The Pain You Make Me Feel

Sadness surrounds my soul filled with sorrow

Gave you my heart and you threw it away

But I will be smiling by tomorrow

Try to forget about you day by day

My heart still tells me I still do love you

I am stronger than that and I will win

But I try to believe it is not true

Lying to myself is my biggest sin

I let my guard down so you could pass through

Trusting you to keep my heart forever

All you did was pass through like morning dew

Said I could have another chance, Never.

Now I will try to let all of this go

My heart is still trying to tell me no.

Reviews

[Forest Green]

Excellent expression of the complete disappointment following leaving...or being left.

Tender and honest. Not bitter or angry...simply sad.

Very good...!

Daniel

[Andrea A. Wentz]

Aww....that's so sad. (sniff) What a tragic tale of love lost and trying to be strong enough to not go back when offered. Good for you Jess! Sometimes it hurts more now to keep walking away, but it's better for you, though it's not easy.

I enjoyed the flow of this piece, I didn't get hung up on anything, and the simple words really penetrated the heart and made me feel what you must have been feeling. Excellent write! :D

[Kaden Sylvers]

good poem that could be an even better poem with a few changes:

"Sadness surrounds my soul filled with sorrow"- a little repetitive, try to use a word other than "sorrow" (or a word other than "sadness")

work on wording and sentence structure. just play around with the words and count out the rhythm in your head. use a thesaurus.

[Brenda Sue]

Very good write. Great job.

[Candle in the wind]

Someone passing through your life like morning dew is a very evocative image and poignant too unfortunately lot of things and people in life are effervescent.

[Wolfwind Words]

Very true to life. clearly showing the age old conflict between what one knows is right and what one feels or wants to feel. Always a difficult battle. This poem flowed very well, the imagery was strong and powerful. I liked the line about passing through like morning dew. A fleeting thing that glistens beautifully for a few moments then evaporates as the sun rises high! Good job!