Echoes

just let me go

 

The pain that keeps growing inside my chest.

The thoughts in my head that just won't rest.

The worry that is constant inside my mind.

The fear that won't leave, the courage I can't find.

Stuck in a valley too deep to get out.

Laying in the bottom I scream and I shout.

Somebody help me, save this poor soul.

Before it's too late, before life takes it toll.

Silence is heard, my echoes ring clear.

For now I am stuck, forced to stay here.

 

-Mysty Rayn

Reviews

[M Bacchus]

this is kind of sad, that at times we have to crawl ourselves out of the hole we are in, It can take its toll on us, but with perserverance we usually get ourselves out in time. This had a great flow in the rhyme scheme, nothing forced. Nice job Mysty.
Michael

[soulsearching]

That is very good we all have a job like that.. lol at least that's what it reminds me of.
tls

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Those echoes can ring loudly in your ear especially when your in a confined space... i could feel you agony very clearly in this piece.

[Matalia Riordan]

Rhymes usually sound childish but I like this one, it was deep and emotional and I agree with mizmetaphysicallady, echoes suit this perfectly. There was only one thing I saw in the 5th line, watch out for to and too, you used to when you should have used too. Great poem.


Matalia

[Silent Kim aka mizmetap..]

Echos, a sound that bounces back, great word. Just as the feelings in this poem, they just keep bouncing back.

Good write.

[Colleen C Dunphy]

*throws a rope in*
Friends will always be here to help you out.

Great write. I felt like I was down in that hole with you.

Best,
Lee