Hi... Again...

So... Happy birthday Gran...

So, today is my Grans birthday... 21st January... NZ time...

She passed a nearly 7 years ago... Will be 7 on my sisters birthday...

The 12th of August... Again, NZ time...

This is for you Gran...

You were my rock... My mum... My world...

When I lost you... I fell... Still trying to pick myself up...

I love you... I miss you... Even though I fought with you...

I didn't know how sick you were... No one told me... Fully.

I wish... Just wish... Someone had sat me down... Talked to me...

Told me to ease up... Told me everything... But as people say...

That's in the past... Move on... Grow up... Hard to do...

When your whole life... Whole world... Your solid ground...

Collapses... Down the well you fall... Down, down, down...

When you think you hit rock bottom... Or anything holding you up...

And something else happens... You fall more...

The ground... The solidness... You think you had...

People say that you and only you are the one to help yourself...

But when you're trying... It's those people who tend to give up on you the most...

When I first went into this well... All my friends... After a while... Gave up...

Maybe it was me... Maybe it was them... Who am I kidding?

It's always me... Always has been... Always will be...

I never change... I hate myself... More than anything...

More than anyone else ever could...

But... This is for you Gran... I love you... I miss you...

I hope one day... Maybe not today... Maybe not this year...

But one day... I make you proud... I make you happy...

I make you see... The girl... Woman... You hoped I'll grow to be...

Love

Gemzi

Edited in 2024: Took out deadname, left in nickname.