Author Vs. Character

A character in a sob story becomes self aware and tries to make his story better.

There was a boring, dreary, man with seemingly no name. He had a gerbil, but it was dead. One day, while reading Gothic scripts, he had a theory. "Am I a fictional character? Does my world even exist?" The gerbil's eyes suddenly lit up. The gerbil said in a divine voice "Uhh, you're not supposed to gain sentience. I was just about to write about you're encounter with a dragon." The man replied "Are you a god? If so, can you give me a name?" The gerbil carefully said "Sure, you are now named Roy." The man now known as Roy said in excitement "Can I have a girlfriend? Hopefully cute?" The gerbil said angrily " No, this a depressing story. That might ruin the mood." Roy, now sad at this fact, said "Why can't I have one good thing?". The gerbil's eyes closed shut again. Roy, knowing that the author of his story might want to get rid of him, called 911 and asked for the nearest A-Bomb shelter. Before the operator could reply, a zombie jumped through Roy's window. Roy shouted crazily "That was a fourth story window! That shouldn't be possible!" The author, again speaking through the gerbil said "I know it goes against the laws of physics, but physics went up in flames the minute you wanted nice things." Roy frantically grabbed the fire extinguisher and smashed it on the zombie's head. The zombie said sadistically "YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT!". Roy said angrily "OK author, now you're plagiarizing a generic horror story line to try to scare me?!?!? That's just unoriginal." A classic vampire hunter fell through the skylight that suddenly appeared and shouted at the zombie "Face my chain saw cutting friend!" Roy looked at where he guessed a camera would be if this was a t.v. show and said quickly "Well, it seems my story is taking a lighter turn." The gerbil, now enraged, screamed "NO! THIS IS MY STORY! I DIDN'T CALL THE HUNTER TILL YOU'RE DEAD!" Roy tried to choke the gerbil while the zombie and the vampire hunter were dueling chainsaw-to-scimitar. The gerbil gasping for air said "This is where I draw the line! Your getting erased from my story!". That would have been the end of that, if not for the fact the lead of the authors pencil broke and fell in to the story! Roy took it and renamed himself. Roy is know known as "General Dragonfire Awesomemastercoolguy". Dragonfire took the lead and wrote that a cage was around the zombie. He also used the lead to change the vampire hunter into a super model. Now, he made an expensive sports car and drove into the setting sun he wrote about. He used the lead to make his life great for a few days in story time, even though that's only two minutes real world time. The gerbil, now the size of England, roared and breathed large amounts of blue fire! "YOU'RE STORY ENDS HERE ROY! FACE THE MIGHT OF THE PEN!" Dragonfire made himself a giant red robotic dragon wolf octopus. After he effortlessly triumphed over the author, Dragonfire made a portal to escape to the real world. Before he went in, he thought "What if the lead has no effect? Will I have any way back?". Dragonfire shut the portal and started writing his own story. He recently added a part about how his world got a forty third president, and how the news channels have been telling news on a hacking group going by no name. Ironically, he is writing from the hacker's points of view, showing them as good guys, which most of his other characters don't agree with.

Author's Note

Do not steal this please.

Reviews

[Weaver]

comma after "in a divine voice"
"about you're encounter" - "your"
comma after "The man replied"
("When someone asks if you're a god, you say YES!" *g*)
comma after "gerbil carefully said"
comma after "said in excitement"
Basically, you need to always use a comma to separate the dialogue tag (the "he said" or whatever) from what is actually said.
"The author, again speaking through the gerbil"- I didn't realize that the author was speaking through the gerbil. Guess I should have paid more attention.
"said sadistically" - You're using a lot of -ly words on your dialogue tags. Normally, I'd say TOO many, but it works here - I see it as you making fun of Roy's author for such overuse.
"dueling chainsaw-to-scimitar"- No, no, no! Everyone knows that vampire hunters prefer machetes over scimitars... Yeah, I know - take it up with the gerbil.
"gerbil gasping for air said" - commas before and after "gasping for air"
"Your getting erased from my story" - "You're" Ah, the ultimate disaster for a character: "You, sir, have been WRITTEN OUT."
"the authors pencil"- "author's"
"Roy took it and renamed himself." - Clever
"Now, he made" - "Next"
"a few days in story time, even though that's only two minutes real world time"- I always wondered what the conversion ratio was...
"YOU'RE STORY ENDS HERE ROY" - "YOUR STORY ENDS HERE, ROY"
"a giant red robotic dragon wolf octopus" - "dragon-wolf-octopus"?
"made a portal to escape to the real world"- I visited the Real World once, but they kicked me out and said don't come back.
"a forty third president" - "forty-third"
There are some awkward places (which I don't know if you intended or not), but this is still really funny. I like metafiction anyway, and this has more than one layer to it. I also like the use of clichés AS clichés for humorous effect.

[CT]

This is somewhat similar to a story I wrote. If you're interested, it's called "A Warm Midsummer's Night".

[XxChocolate CupcakesxX]

lol. I found this interesting! I have never looked at a story in this point of view; character vs. author. In some stories our characters would ask why they are going through hell. This was creative!

Loved it!

[kris]

Thank you Weaver, you just proved you are smarter then a fifth grader. Very creative story, showing a wonderful imagination. Loved it :)

[uneeknana]

I found this story a fantastic read.It caught my attention from the first word.I truly enjoyed reading this piece of work.I would like to rate this story a 10 out of 1-10.very very proud of this writer.

[the_kate]

Hahaha it makes good sense that someone would wnat to steal this! This is great! Makes me wonder...

[Arsenic Nemesis]

XDD love this! I made me laugh a lot! I frequently get afraid that one of my characters may try to get me back for revenge, but I'm well armed so that should be no problem. XDD this is really, really good. Absolute love! Haha, very nice job here! Farewell, mortal~