My Once Dearest

Letter to unnamed #1

My Once Dearest,


I held you closer to my heart than I'd ever even held the flame of passion. I broke down those castle walls for you; they took me so many years to build. I confessed to you (my first real confidant), my heart-holding journal in flesh, my deepest fears and desires. I granted you passage across my moat, permission that had never been granted to anyone before you.

And in the naivety of that summer heat, we meshed together as one. My soul so sincere and longing for something, finally, real. Oh how we held one another close as we whispered all would be alright. And in those electric blue midnights, I found the peace that had escaped me so long.

With one meeting of lips the past had no relevance, the chalk washed off the sidewalk, and only the present mattered. In that present... that heated, honestly dishonest present... I surrendered all of my insecurities to you. All my fears of living alone I laid at your feet. All my self-loathing and self-destruction I flung in your arms to survey and destroy. With one meeting of the lips, you did just that.

Those words dripped from your sanguine lips- a confession that I'd never forget. Confession or lie? You couldn't wait until we could display our love to the world. I took it and wrote it in stone. I engraved it into my newly mended heart. The scar-tissue was then just still forming. Your magic was slow-working but ever so intoxicating. You puffed the most beautiful smoke into my atria.

Morning came with the fall that year. Summer's colours gracefully faded while my heart was thrust to the ground, bursting like a crystal ball into shards even smaller than the ones you picked up with your venomous claws. Not one word escaped those lips I once adored. Not one utterance of my love.

Perhaps you were just afraid that I trusted you and loved you so completely. Nevertheless, it seems you never tired of my close-lipped marionette dance I've performed for you ever since. I scramble in the shambles you left me in- my fortress destroyed only to get bombed again and again by those who gave me less false hope than you.

Maybe you were really just that heartless. To own two shifting faces. To be the nurturer when I comply and then no one when I choose to deal in the only way I know how. You would have to own a heart of granite to continually berate me for simply acting on the damage that you yourself caused.

I gave you everything. You gave me nothing but more ammunition to self-destruct.

Sincerely,
Aimee

Author's Note

I got the idea of some sort of self-therapy through writing.
There are so many things I've left unsaid... mainly to those who have hurt me beyond comprehension. Especially those who have no remorse for the damage done.

This is the first.

Reviews

[T.S. Rex]

Wow I could definately think of a person or two this reminds me of...
Very nicely written, it hit a nerve with me. You express yourself so well

[Ed Hart]

It sometimes takes decades to discover that we don't find love, we are love; and that doesn't break...