Will You Remember Me?

a short story I wrote, probably one of the better ones I've written, I'm thinking of really getting more into writing stories.

I was so angry that I couldn't keep the car under 80 miles per an hour. I was truly alone for the first time in my life. It wasn't fair. How could I go on knowing that I'd have to come back home to an empty house. They could have done more. They should have known. Why did it matter how much money I had. All of these thoughts circled in my head as I cried. I knew there was only one place in the world where I could go to make myself feel better. One place that brought me back to my best days. Where I could think of her. That beautiful girl and take my mind off of all of this. I wouldn't have to think of what had just happened I just thought of the first day I met that girl.

Johanna-Marie was a very quiet girl with a bubbly personality. Most would think that she was shy and quiet. You would know when you looked into those deep dark eyes that she wanted more from life then to just stay quiet and work. There was more to her than your average girl. She was fun yet conserved. She was quiet in the group but was ecstatic on the personal level. It was when I was looking at her long black hair at my beach that I knew I was falling in love with her. It was at my beach that I took her for our first date. My Beach was a little plot of sand next to a huge mass of ocean. That's all it had to be. What made it magical was the seclusion of it. It was sort of tucked away. It wasn't even an official beach. The water was very dangerous so nobody ever swam in it. I loved it though. It was beautiful when the sun started going down. Enough to make one ponder on life. To make you feel small in the grand scale of this beautiful world, but in a good way. It made you feel like there was more out there then just what you could see. This is the main reason why I brought girls to this spot on dates. They would be awed by the sunset and I could usually get a kiss out of it.
Today was different though. We were sitting on a towel watching the sun go down and I was getting ready for the immanent kiss that is followed by any shared beauty. I looked over at her but instead of seeing the normal surprised awe in every girls eyes, I saw such a concentrated calculating look on her face. She was thinking deep thoughts. She turned to me and asked me, "When you look out there, Do you see an ocean or do you just see water?" I wanted to be smooth because obviously she was looking for a deep answer so I said, "I see an ocean" She just smiled at me and gave a look that asked "Are you sure??" and I second guessed myself. I wasn't sure. We stayed in silence for a while. Then she picked up a small little rock that had been next to our towel and gave it to me. As if the rock itself was the answer to our little question. As if the rock was the answer that I had to figure out. As she gave it to me she asked me one last question before she got up and left.

"Will you remember me?" I repeated as I parked my car on my beach. I smiled to myself. Indeed I had always remembered her. Even now all these years later. I remember her like it was my life's work. I would often come back to my beach again and again with the rock wondering what the answer to the question was. It wasn't the last time I had seen her though. I had met her again several times. It reminded me of another soft memory I had with Johanna-Marie by the sea.

I had just put the ring around her finger, It was our wedding day. We kissed as bride and groom often do. It was then I realized I kept my love for her. We smiled a lot that day. We laughed this day. I got that kiss I had been waiting for again and again this day.
After everything had happened we took a walk down the beach and talked. It was then I gave her back the rock and said to her "I will always remember you"
After a while I gave her the answer to her question, "Its just water. In the Grand scheme of things its just a little water that is part of the ocean. The ocean is nothing but a make up of water." She simply smiled and ran away but this time I chased her.

I sat on the beach holding the rock in my hands and I could feel her love in my heart. I remembered her with everything in my soul. I remembered her all a little too well as I stood holding the rock. Which is the answer to her riddle I'm sure. It made me remember one last painful memory of Johanna-Marie by the sea.

She was laying in her hospital bed where she had been for months. She had breast cancer and wasn't doing good at all. The doctors gave her only a month or so more if that. I was greedy though and I couldn't accept it. So I went on acting like she was going to be just fine. I think I had even been able to trick her into thinking so. I came to her hospital bed that day with flowers and balloons and I said "Happy 30th anniversary love." and she smiled at me the same way she always had. The kind of smile that made your day worth living. I never wanted to leave that smile. It was only a moment though. She was really sick that day. She was weak and fading fast. We talked for about ten minuets. Then She pulled something out from a mess beside her bed. It was the rock she had given me so long ago on our first date. She gave it to me again and asked me as she faded into sleep "Will you remember me?" and I whispered into her ear "Always"
She never woke up. So I got into my car and drove as fast as I could to the beach where it felt like my life had began.

So here I am. Holding the rock that meant so much to the both of us. Looking out on the ocean is when I realized that the ocean was so much more than water, and the water so much more than an ocean. It was an escape. It was something profound without a name. It was all a matter of perspective. The question had no real answer but the rock is what held my answer. I started collecting a bunch of rocks just like it. And sticking them in my pockets. More and more of them collecting them up and down the beach. When I felt I had enough I took my one special rock and turned to the ocean. I don't know what question the sea brings, only what it answers. It was my way back home and the rock was my way to remember. So as I started walking into the water deeper and deeper, I could feel the kiss of Johanna-Marie in the sea.

I was so angry that I couldn�t keep the car under 80 miles per an hour. I was truly alone for the first time in my life. It wasn�t fair. How could I go on knowing that I�d have to come back home to an empty house. They could have done more. They should have known. Why did it matter how much money I had. All of these circled in my head as I cried. I knew there was only one place in the world where I could go to make myself feel better. One place that brought me back to my best days. Where I could think of her. That beautiful girl and take my mind off of all of this. I wouldn�t have to think of what had just happened I just thought of the first day I met that girl.

Johanna-Marie was a very quite girl with a bubbly personality. Most would think that she was shy and quiet. you would know when you looked into those deep dark eyes that she wanted more from life then to just stay quiet and work. There was more to her than your average girl. She was fun yet conserved. She was quiet in the group but was ecstatic on the personal level It was when I was looking at her long black hair at my beach that I knew I was falling in love with her. It was at my beach that I took her for our first date. My Beach was a little plot of sand next to a huge mass of ocean. That�s all it had to be. What made it magical was the seclusion of it. It was sort of tucked away. It wasn�t even an official beach. The water was very dangerous so nobody ever swam in it. I loved it though. It was beautiful when the sun started going down. Enough to make one ponder on life. To make you feel small in the grand scale of this beautiful world, but in a good way. It made you feel like there was more out there then just what you could see. This is the main reason why I brought girls to this spot on dates. They would be awed by the sunset and I could usually get a kiss out of it.
Today was different though. We were sitting on a towel watching the sun go down and I was getting ready for the immanent kiss that is followed by any shared beauty. I looked over at her but instead of seeing the normal surprised awe in every girls eyes, I saw such a concentrated calculating look on her face. She was thinking deep thoughts. She turned to me and asked me �When you look out there, Do you see an ocean or do you just see water?� I wanted to be smooth because obviously she was looking for a deep answer so I said, �I see an ocean� She just smiled at me and gave a look that asked �Are you sure??� and I second guessed myself. I wasn�t sure. We stayed in silence for a while. Then she picked up a small little rock that had been next to our towel and gave it to me. As if the rock itself was the answer to our little question. As if the rock was the answer that I had to figure out. As she gave it to me she asked me one last question before she got up and left.

�Will you remember me?� I repeated as I parked my car on my beach. I smiled to myself. Indeed I had always remembered her. Even now all these years later. I remember her like it was my life�s work. I would often come back to my beach again and again with the rock wondering what the answer to the question was. It wasn�t the last time I had seen her though. I had met her again several times. It reminded me of another soft memory I had with Johanna-Marie by the sea.

I had just put the ring around her figure, It was our wedding day. We kissed as bride and groom often do. It was then I realized I kept my love for her. We smiled a lot that day. We laughed this day. I got that kiss I had been waiting for again and again this day.
After everything had happened we took a walk down the beach and talked. It was then I gave her back the rock and said to her �I will always remember you�
After a while I gave her the answer to her question, �Its just water. In the Grand scheme of things its just a little water that is part of the ocean. The ocean is nothing but a make up of water.� She simply smiled and ran away but this time I chased her.

I sat on the beach holding the rock in my hands and I could feel her love in my heart. I remembered her with everything in my soul. I remembered her all a little too well as I stood holding the rock. Which is the answer to her riddle I�m sure. It made me remember one last painful memory of Johanna-Marie by the sea.

She was laying in her hospital bed where she had been for months. She had breast cancer and wasn�t doing good at all. The doctors gave her only a month or so more if that. I was greedy though and I couldn�t accept it. So I went on acting like she was going to be just fine. I think I had even been able to trick her into thinking so. I came to her hospital bed that day with flowers and balloons and I said �Happy 30th anniversary love� and she smiled at me the same way she always had. The kind of smile that made your day worth living. I never wanted to leave that smile. It was only a moment though. She was really sick that day. She was weak and fading fast. We talked for about ten minuets. Then She pulled something out from a mess beside her bed. It was the rock she had given me so long ago on our first date. She gave it to me again and asked me as she faded into sleep �Will you remember me?� and I whispered into her ear �Always�
She never woke up. So I got into my car and drove as fast as I could to the beach where it felt like my life had began.

So here I am. Holding the rock that meant so much to the both of us. Looking out on the ocean is when I realized that the ocean was so much more than water, and the water so much more than an ocean. It was an escape. It was something profound without a name. It was all a matter of perspective. The question had no real answer but the rock is what held my answer. I started collecting a bunch of rocks just like it. And sticking them in my pockets. More and more of them collecting them up and down the beach. When I felt I had enough I took my one special rock and turned to the ocean. I don�t know what question the sea brings, only what it answers. It was my way back home and the rock was my way to remember. So as I started walking into the water deeper and deeper, I could feel the kiss of Johanna-Marie in the sea.

Read more about Will You Remember Me? by members.poemofquotes.com

Author's Note

It is my first story written, so be nice, but its important to me so don't be afraid to review it.

Reviews

[bluezoey]

This was insanely beautiful in a sad way because she died :( but the creativity and the vivid descriptions were beautiful :)

[Kayja Symphious]

wow! All I can say is...wow.
I loved the passion that you deliver when it comes to their mutual love.

I have a few suggestions ( take them of leave them ) this is your baby.

" As if the rock itself was the answer to our little question. As if the rock was the answer that I had to figure out."
This is a little repetitive. I do understand the dramatic effect that you were going for, however; an alternative might be:
"As if the rock itself was the answer to our little question. An answer that I had to figure out."

I loved how you used the word "our" in the sentence. Made the scene feel more intimate.

Also, Johanna-Marie sounds like a women that is very much in control of herself, and her surroundings. I would expect the cancer would have torn her world apart. How did she react? How did the teller of this story feel, to see her powerless... for the first time ever. Knowing he could do nothing about it.

Perhaps these questions will be answered later in your story, if so... just tell me to shut up. :D

Great start!
Kayja

[MyOpenThirdEye]

As of now this is going to remain a short story, but I might expand it into something a little longer and more personal.
I'm happy that the characters came alive enough to get attached. If anything your review has taught me the importance of character development. Thank you.