Fake Happy

There is emptiness where my heart should be

Pain, sadness and anger

These three things make up the person I call me.

There is a cloud over my head,

and a faceless demon lurking around my bed

The smile is fading and the weight of disappointment

and failure is draining my soul

I feel like I'm suffocating 

And the bitter taste of rejection after rejection is

taking it's toll

All I want is to be happy

but instead find myself feeling crappy.

How is it that I can laugh and still feel nothing?

How is it that I blast my music and binge watch movies just to feel something?

Why do I seek comfort and yet push it away at the same time?

Why do I cry and cry and still say I'm fine?

It's so easy to post lie after lie on social media

to the point people believe it

Upload a picture of the biggest smile possible

but behind it all I am wounded

I have been hit

By my mistakes, my regrets, my unreachable desires

I never stop to think about the things 

I have acquired 

no

I am masking it all with this façade that

everything is okay

That my life is alright and that I know the way

But in reality

I'm lost and trying to keep my head above

water before I start to drown

I'm told I always have my head in the clouds

and you know what?

That's right

Because I want to keep my hope and dreams alive

As I fight against my doubts and

inner demons at night.

So to you,

and to everyone else I will display a 

success story

and act the part

even if behind it all

I am going insane 

And my heart is breaking slowly,

slowly,

with all of this pain.