What's my problem?

In a happy relationship - but jealousy is making things harder. Certain girls are getting in my mind. What's my problem? Help! Someone, please.

So everyday is pretty much the same, I get up laze around. Do nothing all day wait for my friends to finish school/work then piss off out with them.

Admittedly, I have very little interaction with my family of three, I ignore my pets since my very first pet died. It's like I've lost the affection I had for animals when he passed.
I don't know why I have very little to do with my family? I guess I feel distant, unwelcome.
I feel more involved with my best friend, close friends and boy friend. Sad really, but you can't change that.

I've been like this for a fair while, I guess I decided to isolate myself to feel like I'm doing it for me because I want too. That way I'm not feeling so left behind in my family.

I'd say my life is rather average, it's not horrible I mean it really could be worse.
I'll just put it this way, my life is dramatic and problematic why? Because I am my own enemy I really am like my parents and they cause a lot of unnecessary drama for themselves therefore that's where I get my problem. I really do cause my own problematic situations by being so stubborn and self centred. Therefore that causes unhappiness and problems with my friends and partner.

Tis' un-fair on their behalf, my beautiful friends also my caring partner shouldn't have to put up with my horrible moods when they occur. I seriously could be the happiest person for an hour then suddenly hear someone pick something with me or my friends or could even hear minor bitching and my mood is instant swing. Bam, changed. That's when I start becoming not so fun.

I often sit in my room with my music blaring questioning myself as to why I have to open my mouth before I speak? Why I make myself sound so nasty and selfish.
I know I'm not. I know I have more good weighing out the bad in me. But still I feel so sick knowing I treat my loved ones horribly, I really hope to change soon. Before it's really too late and all I bring is misery in my friends & lovers life.

You're all probably thinking what is this girl on about? How is she so selfish, why does she hate on herself? Well I'll tell you. I get easily side tracked so I don't really help around my house hold a lot because there's no point unless I'm well and truly motivated and ready to just go, go, go, go. Ha-ha, when it comes to my best friend her and I love each other. Would really kind of be lost without each other you know? But she works most of the time and myself being unemployed and looking for a job it's kind of hard to work around each other's schedules we still manage on occasions though. My boyfriend? He is currently undertaking his HSC so he has a lot of study time, if it isn't study it's generally work. We mostly hang out during the night time anyways when he isn't working and occasionally during some days. He and I we argue and disagree over stupid things. I cause most of our arguments and problems in our relationship. Stubbornness, jealousy, mood swings. But that doesn't mean to say that the good and fun we have doesn't weigh out the bad frustrating times.

The reason I'm writing this in the way I have is mostly for me. So I can look at what I've written and know I've finally said it out loud, this really isn't for my best friend or my family it really is for my partner because I seem to feel like I don't appreciate him enough. Feel like I'm more of a downer then a unlifting girlfriend. By all means if you can relate or even hear what I'm saying and can lend some helpful advise to maybe possible change the ways I think then feel free to leave a review or message me.

I love my boyfriend, we've been together 8 months soon. Have been friends all throughout high school though, so we have had the friendship back us up. Like "it's better to build a friendship before getting involved with someone in more then a friend way." So we've had it there, which is great. I'm happy about it, he is perfect. Everything I've been looking for and so should every other girl that wants to be treated right. I am overly happy and proud to call him mine, yell out that I love him, show him off around everyone possible. He makes me the happiest I could ever possibly have imagined. Hasn't once judged me, has been there for me through thick and thin and I think that and his personality is what makes me crazy inlove with him.

But what makes me so selfish and bitchy around him is that I get so easily jealous and I don't want it getting to the point it ruins my relationship and he leaves me. If he left me I don't know what I'd be doing right now, honestly. I mean other girls annoy me. These two girls in particular. (But for these two girls so you know what I'm only about I'll call them girl one which is 14-15 years old and girl two which is 17-18 years old.) so I'll get the second girl out of the way with. She is one of my boyfriends best mates and I used to be rather close with her, anyways her myself and my best friend used to sit in this big group and there were five of us girls that were the best of friends. Anyways, girl number two and my best friend used to be inseparable hard to believe if you knew them now. Girl number two one day screwed her friend ship up with my best friend because she slept with my best friends little brother which is about 15 now but at the time he was 13 going on 14 and she was going on 17.

Since then she kind of got around a fair bit. Not that she didn't in the first place, reason why I'm jealous of her? Well, ha.

She: has had so many boys in my year group fall for her, she's been involved and sent some dirty things around to a fair few boys, my boyfriend has liked her in the past. If any of you have heard of the social media site 'Ask.Fm'? She one day got sent in a question while she was in a relationship and I was as well, someone anonymously asking if she would ever date my boyfriend and she said she never saw why she wouldn't if it ever came up and there was something there. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that not right? Her being a relationship should not be saying that for one and two trying not to make her boyfriend which I know and have been friends with in the past and myself jealous? Sorry but I thought that was wrong and an instant jealousy trigger came about me and since then I have just been very cautious.

I don't know if I'm being over dramatic or actually realistic?
Either way, I enjoy talking to this girl because she did used to play a big part in my life but not when she seems like she is having her fair share of opinions on me.

Now this other girl, the first girl the younger one?
I don't know, younger girls in this town seem to take a quick liking to older boys, ones that listen to them. It's funny small town fairly isolated and girls just get in for their five minutes of pleasure ruin a relationship an piss off to the next one. Not the point, so this girl has been messaging my boy since about January maybe even earlier but I wouldn't know about that and I really don't think I want too either considering at one point it was all I thought about...
"Am I going to lose my boyfriend to this girl?" "Is she going to be listening to all of our issues and fights?" Etc. Those kind of worries. She flirts with everyone so no doubt she has flirted with him. Always saying to him "I'll be there to listen. '" stuff like that. Either way I just don't like her.

I had a relationship before my current boyfriend. I thought this guy was really into me turns out all he wanted the entire time was to 'Bang' me. Quite sad actually. That whole time, all the things he said were probably lies. That whole time of being with him and I practically got cheated on the entire time. I was heartbroken. More so with the fact he was talking to two other girls, snap chatting them etc throughout our whole relationship. Point as to why I'm saying this? Have a guess.
It's more so and mainly the reason as to why I am so jealous when it comes to my current one. Because I know what girls are like in this town. Horrible. Home wreckers you really could call them.

I suppose being practically cheated on as far as you know makes you open your eyes a little in your next serious relationship and kind of makes you extremely cautious.

So obviously jealousy plays a huge part in my relationship but lately it hasn't been that bad. It was worse before to the point it was making me sick and I'd always bring it up, but now I've kind of come to terms that my man loves me and only me and he's assured me I'm the only one he wants. So I've taken that all in, realised that jealousy could push him away if I worry about it near as much as I was before. So I've really kind of chucked it in the back of my mind. Like I acknowledge it's there, understand I can't help it but also tell myself not to worry unless I have a really good legitament reason to dwell on it.

What else plays a fair part I my relationship that's causing me to be all moody and bitchy? Well there's the apparent stubbornness? Really, I just can't handle what people have to say sometimes and cut them off. You know? Sometimes I don't like what people have to say or where a conversation is going and yeah. Just doesn't go through me right that's all.
I mean certain subjects I'll really have a nerve hit and others it's like "meh, whatever. I'll just nod my head." You know? I can't really begin to even start on stubbornness. I mean I could but I just can't really even explain it like I have with jealousy. Suppose it's one of those kind of things. Ha-ha.


I'll be fair though, it's my partners second real relationship. He's been in a previous one but in my eyes I think that the one we have is more real and adventurous as of his last one well...
Let's just say they were happy for a little while, maybe two-four months? They were together about seven months but for a fair few months he was a little miserable with some of the things she did and he didn't know how to let her go without it hurting a little more then what she already was with personal issues hitting her.

So really I mean, he's met most of my family in this town, he and I have had the friendship before just diving in to things. We have adventures around and been stupid together. Had fun, laughed, lived. As they didn't do much. He didn't meet her family rather quickly more so very late in to the relationship and there were problems there. She was just a little not right for him we'll say...

But yeah nearly eight months together we are. I hope this time in 5 years I can be saying we are hitting our six year annaversery. It would be lovely.

My biggest problem is, letting the past get in the way of my future. As you can maybe gather?
A few people have told me that already but I'm just realising it. I am fine until something similar from the past occurs in the present and it seems I get all defensive and jealous, angry and moody until it passes. I hope for it not anymore, I want to move on. Laugh at my past, love the present and look forward to the future. I want to be able to be fun and happy like I used to be. I don't want to be draining boring and miserable towards my partner. I want him to fall inlove all over again with me because I'm exactly who I used to be.
I want him to brag about how much fun he has each time he hangs with me and rub it in to everyone. Not say "we finally had a good night, bout time."

I am selfish, I expect this fairy tale as I've seen on movies but I've realised true love is hard.
I know, I'm young. I'm supposed to go through many people I thought I loved. But sometimes, just sometimes when you are young you do find the one. The one you will walk down the chruch for say your vowels and smile whilst nodding your head slightly as you say "I do."
I've told my partner I may've had my fair share in hook up's, and had a few relationships but he has been my first for many things and I told him that he will be the last. I adore him that much, I could never lose him.

I could keep writing but I won't, I think I've written my main problem. Can anyone relate?

Author's Note

Forget my few spelling mistakes and some things not making sense, can anyone actually relate? Maybe lend some advise. Would be lovely. Each of my entires will be to do with my current problems or feelings reaching out for advise/help/listeners.

Reviews

[Eliza Mae]

The whole thing about not finding love when you're young is just something people say when they're not happy with their own choices in relationships. I got married when I was 19. My husband and I dated for a little over a year. All we did was talk and get to know each other perfectly, and you know what? We have a better marriage than any of my mother's marriages! Next February with mark out 2 year anniversary. The key is communication and no "silent treatments". If you and your boyfriend are having issues, talk with each other and express your feelings seriously. Listen - not just to each other's words, but to tones and body language too. I also wanted to mention that in every single relationship my husband has been in, the girl cheated on him. EVERY SINGLE ONE. When he met me, naturally (like you) he was cautious and jealous. But I understood why. I made sure to never give him a reason to doubt my loyalty to him. I showed him extra attention, especially when he was depressed or scared I would cheat on him or leave him. My point is... relationships are a two way road. You have to work together, not against each other. If you're feeling jealous or afraid, your boyfriend should reassure you. If he is, don't take it lightly. Have confidence in him.

I'm sure you have your own stuff going on in your life that makes you act "bitchy" or "selfish", but maybe it's time to move forward and make some positive changes. If you feel distant from your family, let them know how you feel and make a real effort to spend time with them. I come from an Italian family. Growing up I learned nothing was more important than family sticking together and always being there for each other. I think this should be true in any family.

Change your mentality. Wake up in the morning and be confident that today is going to be a good day, no matter what drama may arise - you'll be a stronger, more beautiful person because you endured the hardships.

I know it wasn't much, but I hope I helped a little!

Stay strong.

[Blogger]

I like the spacing after each paragraph. It makes it easier to read and follow a longer write. I can relate for sure. I feel much of the same things. I am not close to my family either. I also am feeling great loss at a treasured pet too so I can relate to much of this.