Thinner

Society can go screw itself with something sand papery.

I'll skip this meal
To try and heal
I don't need dinner
If I want to be...

 

Thinner

I don't need to eat
If I want to concur this feat
I want to be a winner
So I have to be...

 

Thinner

 

The pressure kicks in
As I struggle within
I don't want to be a sinner
But I need to be...

 

Thinner

 

The hunger pulls still
As I become ill
But I'm a sinner
Who needs to be...

 

Thinner

 

As I grow sick
I'm still my own worst critic
I need to be a winner
And I won't be until I'm...

 

Thinner

 

As I begin to fade
I have myself weighed
Deciding to skip dinner
Because I'm still not...

 

Thinner
 

Author's Note

I was having a low self esteem day and just felt like writing about it.

Reviews

[i.am.the.sun.]

i liked the construct of this poem, and how the "-inner" rhyme was put backwards in the second half. A B C C B A, it was neat. i also found that it read a lot more powerful if each time you say THINNER you paused before a little longer, then when you say it just go straight into the next stanza as if it were part of the first line.
also, "concur" could be "conquer" i'm pretty sure. great write though :)

[Lotus]

Great piece i can't really relate to it but the way you get your message across is unique and imaginative good job.

[Phantom Heart]

Very well done, I love the way you set up your poem, very clever.

[Kiara]

this piece=amazing!
I love how you expressed this subject so very well :)
thank you for sharing I enjoyed reading -arabella

[John Stussy]

sand paper wouldn't be painful enough in my opinion, try paper with shards of shattered glass shards on it, that might wake society up a bit more. Personally I'm still trying to figure out why toothpick people are considered "good looking." Makes no sense to me, and that's from someone who weighs in at a feathery 98 lbs! Excellent poem about the frustration with this narrow-minded view people of today have. I hope they wake up to it soon, though I'm not going to bother holding my breath on it. If you have another day like this, think about how cuddly stick figures are: they AREN'T :P Keep your chin up.

[Blue Sky]

i like the way 'thinner' gets granduer in font style whereas (oh, geeze do i sound like a declaration or what :D) the nararator contracepts ANNErExIA, ha, that's quite ingenius, brilliant!!

[Michael]

I like how you expanded the second couplet of each stanza to focus on "thinner." It really makes your point. Rhymes with it are on the rare side and you have done a nice job of it. The only thing I could even suggest to you is changing your use of "sinner" consecutively. I would either rearrange the stanza or change one of them. You could change the third stanza to something like:

The pressure kicks in
As I struggle within
For your"right" me lives inner
I just have to be...

Thinner

It is just a suggestion and a very minor point at best.

[Dr Poet]

This is a great piece. The idea of keep hitting on the rhyme with "thinner" and its getting bigger in contrast with its real meaning (as if it was an obsession growing on and on) is amazingly pure, simple and highly convincing. And it's full of sense too, of course.

[Jeremiah Medina]

I hate the way the media today and the fasion industry for that matter makes girls feel like in order to be pretty you have to never eat, i am a guy and personally think that girls who are too skinny look kind of freakish, You can be beautiful no matter how much you weigh...its inside that matters... great poem, very sad thats what it is though a sad thing...

[An owl on the moon]

So deeply sad, the kind of world we have created that pierces us like this. Your work is brilliant, yet so darkly haunting... Thank you for always writing with just honesty...