Note To Wishes

As water similar to a pure lit dream,
Cast to the kingdoms of the joyous, of glee.
'This dream, this water, to damn their hopes,
Annihilate the beast or choke him with ropes!'
As mother had cabalisticly spoken these things,
I began to lose hope, fear for my wings.
A devil was I but to dream marvelous wishes,
To Hell with me and no more wishes!

Reviews

[buoyantMaureen]

I greatly admire people who can rhyme their poetry, and you did a great job!
I really really really like the lines: "This dream, this water, to damn their hopes,/Annihilate the beast or choke him with ropes./" they are full of action and spirit. So much so that they grab all the attention from the first two lines, because the first two lines just aren't as good.
Same goes for the fifth and sixth lines:"As mother had cabalisticly spoken these things,/ I began to lose hope, fear for my wings./" It gives the poem a concrete setting, a context, and makes it personal. I like these a lot. So much so that I was a little disappointed that the last two verses ended with the same word. The devil imagery is good but the rhyme doesn't really follow through, which is so essential when ending a poem. The picture was a great touch too.

[Alexander B. Kerri]

Yes, I notice that poetry isn't my finest part of literary accomplishments but during the time, depression had ceased me, and the poem was a tad revolting and slightly dull just to add a few personal quotes. Still does the depressed nature torture me so, I dare not speak of it but I hope you enjoyed the poem and I am glad you did but a few of the lines are simply from realism or the cause of emotion.