Leaving

“Don’t go”, she screamed,

As he walked out the door.

I was wrong, I cheated,

I’m a w***e”

 

He turned, smirked, shook his head,

“If you wanted me to stay,

you should be in our bed.”

 

The door slammed shut.

            She let out a cry.

                        Running to say goodbye.

 

“Don’t leave me now.”

            She said to the back of his head.

                        “Too late”, he growled, “consider me dead.”

 

“It’s your fault!” She begged.

            “It’s all your late nights.

                        The arguing, bickering, picking the fights.”

 

“I just want to be loved,

            but that you can’t do.

                        And you’re angry at me cause now we are through?”

 

“You take me for granted,

            you hurt me all the time

                        you tell me I’m past my prime.”

 

“Finally someone enjoyed my company.

            Someone listened to what I had to say

                        You had to know this would happen one day.”

 

“Now that I’m thinking,

            go right ahead a leave,

                        if I stay with you love I’ll never believe.”

 

He listened intently,

            raising his brow.

                        “Enjoy your love, I’m leaving now.”

 

-Mysty Rayn

 

Reviews

[misskara]

ahh! this killed me not to pick as one of the winners of my recent contest. i know this - i lived this - i feel this. even if this is fiction to you, it is not to me, and i had such a hard time with this. this poem is so evocative, filled with emotion, and RAW. i think the only thing that held me back was the rhyming, but that is your style, and if thats how you get your words out, get them out. but this touched a nerve, it was beautifully written, beautifully worded, and real. please submit again if i ever have another contest (which of course will not get you much, but another "medal thing") - but this is a piece of your heart. i absolutely loved it. i cant wait to read more of your work.

[Lori]

This really captures a moment so well. The back and forth of emotions, the mood swings. It's so dramatic and well written. I love how it captures what on the surfaces is irrational and emotional, but it's actually quite rational from the woman's viewpoint.

[Fran Marie]

A power-packed emotional write~ so very well expressed

and well penned,THanks for sharing

Fran Marie

[Lisa McDougal]

I love the way this poem was written and put together. Very creative way of writing and the structure works. It is a bit theatrical making it hard to feel any emotion for either person. The dialogue is not poetic enough in content. It's too straight forward for is flows like a scene. I think you have a great start with the idea and what you want to do. You should keep working on this one.

[Deborah Shepard]

Love the dialogue and the intrigue well written

[Pointblank]

And if he had been in thier bed where he wanted her to be waiting she would never have strayed. Sorry..hit a nerve. Had to return and add it.

[Pointblank]

A******s. They drive us into others arms.. How strong do they think we are? We are only human. They never take the blame. Its okay. She'll end up happier in the end. Good write.. Says it clearly.

[HeavensAngel]

A very sad and emotinal piece, he should try to work things out before walking out. Very good.

Angel Love

[Kaela Craven]

Yeah, nice format.
I like when dialogue rhymes. I think it's cool. Like Shakespeare. Gotta love Shakespeare.

[Dani California]

This is fantastic! The dialogue flows
flawlessly... and your rhyme is superb!

Loved it.

As for the content, it does seem we are
in constant need of attention, affirmation that
we are indeed special, or loved. Silence in that
area can sometimes be devastating.. as reflected here.

This is sad.. the desperation, the ending of love.

Truly a great piece of work!