...

you do what you have to do,

to survive.

its really not that simple.

 

The strength that pushed me through

 

 and kept me alive

 

 came from a tiny little heart stowed away deep within my

 

tummy...

 

The strength that keeps me going even to this day..

waking up every morning and wrapping my son in my arms

seeing his smile and knowing that he's safe,

Author's Note

Domestiv Violence is real. Rape is not a joke. Everyday there are women trying to leave and being killed, stalked by their abusers. There are babies being conceived by rape.
But there are women who are capable of escaping their real life nightmares. with or without help. people need to be more aware of this growing problem. there are a number of hotlines and places to go that will help protect and get you out.
It is a very terrifying thing when you decide to leave your abuser. Be smart. make a plan. and dont turn back.