When Sleep is Stilled

when I can't sleep, I have to imagine I'm with my fiance~ yep, lame poem, but for 6 months of writers block, I'm proud XD

If ever my eyes should grow weary
Though my mind unable to rest,
And if you should fail to be near me -
Soft memories would serve me the best.

I'd surrender my eyes to dreaming
Of you lying close by my side
In the stillness of early morning.
The buzz of my thoughts would subside.

I'd imagine your slow, sleeping breaths,
Sublime peace painted on your face,
And the feel of my hand on your chest -
And at last would've found my place.

I'd descend into the sweetness
Of such rest with the one I love,
That one and only completeness
That has to be sent from above.
 

Author's Note

I know it's not perfect, but I'm working my way out of a half a year of writers block... this is honestly the second thing I've written in about 4 and a half months, I'm sure.

Reviews

[Mark]

I'm so glad to be the first one priveleged to review this very special write, Aimee. You've been talking with me over four months now, off and on, and you know that I prefer rhymed and metered over blank verse, so much more popular among writers of your age. So I am doubly happy to read such a very capable piece from you, not only that is is your first offering in awhile, but that it is DAMN GOOD!! One qwuiet moment, with your beloved tucked safely beside you: who really can ask more than that of life? And you have said it so sweetly, so gently, so wistfully--you've taken me from my "here", to your "there", and there are few poets these days that have that power! I am going to Favorite this, and RR it to many of my friends!

[Marie Anzalone]

Thanks to Mark for directing me your way. I can ironically relate to the long-distance relationship, and what it;s like to lay awake at night, too tired to get up and do something useful, but with the mind racing. Like Barbara Kingsolver points out, "like shutting the refrigerator door but the light doesn't go off"

As I was reading this, I was immediately captivated by your talent. You put me into that waking/ dreaming/ longing state in just a few carefully chosen words, and held the pitch-perfect tone throughout the piece. I hope your block lifts soon... someone with an innate talent like yours could write about coffee grounds and make us want to read it!

Hope you don't spend too many lonely nights...

[R J Askew]

Great stuff. Beautifully gentle and soothing.

[Ellen Hammond]

I love your meter and rhyme. It is refreshing to see in a young poet. This is a sweet and tenderly flowing poem of love. It is delightful to read.

[Samuel Dickens]

I can remember lying in bed and hugging a pillow, imagining that it was my girlfriend. I often find my youngest son in bed asleep, hugging a little stuffed dog that his girlfriend gave him, so I think your experience is not that unusual. You don't mention physically hugging a facsimile, but you do imagine it.
As for the writer's block, I've found that I can't force words to appear if they're not coming. I just switch my attention somewhere else, and within a few days, the tap will turn itself on.
The poem is sweet and tender and think the lucky person of whom you speak should be well pleased.

[bob, small b. aka invs]

this is a very sweet poem. rhyme and meter are tricky things and you've handled them pretty well. i hope this signals the end of your writer's block and i get to see more new writing real soon.

[Sheila Kline]

It is good to see you writing again, and a thank you to Mark for recommending that I stop by and read your latest work!

It is when sleep is stilled that we are allowed to partake of the closeness of one so dear. Your poem illustrates a nice rhyme with a message that is filled with tenderness!

Please do continue to write!

[emmajoy]

Emotionally, you've written so gently and lovingly, sweetly. There are some wonderful lines here: 'I'd surrender my eyes to dreaming' and ' That one and only completeness ~ That has to be sent from above.'

You seem to have deep feelings and to be able to express them so finely is a rare skill. I really look forward to reading more of your writing.

Your first two stanzas are just wonderful, they flow beautifully. I'm not at all good with meter (and Mark will tell me so! :) ) but I wonder if you could read over, aloud, the third and fourth verses and listen to the slight jolts here and there.

Thank you for letting me share. :)