Layers (Voice chapter 1)

Leo's entire existence is contained within walls of glass, and all Leo wants is to get out. When this wish is granted, he finds himself in a world not much different than that from which he came from.

Chapter One

I’m schizophrenic.

Crazy.

Insane.

Whatever you want to call it.

Just don’t try and sugar-coat it by using a bunch of fancy sounding words layered on top of each other like thin sheets of glass, ‘cause I can see right through them.  

Just don’t try and make it something it’s not.

Crazy. Insane. Both just words strung together from other words; fancy-sounding ones occasionally leaked from the tight-lipped mouths of doctors.  I’ve managed to sift through layers of lies and deception and uncover the stark reality hidden from sight, and look it hard in the face.

It’s ugly; I can tell you that much. Not pretty at all, which I probably the reason why the doctors didn’t want me seeing it in the first place.

Doctors.

Doctors hidden between layers of clothing and lies and weighed down by sadness and helplessness.

I can see through all that as easily as I can see through the sheets of glass. Only the sheets of glass at least have the decency to know that they’re transparent, to know that they can’t hide anything.

Doctors aren’t like that. They think they know everything, that they’re always right. Whenever they don’t know something, they try to cover it up by using one of those fancy-sounding words and then throw it at you like it’s a grenade. And you, being the proper, rational member of society you are, are supposed to run away with your tail between your legs and never question them again.

Or at least that’s what I’m told to do. Not explicitly, of course, but I can tell it’s implied. Because whenever I ask the doctors something they don’t know, like who I am or what I am, and they throw one of their grenades at me, I don’t run away with my tail between my legs and never question them again.

Instead, I ask them again.

Who am I?

What am I?

What are we?

I’m not even sure I am a ‘who’ anymore, not since The Voice came into my head.

That’s what brought on the ‘what’ part of the question.

As for the ‘what are we?’ question, it seems to scare the doctors a lot whenever I ask them.

I think it’s the ‘we’ part that gets them. The way that I don’t refer to myself as ‘I’ or ‘my’. Not on the outside, at least. On the inside I can do what I damn well please.

And every time they hear the ‘we’ part, I can just hear them murmuring:

“Ahh, yes. Clear sign of Dissociative Identity Disorder.”

“Shall we give him some Sertindole?”

“More like a firm beating. That should set him straight.”

After a while I stop listening, because their speech patterns are really quite dull.

And a while after that I find myself asking the ever present question:

“What am I?”

A question like that should be easy to answer. For most people at least. Most people can associate themselves with words that seem to hold special meaning to them;

Funny.

Outgoing.

Content.

Despondent.

Introverted.

Morose.

Schizophrenic.

I find it rather amusing how humans think they can define themselves by just using a few letters. What are letters, really, but just a few scribbles on a page? And what’s a page but something made from water and trees? What’s anything, really?

It’s these questions that make me stop and think. Not questions like ‘what’s two plus two?’ Whenever the doctors ask me that, I ignore them. I look off into the distance, staring at the way the spiderweb in the coincides with the Fibonacci Sequence, or the way the rug on the floor has the exact proportions of the Golden Ratio.

I most certainly do not wonder what two plus two equals.

The doctors all think me stupid. Idiotic. Mentally Impaired.

To me they’re all just more labels, empty words. 

Where was I?

Oh, yes.

What I find amusing. Not funny; let me make the distinction quite clear. I do not find anything funny, because I’m not a funny person. My sense of humour is at best morose, sick, or twisted.

Not funny.

Back to defining myself.

I don’t think of a person as made up of letters or words, but rather as layers.

Layers.

It’s a bit of a trend with me right now. It started one day while I was doing my daily Wall Watching. Going on a whim, I tilted my head exactly thirty-nine degrees. Not thirty-eight or forty.

Thirty-nine.

And then I noticed a crack in my Wall. It extended from one grimy corner to a point precisely fifty-two point four inches above the ground.

And then I noticed a second crack.

And then a third.

And a fourth.

By the time seventeen minutes and twenty-seven seconds had passed, I had counted the number of cracks in my Wall (forty-nine, in case you were wondering), the distance between each and every one of them, and the angle at which each was heading.

The day before my obsession had been with an equilateral triangle formed by the locations of my cup, plate, and fork in relation to each other, and the day before that it had been with speech patterns; eventually leading to the earlier conclusion that the doctors had rather dull speech patterns.

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s a sort of defense mechanism they’ve developed to deal with the true horror of their job. By shutting off their emotions, they become less vulnerable to the infectious ‘craziness’ that lives within these halls.

To be more exact, the Glass Walls.

The Glass Walls, also known as the Westbrough County Insane Asylum for the Mentally Challenged.

A fancy-sounding name for a very un-fancy place.

An un-fancy place where dreams go to die, where hope lives in agony, and where every living second is a nightmare.

In other words, my home.

 

 

Author's Note

Please review, it would mean the world to me and would get me to start writing more

Reviews

[Persona]

OOO! You've written another chapter. I'm am definitely reading it next! Keep me updated with this story because it was unique - the only one about a schizophrenic. On the one hand, I didn't learn too much about Leo, but on the other, I'm kind of hoping you'll reveal more schizphrenic tendencies later on so that you don't overload the reader.
I have no issues with this story. I'm quite impressed that you're only 13! It sounded very mature. Especially with Leo's voice. It was good and very distinct immmediately. You conveyed his anger, cynicism and frustration all in one chapter.
Your comparisons are to die for as well - us to dogs and doctors throwing grenades.
I was wondering when they said beating if this was set in the 60s? I got the impression it was. I hope it is! I guess I'll read on and find out!
I love that you use a range of vocabulary to sound smart as well as making sure you are clear and well understood - so you don't alienate the reader. I like your writing style (much more than most) and find it very unique and
thoroughly interesting.
I love the way you space things out - it makes things so visually appealing too. I like that you have the story of this length - there's no chance to get bored. Your really have said as much as needed to be said and nothing more.
Overall, great. 100

[SomeoneSomewhere]

Thank you! I definitely appreciated this:)

[Ama May Cooper]

Oooo wow, this is fantastic. Hook , line and sinker all in one, my fingers are scratching at the next button like you wudent believe. Brilliant character depth i feel like i truely know your main character and from barely any lines at all. Set up to be a absoloutly amazing novel

[KillerWithWords]

Very confusing, which i'm guessing was intended.
I felt like i was whirling around in a blender while reading this...

[rachelduren74]

You are only 13? That is amazing to me. You have an emotional and intellectual intelligence that belies your years. Not to mention you have exceptional talent as a writer. Keep going and never give up on your dreams. I have only read the first chapter but I am highly impressed. How does someone of your age get to be so cogent? I totally agree with your description of doctors and how society is expected to take them. Like I said, amazed. Good for you.

[SomeoneSomewhere]

Thank you so much for the kind review. These sort of things manage to buoy my confidence and inspire me to keep on writing. Thanks!

[W.V. Bard]

Wow I can't believe you're only 13 this is like amazing. I neeeever read past the first few sentences and I read this whole thing!

[Schyala]

I love the emphasis on phrases and words. Amazing syntax and amazing diction. There are a few grammatical errors, but we all have those. I also like how the character lacks emotion, very good job!

[Cece]

This is AMAZING! Especially for a 13 year old! I've only read the first chapter and I'm headed to the second! I love how you compared doctors to glass. This is really deep and I love it!

[SomeoneSomewhere]

Thanks so much! Reviews like this truly encourage me to keep writing:D

[Cece]

You're welcome :)

[Admiral Kirk]

Great beginning to a story! This sounds like it will be very interesting. Even though the character doesn't explicitly mention it, you can tell that the things that are "wrong" with this character go a lot deeper than what the doctors are seeing. By reading this, you can also tell that the main character doesn't ever get to talk to anyone, indicated by not only the way he talks, but his strong, detailed opinions. This is a very powerful story so far, and I will definitely read the rest.

[SomeoneSomewhere]

Thanks! Reviews like this really give me the incentive to continue on writing!

[Admiral Kirk]

Cool! :)

[jason]

This is a really challenging piece of writing you've attempted and done very well at it too in my opinion. Trying to capute how your characters mind and thoughts are jumping about comes through in your writing.

However, I think this can be a bit confusing if there isn't a clear narrative to follow so be careful not to lose the reader in your efforts to show us your characters mind.

I do like what you've done with this and would suggest rethinking the start a little just to grab your reader a bit more. For example, the bit that really got my attention was "
Layers.
It’s a bit of a trend with me right now. It started one day while I was doing my daily Wall Watching. Going on a whim, I tilted my head exactly thirty-nine degrees. Not thirty-eight or forty.
Thirty-nine.
And then I noticed a crack in my Wall. It extended from one grimy corner to a point precisely fifty-two point four inches above the ground.
And then I noticed a second crack.
And then a third.
And a fourth.

I'm not saying you should start your story with this but consider how much this bit gets you interested in what is going to follow.

Remember, I'm no author and this is only my opinion as a reader!

[Odayin]

Well I think you definitely pegged what you were aiming for. You had me raising my eyebrows at multiple points in this unique story. I also think the way you put perspective on things we don't usually think about was a great idea and you displayed it very well. The preciseness that had been layed out in this story was constantly coming back as if we shouldn't forget it. All in all, I enjoyed his one and think you she keep up the good work with a style that's unique to other writers