Heaven & Hell

A little hectic

Books just distractions from my mind’s swirling chase.
Imagining grand proclamations fights I’d never face.

Outside the crowd. Find peace in being alone.
Imagining and yearning to feel something to own.

I answer my mind’s protest with the blues.
The tiny weights of most things added, not just bad news.

I want that big party where sex’s is behind every set of pretty eyes.
A larger pool to fish for the magic prize.

I want something I’ve not seen partners, jobs or scenes.
Maybe too old now, but I have the means.

My body can’t take it, but I want new thrills.
Aches, pains and anxiety are why I need pills.

I was never going to study hard. Not going for an MBA.
I was never in it for the money. Mostly for T&A.

Not going to take up just one thing for life. I gotta have change.
No passion for just one subject. I study the range.

Jesus and Satan split me every day.
Hedonism and priesthood are my natural way.

I crave to feel, but my brain’s dull.
Injustice, suffering, and poverty move me, nothing else has much pull.

Sensations are trouble, life becomes whoredom.
Addictions versus control. My enemy’s boredom.

I got older and colder, began to self-stimulate.
Afraid to lose control, I made myself moderate.

Alcohol, drugs, sex, and no profession. Faith in pointlessness makes me afraid to quit.
I’m good and evil. No concession. That’s it.

Only frustration, repression, weighs on my soul.
Home alone. Sex isn’t my role.

I drink to blind and still bounce at dawn.
Mindful pursuits yield little, in fact they make me yawn.

As long as I live, I keep walking the wire.
The daily battle to be good and to feel. I seem to never tire.

Reviews

[.]

Poem is so true. Its always a split in life and its hard to find the middle ground

[Nathan Spark]

i am glad it resonated with you,