Chapter 2

Slamming the apartment door behind me I threw my keys into the bowl and the letter on to the top of the the dresser beside me. Making my way to the kitchen I stripped off my coat and scarf, threw them onto the back of the couch and pressed play on the ipod dock as I passed. 

The soft, gentle sound of a xylophone started to fill the room. I swayed across the kitchen dancing slowly with my eyes closed to the intro antcipating the burst of electric guitar. And sure enough the quiet xylophone climaxed and the sweet sound of an electric guitar filled the room. My eyes snapped open and I exploded with energy. Dancing around and miming the guitar. Falling to my knees I sang "NIGHTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE" on the top of my lungs in time with the song.

This. These are the moments I lived for. The moments where I could block out the real world, blast my music to ear splitting volumes and let go. Let go of all my troubles, all of my worries, all of my hassle. Feel care free and happy if only for a little while. Be myself. Not give a damn what I look like or how I dance or how awful my singing was. It was a harmless outlet.

Music was my drug and it kept me living. 

Eventually the song ended and giglling to myself I tidied my hair back into a ponytail and boiled the kettle. Tip toeing around softly singing Evanescence to myself to keep my buzz going I organised a sandwhich and coffee and sat down at my desk to check my emails.

Sipping my coffee with one hand and trying to type with the other I scrolled through my emails. "Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam" I though shifting thorugh the masses of unwanted Amazon and Facebook notifications. Nothing back from the sleep specialist's clinic for my insomina related appointment.

Sighing I looked at the clock. 20:18 it read. "It's going to be a long night" I whispered to myself.

Just then I remembered the letter from earlier on I got up to retrieve it. Sitting slowly back down in my chair I opened it carefully, I pulled out a letter that read;

"Dear, Jade.

I have been notified that you are being referred to me by your current psychiatrist Dr.Lee as she feels your condition would be best handled by someone more suited. I am looking forward to meeting you on the scheduled appointment but I have one request. Dr.Lee informed me that you sometimes have trouble speaking how you feel or your thoughts to others so I was hoping that in order to get a better understanding of your position you would write a letter explaining how your condition feels to you. I look forward to working with you. 

Until next time.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Jan C Garavaglia."

"Condition", "working". What was this, a job interview?!

I have to write a letter explaining my depression.
A letter.

"I need another cup of coffee..."