His Murderer

This has nothing to do with my life..which is weird cus it ususally does. i jus kinda thought it up..and voila?

Each time he looked longingly into her eyes,

Hoping for smiles, trusting her style.

She glared at him in despise,

unraveled her angelic disquise,

and developed his cries.

From every touch of his nervous hands,

to the look of his akward stance,

he tried, he put forth his persevering efforts,

begging for another chance.

"Dance!" she shouted,

as if she had him under a trance.

She showered him with her fake romance,

and then brought him down with her poisonous glance.

Her fingers were crossed,

during every kiss they shared, that he thought was real.

and during every hug they embraced,

that with all his heart, he would truly feel.

But day by day,

his happiness she would peel,

and his glory she would steal,

and his pride she would kill.

But he would just keep climbing,

determined that she was the one.

Until she kicked him off,

and buried him with hate,

and left him forgotten.

Reviews

[E-man]

Holy s**t that was harsh I felt that wow that was just so visual and the emotion was just there and flowed through quite well.. great write

[Ryan]

....I really can't say anything except for beautiful job. I wish I had something good or constructive but...I don't...this just left me at a loss for words...

[Jemma]

Very dark and passionate. (Passionate been with his determination and her 'vengence')
For some reason (and this has never happened) while i was reading this I was picturing two people dancing. Like a Waltz (Or some other dance I know nothing of) Lol anyway so I was picturing 2 be people dancing and the women was trying to take the lead but the guy was trying just as hard. But still unable to take the lead against such a strong women (strong in more of a ritorical sense). But the dance was also angry and passionate. Like your writting was. I guess you inspired me to see your writting in a whole new light. And that is completely amazing by my standards. Beautiful write :)

[deleted]

Intense/heavy piece. She was brutal! I'm sure we have all been a character in this poem (whichever end of the stick we were on). I like this a lot. It seems very original. Keep exercising your gift!

[Meredith Leigh]

Wow, strong, bitter words. It's dark, sad and unfortunately many people can relate to this, whether they be male or female. This is great!

- Kriss

[Flow~]

Oh this is different, nothing like a little murder and deception to wake us all up. this was an excellent write and a true surprise for me tonight. I like the darkness of this one, how you unfolded her intent and showed us how she played with him until the very end. Excellent write