Call Me Igneous

Written and rewritten are the words on this page. Sense or no sense, it’s what I’ve got to give at this stage. I’m not entirely sure what it is or where it’s going, but I can assure you it will end with a self discovery or some other kind of new knowing. The other day I had a thought, and I thought it again today. I don’t fully know what’s going on, but I’m starting to think it’s kind of okay. Tomorrow is not promised, and I don’t yet have a regret from today…I made you think I wanted you to leave, but you’re starting to realise that really, I want you to stay. Don’t be mad when I fight you, otherwise you’ll always be mad. I’m cautious and you know that, but for reasons you’ll never really understand. I could tell you and you could hear me, but what you’d then say, because it’s unknown… scares me. I’m not too  proud to admit when I’m wrong or when I’m afraid, but with you a new pride has emerged and you can’t get through this wall I have no recollection of having made. A wall of safety my instinct knew I needed at the time, I fought it and I fought myself, fought against what I now know to be an inner crime. A crime of passion and a crime of destruction: the mental, the spiritual, the emotional damage - hit at the base and left to crumble the seemingly stable construction. A trip and a fall may be a bit extreme for right now, more like a buckle and a “phew” …but like they say “almost doesn’t count”. That is what I learnt and what I’ll take away from the past few months. No regrets, a few “what ifs”, few daydreams,s sweet memories and some great laughs. A volcano can erupt and the heat may melt even  hard rock. But magma and larva cool, and new rocks, igneous rocks, are formed. Call me igneous.