Somebody Died

I would like to not write a description for this piece but it is long and written from the perspective of a young man who has died (I won't say how), but he doesn't know or hasn't firmly grasped the truth that he has. Again, it is long but if you have th

I hear my mother crying... Oh! God how she's crying,
but I can't get to her, to hug her,
to tell her that her son is all right,
and
it makes me want to cry too
but,
for some reason,
my tears won't fall, and the words I want to speak
are caught in my throat...

 

My girl, damn she looks good sitting there
holding our son, my lil' man...
His first birthday party is gonna be off
the chains for real
but,
my girl is crying too, you know, hollering and
screaming like... like somebody died...

 

Somebody Died...

 

A chill runs down my spine that I can't feel
and
A tear rolls down my cheek that isn't wet
and
I look around and I realize that we're
all in Church,
which isn't a bad thing,
but;
I haven't been to Church since I was eleven
and just decided that I wasn't going no
more and,
I realize that I know everybody here
and,
just about everyone's dressed in black
and,
there's an oversized picture of me over by the pulpit
that I can't see and I vaguely remember taking... You know
the kind of Pic' they put out at funerals
when somebody's died real bad...
When somebody's died...

 

Somebody Died...

 

Then I look over at my 'moms'
and I see my good for nothing father sitting there
beside her, holding her, trying to comfort
and console her
and
I'm wondering,
what this motherf**, aw man,
I can't curse, I'm in God's house.
'I ain't seen you since I was six! '
'What wind blew you back in town? ', I ask but...
no answer.
'Did you come back hoping I'd let you be my father again? ', I ask
but he doesn't hear me and I shrug my shoulders and walk away
because that's the type of answer I'm used to... from him.
So I just lean over and kiss my 'moms', but she doesn't even feel it.

 

The Organ Player breaks into an up-to-date flow of 'His Eye is on the
Sparrow' and I'm feeling it but,
I just can't tap my feet to it.
The last time I heard it, it wasn't jumping off like this,
and,
they played it at my Grandma's funeral...
but Hell, 'bout the only time they play it up in this
Church is when somebody's died...

 

Somebody Died...

 

Pastor Jacobs steps up to the pulpit and he says some stuff
that makes the women weep louder
and the men hug harder.
Now, I don't remember everything he said, but then again, I never did.
But the phrases, '... chose the wrong path...', and, 'He wasn't a Saint but
God will find a place for him...', and, '...Take this young man's life
and passing as the calling to YOU to get your life right
with God! '...
just ripped right through me
and
they put the fear of God in me
and
I'm feeling like I'm gonna get my life right with God... real soon.

 

He speaks for about an hour and it seems like everything he's saying
is about me; Stuff I hear but
I can't focus on and stuff that has my 'moms' crying hysterically
and
I'm getting mad because, I can't stand it when she cries,
it breaks my heart, but then,
I've broken hers time and time again, and her words,
'Boy, you're gonna break my heart one time too many, '
singes my soul, and for the first time in my life, I'm sorry
for the things that I've said and the things that I've done
and
I promise her that I'm gonna change, but she doesn't hear me,
and it hurts.

 

Deacon Lawrence, my cousin, walks up to the pulpit
and I'm watching him, and, his head is bowed low
and he's mumbling something to himself
and I could swear I heard him say my name,
it sounded like, 'I love you Damon... I'll miss you...'
and he starts to read an obituary and it starts with
the date, 'July 21st,1986 - February 14th 2003,
and I know the date, July 21th 'cause that's my birthday,
and February 14th, well everybody knows that's Valentine's Day,
and this Valentine's Day, I was supposed to give my girl some roses,
and I remember going into the flower shop,
they was makin' 'crazy cash' that day...
but, I don't remember giving my girl her roses, DAMN! [GUN SHOT]
I hate not remembering.
Anyway, my cousin goes on and on, and he can do that sometimes
if you don't check him, so I rarely paid any attention to anything
he ever said.

 

I wish I had though, 'cause he means well, and he's never caused Aunt Phyllis half the grief that I've cause my own 'moms'.  Besides that, well, aside from him being a 'Momma's Boy' and nerd, I love the sh**, (aw man, I keep forgettin' I'm in God's House) ...
I love the heck out of him.

 

He's done and one of my home-boys, Boogie Man, Well, Antwoine is his name but we call him Boogie Man 'cause the mother fu**... I mean Antwoine used to pick his nose all the time when we were kids and he would eat whatever he pulled out, dry and crusty or wet and slimy, it didn't matter,
so Boogie Man kinda...stuck.

 

And I've never seen him crying, but he is, and in a way, it
disturbs me because, we're Soldiers, and we never show emotion, we never feel pain, we only BRING IT!
But Boogie, I mean Antwoine is crying, real tears, and I can see
the little boy inside of him, and all I wanna do is go to him
and hug him, but I can't, because my arms,
just... won't...work!

 

And Antwoine is going on and on, but nobody understands a word he's saying through his tears and his sobbing, but he's trying and he's crying,
Crying as if... as if... as if somebody died...

 

Somebody Died

 

Pastor Jacobs gets up after the service and thanks everyone for coming out, and people start to file out of the Church behind the Pall Bearers, and just as the coffin leaves the Church and the sunlight catches the polished white top, it's like the casket was illuminated by the Power of God, I mean it's like God himself turned the sun up a thousand degrees, 'cause the casket
gleamed like nothing I've ever seen before, and I feel a pulling in my heart that's unlike anything I've ever felt before...
But I ignore it.

 

And I walked over to my girl who's standing over there by the message board where we used to play when we were small, and she's crying in the arms of Shanika and Keemie, her best friends, and she's screaming to the top of her lungs, 'Why Damon, why? ! '
And I can hear her and
I can feel the agony in her heart
and it runs straight to her soul!

 

And I can feel the agony in her heart
and it runs straight to my soul!

 

And I can feel the agony in her heart
and it runs straight to her soul!

 

And I ask her, 'Why what? '
but She doesn't answer me, she just looks at me as though she doesn't see me, the way she does when she's mad at me but,
this time, I just know she isn't mad, it's something else;
and my knees get weak but I don't fall
and my heart beats faster but I don't feel it
and tears fill my eyes but they never fall;

 

And my girl's got this look in her eyes like she's seen me for the last time, it's the look as if...
as if somebody died...

 

Somebody Died...

 

My 'moms' is in a Limo, a fly one too, and I wanna get in with her but she won't open the door for me, and I'm like, ' 'Moms', open the door! '

 

And she looks at me and it scares me to death,
and she looks at me and it scares me to life,
and she looks at me and it scares me to death, but she doesn't say a word.

 

And my sorry a*s father leans over across her and rolls the window up in my face, and she just sat there and let him.

 

So I walk over to my Uncle Leroy who's standing over by his SUV, and he's talking to some of the brothers from Church:
Mr. Raymond, Deacon Prentiss, Uncle Sean and Deacon Freeman.
My Uncle Leroy, who was always my favorite uncle is talking and he's saying:

 

'It's a sad day for my sister, Eleanor,
she lost her only son,
cut down in his youth
before his life had begun.

 

I'm gonna miss that boy,
I... I thought he had potential.
We should have spent more time with him
and gone over life's fundamentals.'

 

My Uncle Sean just stands there,
looking far away,
tears streaming down his face,
he has nothing to say.

 

So Deacon Prentiss chimes in,
'We've got to look after Eleanor,
make her as comfortable as we can
while she gets past her time of grief.

 

No mother should have to go through this,
it's such a heavy cost,
the world is a much smaller place
because a very good boy was lost.'

 

Finally Mr. Raymond speaks
and I knew that sooner or later he would,
so I braced myself for what he'd say
because he's never said anything good.

 

'Yes, it is a sad day for Eleanor,
she's one of God's Special People,
but everyone knows that boy of hers,
was rotten to the core and evil.'

 

'Now wait a minute Mr. Raymond! '
My Uncle Leroy in defense.
'Now wait a minute nothing,
he never used any of that good sense.'

 

'His mother tried to give him everything
because his father wasn't there
and that's not the way you raise a boy,
that's not showing him that you care.'

 

'The day he stopped coming to Church,
I knew his days were few;
So you can shake your head and you can say I'm wrong,
but you know my words are true.'

 

'He started wearing his pants hanging off of his a*s,
I saw him cutting school and smoking weed
and I just know he didn't pass,
so I know his mother had to know it,
Hell, nothing he did was a secret.
now her heart is heavy 'cause she didn't stay in his case,
he's gone now and she regrets it.'

 

'So don't say 'Poor Old Eleanor',
because she knew this day was coming,
if it wasn't clear in the things that he was doing,
then it had to be within the crowds he was running.'

 

'God gives you what you need to perform your life's tasks,
and you only endure the trials that you can bear,
but he'll also take back blessings from you
if you show him that you don't care.

 

Damon was her blessing,
we know this much is true,
but a child is a blessing you have to cultivate
or you'll lose that blessing too.'

 

'Damon had potential,
he had a good heart but he didn't nurture it,
he tried to get by and I'm telling you why,
because that boy wasn't S**T! '

 

No one said a word, and even I had no response because something in what Mr. Raymond said rang in my heart as true, and for the first time in my life I felt bad for all of the wrong that I had done.

 

So I ran to my mother's Limo as fast as I could, and I found myself inside. I cried my heart out and I promised her I'd change,
I just didn't want her to hurt anymore because of me. She said, 'I love you Damon', in my father's embrace. But she said it as if I wasn't even there.

 

We arrived at the Cemetery, and everyone gathered around a designated burial plot, and the coffin was placed upon the 'lowering device' and Pastor Jacobs began to speak. 'We commit this body to the ground... ashes to ashes, dust to dust... May you find comfort and peace in the presence of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ; Damon LaMel Richards.' And as the Lord's Prayer was said, they started lowering the coffin into the ground and everyone began to weep and wail, 'No! ' 'He was only sixteen years old! '  'Oh! God! He was just a baby! ' I mean they wept and they wailed, they cried as if...
as if somebody died...

 

Somebody Died...

 

And I walked over to the marble headstone to pay my last respects and my heart just 'Stopped' because the burial marker confirmed everything that I was refusing to accept. There was my name engraved in the polished marble,

 

DAMON LAMEL RICHARDS - -
SUNRISE, JULY 21ST,1986 - SUNSET, FEBRUARY 14TH,2003,
FATHER AND SON, REST IN ETERNAL PEACE.

 

'SUCH A VERY HIGH PRICE FOR A DOZEN ROSES.'

 

And in a rush it all hit me, I mean, I lived my life foul, as if I'd be here forever; I stole, I hurt people, I sold drugs and I drank and I cursed, I even killed a man over 3 dollars that didn't even belong to me... and I broke my 'moms' heart, '...one time too many'.

 

And now I'm accountable for my recklessness, my sins and my utter disrespect and disobedience and stupidity. And I can hear Mr. Raymond's words echoing in my mind...and in my heart...
and in my soul...

 

'Damon had potential,
he had a good heart but he didn't nurture it,
he tried to get by, and I'm telling you why...
because that boy wasn't S**T! ! '

 

And I sat there on that cold stone marker that I couldn't feel, that I'd never feel

 

and I cried...
and I cried...
and I cried...

 

I cried as if... as if somebody died...

 

Somebody Died...

 

It was me!

 

By: Nathaniel Booker
'Genius Under Construction'

© Nathaniel Booker

Author's Note

ignore gramatical errors as they are made intentionally in the endeavor to speak from the perspective of the individual who is the focus of this piecee.