The Escape

Not My best...written a few years ago.

I stand in a rugged path of woods, i look behind me,
its the world
my friends, my family, my life,
it's all there.
in that world there's opportunity,
potential,
freedom,
diversity,
a second chance.
I run toward it, i run with all my might,
yet i keep running in circles,
coming back to the same place where i stood,
gazing at that magnificent creation that
got there from an explosion of gasses.
i stand once again in disappointment,
no more strength to go on.
i turn and see another way out,
a way out of these dark, deep, and
mysterious woods
it’s a mist of silver and white,
and auburn, and a tinch of navy blue.
The color is beautiful, a miracle,
prettier than anything I’ve ever seen,
i walk towards the color with a feeling
of anxiousness and purity.
i forget the world, i walk away from the world,
i walk to the glow.
i put my finger through, and 'want' washes
over me. i want more.
i think.
i step into the mist, my whole body,
and then,
nothing....

 

Author's Note

perhaps i could improve it? make it phenomenal? tell me how ;)

Reviews

[Lizanne]

How can you improve on perfection? Brilliant and deep. Running in circles, instead of to it, away from it.
The woods of our life are dark and deep. We chase the dream of all and do as our family before us did. But there comes a time that we choose to travel a different path. It is as if you have found the dark hole in which to enter and fade to nothingness of body, but still exist in thought. The Auroua Borialis is considered to be mystic and if only one could walk through it's door while open and exit to the other side.
Why do you consider changing a brilliant piece?

[Michael X]

fantastic wordcrafting all the way through, in ways the bring the meaning to life with an emotional conviction, a sense of passion that can only come from the heart, from a poet's point of view,
I agree with lizanne, as well as the insight that lends to a learning sense of wonder, beautiful job

[Alya Usman]

Has passion, i must admit. And a really nice write. Has a meaning unlike most poems I've read. =P But you over-used commas. Please revise that. Other than that, a job well done! ^^

[Susan]

Can i escape with you?

[Susan]

wow! this is beautiful, simple,complicated,wonderful...perfect...I love it just as it is...I love the imagery that you present here. so mysterious, intrigueing.