As She Dies

Eric...got a new girlfriend...

She clutches her chest,

The pain seeps through,

Her head is spinning,

With thoughts of you.

Loosing control,

Eyes filling with tears,

You think she'd be used to this,

After so many years.

Who is she? she wonders,

As she sobs on the floor.

Her heart threatens to burst,

She cannot take this anymore.

The pressure still builds,

About to destroy her chest.

Another hole in her heart,

To add to the rest.

Spinning and throbbing,

Her soul cries out,

For that time of love,

Where there was no doubt.

As the pressure builds,

The Animals cries,

His name once more,

Then in defeat it dies.

The pain and pressure,

Begins to slowly leak away,

Into printed words,

It will forever stay.

 

 

Author's Note

I felt literally like my chest was going to burst as my heart slowly exploded if I didn't write it out. Still feel like shit but I have held off the crying until I am in bed, alone, and safe from watching eyes.

Let me know what you thought. (of the poem not my little blarb)

Reviews

[The Archangel Gabriel]

Beautiful title and work of art.

I know that it is little consolation when you are feeling blue, but I have to suggest that love finds a way. If I had married the girl I was dating at your age, we could only surmise as to how miserable I would have been over the course of my life. At the time, she was really special with her saving of the animals spiel, especially the whales. But, reality kicked in, and she dropped out of the do-gooder fold. You might want to check out "Fallen Shepherds of Light" although this does not specifically reference her. It was more designed for all the lost soldiers of light throughout the years.

"Another hole in her heart,
To add to the rest."

Well said. Love is so cruel!

Peace and love,
Gabe

[Laura Monique]

Great great ending. :) I liked it a lot!! I can relate to this a lot so it really made me think

[T.B. Odin]

This is interesting to me in that it is written from the view of an observer yet it is actually what is going on inside of the writer. This shows great strength and writing creativeness. To have the ability to separate your self and see what is happening instead of what is being felt is fantastic. I really enjoyed this even though it was of pain and suffering on the grandest level, the soul. Great imagery and emotion. Great spin on perception.

[Kara Emily Krantz]

great ending.

i totally relate. more than i wish. i felt this the other night - as the your heart will not make it another moment from the pain.

"Who is she? she wonders,

As she sobs on the floor."

love that. what a fantastic random thought, and it's so true... how strangely these thoughts come to us, even though we know we should never wonder such important questions because someone ELSE hurt us... still, there it is.

fantastic piece ;)
loved the rhyme scheme

[Brandon]

that was great. I really liked it. It reminds me of something I would write. Thank you for keeping it real, raw and meaningful. Your making the world a better place.

[Andrea A. Wentz]

Ouh, I know that feeling all too well. You described it perfectly! Excellent write, really led me back to the raw grief and pain felt when that happens, when you realize you have to let go of the one thing that kept you holding on....hope. Thank you for writting this and especially for sharing it with us! :)

[Ice Queen of the Vampir..]

Wow, this is a very well written poem. I can totally relate to this. Great work!!!

Heather

[John Cuttito]

i really enjoyed this piece..perhaps what i like best about it is the last lines "into printed words it will forever stay" even though the pain eventually subsides the words are always there to remind. also the "animal cries his name once more" i feel like in alot of relationships we have the tendency to lose alot of ourselves and in that sense become less than human and even animalian..i dont know if that was what you were trying to evoke but its what i got. the things that are always the hardest to write are those which are most necessary to write, keep up the good work without forgetting the emotion, it is that which makes it so great.
John

[JC Fox]

This was a great poem and it was filled with emotion and the reader can truly feel your pain, it also reminded me of the movie The Crow.

[Danielle Asher]

an honest write of letting out emotion in a creative way. it is hard for me to critic anything that has so much emotion behind it. it is pure, raw, and the best kind of writing even if it is the most painful.

thank you for putting yourself out there to share your most real experience.

much love and peace,
danielle

[briannachristine]

That was very delicately put. I've been there, when you don't know what to do and you've never felt all these feelings at once before and have no idea where to put them so that your heart doesn't explode....

This is written with passion and obvious emotion. I've found this is the best time to write. It's unfortunate but true.

I'm sorry you had to go through that... this type of pain is the most difficult to convay to a thrid party and you did it very well through this. This pain did make for an amazing piece of poetry.

Thank you for sharing it with me.

On a personal note: Remember this; what is supposed to happen, will come to be. Little help to a greiving heart, but I believe it whole-heartedly. Every time I've had heartbreak like you describe there are always one of two things that can happen. 1- I find something/someone better or 2-Later in life, you re-discover each other and you are both better people for having your time apart.

Good luck.

Peace&Love
briannachristine