Muse

A sonnet

If I close my eyes I see you tall and fair

Mischief dancing in your brown eyes, like the sun

Framed by rich cascading locks of auburn hair

Strong jaw quivering with laughter at some pun

Your face slowly fades as time slips by so fast

And my driving force of creativity

Is now watching from the shadows of my past

So I hide her in the blackness that is me

I stare at the page, frustrated with myself

Words are hidden in the darkness of my soul

Letters stuck and jumbled - destroying my health

They are lost and I am no longer whole

Time must now be made to honour ink and pen

And with prayers my Muse might visit me again

Reviews

What I enjoyed:
1) I can feel the emotion in the poem
2) Can be read accessibly
3) Favorite line " Framed by rich cascading locks of auburn hair"

Things that could change:
1) "Strong jaw quivering" I feel that "quivering" could be improved upon in terms of word choice
2) "time slips by so fast" You could use a different word choice than "slips" to create a more original picture
3) "Words are hidden in the darkness of my soul" I think "darkness" could be replaced by another word that has more subtlety

[Rose Moon]

I still like this. Not sure which bits you changed but it still flows perfectly and paints a great pictue of a gorgeous Man & a frustrated Woman. Go girl!

Rose Moon

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

It certainly is a struggle to face a blank page - you capture this beautifully, sounds like a lovely Muse you have there...I hope he returns soon...nice write. Thank you for sharing.
Light,
Siddartha

[Serendipity]

A muse ... how funny the power a muse holds. We want to write, we want express ourselves through our words. And we just can't seem to get those words out. We are holding a pen in our hand, tapping it to the paper; but nothing only a blank page stares back. May our muse never leave us. May our muse always be in our heart.

[Rose Moon]

I like this. It works well and flows perfectly. You have a mischevious Muse who is teasing you. Maybe your Muse cannot keep up with your creativity!

[Nan]

Nice work here, I see one typo on darkness. Truly we're sometimes
between emotions when the muse goes silent. It takes courage to
go ahead and write especially when we're stuck.

I like how you personify your muse and describe her here.
Beautiful and really well done. thanks for sharing!

Nan

[[untitled]]

Yes, I liked this poem indeed. enriched with descriptive words and metaphor.
'Mischief dancing in you brown eyes' I think you meant 'your brown eyes'...
Altogether a poem whlch held my attention. The last two lines are excellent!!

[BrightEyes]

those pesky muses...always taking off for parts unknown...never even leaving us a note or a clue when they might return. It's just unfair. A fun write...and I hope your muse reads this and realizes it is high time they went home! lol.

laura