Just Breathing

I didn't really proof read or fixed anything. This is just my honest feelings that I needed to vent out.

Just Breathing.

I woke up today, took 3 steps to the bathroom and got ready for work.

I went to work, smiled, laugh and talked to people.

I got home and I gave myself some personal time.

This is my life on a good day, I was able to get up and do something. 

I woke up today, stayed in bed and let the countless thoughts run my head.

I'm still in bed, tossing and turning. 

I quit my job, and stayed in my room all day.

This is my life on a bad day, I never wanted to wake up.

Nothing triggered me into having a good or bad day. Something I really don't have control over.

I can make the best out of it, but sometimes I can just not care for anything.

I know I'm depressed, but I don't know how far I can go. I know things in my past have traumatized me, but I chose not to deal with it. I know I have bi-polar disorder but no one takes it seriously, so I haven't either. 

I know I'm fucked mentally and emotionally, but I know that others are going through much worse. We live in a world full of anger, controlled by money and separated by the color of our skin or the way we choose to live our lives.

I try constantly to beat into my mind, while I'm at home searching for something to fill this void in my heart, there are some searching for a roof to stay under, or food to put into their stomachs. I feel awful that I'm not appreciating what I have, I do feel like I'm taking it for granted. However, it doesn't stop me from feeling empty. I try and try but I still feel so empty. 

I don't know what to do or how to go about fixing things. For once in my life, I'm asking for help but I don't know if there is anyone out there that can help. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I being selfish? I just feel really hopeless and confused. I'm just breathing.