Carter

Just a short beginning to a story I'm starting...

Carter couldn’t believe the extent to which her beauty stretched. It seemed endless, with an unlimited number of twists and turns that in their own way made her more and more beautiful with every corner rounded. As he stared, his mind wandered to all of the wonderful times he had shared with her, carefully sweeping the negative memories under a carpet of infatuation.

            He had stared for too long.

            With a significant surge of willpower, his eyes darted away from the back of her head and travelled around the classroom. First to the clock hanging on the wall, then down and to the left to the open window. A cold breeze wafted through it, and without realizing it, his eyes slipped back into their most comfortable position, pointed right at the back of her head. She shivered from the breeze. He held his breath; he didn’t know why, but her presence seemed to be a thing that merited a sacrifice on his behalf. Allowing his mind to focus on breathing whilst looking at her seemed to be a betrayal of her beauty.

            He had been staring for too long again.

            His eyes now found their way down to his hands. The watch on his right wrist ticked away impatiently as he pushed his knuckles of his left hand into his right palm. The pop of the joints caused a few heads to turn, but it was a regular enough occurrence that no one gave it much thought. He then cracked the knuckles of his right hand, yielding no reaction this time around. He sighed and turned his wrist to look at the time. Two minutes left. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her move. His gaze flitted back to her. She was packing her bag in anticipation of the bell. He began to do the same. Slipping the laptop on his desk into the case, his peripheral vision was still solely focused upon her.

            The bell went. Had it already been two minutes? Standing up, Carter’s head spun. He hadn’t gotten enough sleep the night before. In a stupor, he slung his bag over his shoulder and lifted the black puffy jacket off the back of his chair, folding it over his arm. Every step toward the door was accompanied with the sound of the soles of his shoes lightly skimming the floor. One sleeve of his jacket fell out of the bundle and joined his heels in their union with the linoleum tile. He gave the teacher an absent nod, receiving precisely the same in return, and with lazy strides made his way through the door.

Reviews

[Cyndy Robinson]

It was a good opening, not enough here to really comment on, it just started. But was interesting in the 4 paragraphs that were here!

[Richard Patrick]

It sounds like the girl has captivated your heart. Dear sir, it was exquisite.










It sounds like the person has stolen your heart. It allows you
to be able to see the interest you have in this person. It is
a good opening. You have allowed the reader to see, this in
your heart.

Now, that you have allowed us to know, your love. Of this
woman. You have to be able to do this, but now what are you
going to do this. Piece, it has hieghtened the interest in this
piece. Which is what a writer must do.

I congradulate you on this peice. Keep at it. I have enjoyed the
piece. I will take a look around to see, what else you have to offer
to the reader. I thank you in writing this,

Sincerely


Richard Patrick Edwards

[richieb]

Janky, very good start to a story of blind infatuation and illusions of perfection. "Poor Carter". Just kidding, will be watching to see where you take it. Richie B.

[M P Ramesh]

Janky,
Carpet is a best place to hide, when it comes under infatuation it adorns the poetic hide.Fiction shares a very very thin barrier with poetry. Milan Kundera can be supplemented with a direct initiative with respect to open infatuation theory. Once staring is regarded as a sin, what is left in LOVE?
A REAL VIVID NARRATIVE ON THE PANG OF LOVE WIDELY READ , TOLD, ANALYSED , pmED (POST-MORTEM) by great genius (es) after the language was invented. But the writer has still has something to add on her own . Whatelse is called the talent?
carry on..............


MP Ramesh

[D Driva]

Obsession. His thoughts are breezy and well captured. Well its still abridged and the plot is still in the incubator.

But I can see the steam of a promising tale. I can't wait. By the way the word architecture is superb.

[Nadav]

Thanks!! :) I've written quite a lot more now, I just wanted to see if it was even interesting enough to get into. Appreciate the review. :D