Death

I wrote this back in high school. I was very depressed and being forced to take meds and go to doctors appts. that I wanted no part of. This was my way of glamorizing death.

Can you hear the voices
The voices that struggle from within
Can you feel the touch
Death's cold and steady hand
You're being blindly led
To his strange land
Loved ones who have passed on
Come by to welcome you in
Death becomes your dearest new found friend.

Author's Note

I'm not good with grammar so any help would be appreciated. Please feel free to leave any kind of feedback. Thanks!

Reviews

[alterego]

It is in the presence of sadness that we are often drawn into the valley of death. But it is in the presence of death that we look to the future and give thanks for our existence. That is the priceless gift of the dead and the foundation on which we must build our hopes for their salvation and for that of all humanity. Your words young lady are simple but deep.

[MystiqFairy]

That is beautiful and thank you for taking the time to read my work!

[Sami Khalil]

A nice poem. I like the ending the most...

[MystiqFairy]

Thanks!

[Sami Khalil]

:)

[Wonderful Letdown]

It's short, the only thing I see is you need an apostrophe to show possession (otherwise you're saying there is more than one). It's well written. Again with the beautiful imagery and creative use of words to make death seem not so scary.
I don't have much to say other than good job!!

[MystiqFairy]

Noted, thank you!

[Elaine]

Short, and sweet. A nice warm touch to the coldness that surrounds death.

(I have noticed though in some of your poems you struggle with the use of your/you're. Your is possesive and you're is a contraction of you are.)

Keep up the good work!

[MystiqFairy]

Thanks! Yeah sometimes I just write so fast I don't pay attention to my words. I forget to go back and correct what I should. Thanks for bringing this to my attention!

[Wonderful Letdown]

A tip to help on whether to use a contraction or not is to use it in a sentence. If you can separate the contraction and the sentence still makes sense, then you have used it correctly. It works with all contractions.

[MystiqFairy]

Thanks!