Lyrics for tears

This is a poem about someone who is with me all the time but doesn't even notice me.

If I were to approach you in your state of solitude
Would you even see me?
If I tried to compete for your attention
Would you even see me?
Yesterday I cried myself to sleep
I drowned in a sea of my own tears
I gave up because I knew
I knew you would never see me
Though I will all ways be haunted by your face
I know that forever I will see you.

Author's Note

I am not great with grammar so any help would be appreciated. I would love any possible feedback. Thank you!

Reviews

[Patrick Henry]

Great piece!! I heard the poem in a crescendo leading up to the line: "I gave up because I knew" ...but pictured an exclamation point at the end of it to hit home the intensity building. After that line, I am brought back to my senses, where I realize I am talking to myself because the one who affects me most, still does not hear me. I didn't understand the last line. It made me read the poem again to see if I missed something. I didn't. lol I liked the poem, but for me.... I would erase the last line or change the word "I" to "and". It makes it so that the poem, in an essence, does not end and carries the poem farther than its ACTUAL end!! : ) When yoiu say you gave up, does that mean you DID try to compete for the attention? The poem begs a hug from me! *hugs* xoxo -Mark

[Wonderful Letdown]

Ooo that was written quite well. Only one spelling error. It's spelled "always" not "all ways."

"Though I will ALWAYS be haunted by your face"

It also feels like you aren't quite finished writing it. It has that sort of vibe. Also, try putting in stanza's so it's easier to read (I've struggled with this issue, and I still have problems with it).

I love the imagery and the emotion you put into this. It's something that many people can relate too. Very good wording, a job well done!!

Keep writing!! You're AWESOME!!

[MystiqFairy]

Thanks so much,glad you liked it! Yeah some of my short poems feel like they are not finished to me as well. I get writers block and can't seem to find the right words. I don't wanna force myself to write something just cause it might sound like it fits ya know? Anyway will keep working on this one and Thanks again!

[Wonderful Letdown]

Yeah, BELIEVE me, I understand that whole writer's block and not wanting to force it thing. If ya want to bounce ideas off of me, feel free. I like being a sound board ^-^ And I don't mind reviewing. Especially if it's in a writing style I like and one I can relate too. It's enjoyable to read!! and sorry again for being so nit-picky....but I did kinda warn ya... >.<

[MystiqFairy]

Your criticism is no bother to me! I appreciate it!

[Wonderful Letdown]

Yay!!!