Surrounding of White

Death experience

What circumstance has caused me to see this glow at the tunnels end?  I remember not what has placed me here in this surrounding of white.  Peaceful and quit has it suddenly become, what place is this?  I feel as if I am waiting for another person’s presence.  “Are you here with me?” I ask the room.  My words fall upon no ears.  I cannot move my limbs they feel like unmoved mountains waiting for the earth to awaken and all I can do is move my head.  I continue to look around the room for any sign, message or a note of not being alone.   My existence soon falls asleep as I stand.

Crying soon awakens me from my sleep.  Behind a bed do I stand and I can only move my head.  There sits my mother at the side of the bed.  She weeps with her face in her hands.  “Mom, why do you cry?” I ask.  She does not answer.  To the end of the bed do my eyes move, my brothers are there crying as well.  What has caused the people that have seen me gather my age to sob?  There stand my children all four holding each other as if they haven’t see one another in a hundred years.  I do not like to see them this way, yet my heart does not ache.  I shed no tears with them.  Why am I in this room with my family watching them cry?  My voice does not scream out, nor do my emotions carry heavy.  My eyes grow clearer to where I am.  Very dim lighting darkens the room.  Why do you stand there next to the window in the shadows? 

I am back, back to that day, standing and seeing the horrible day unfold again.  I watch as I walk across the room to sit on the couch.  The anger and emotion on my face, I had just hung up from a very heated phone call.  I had let out a great deal of pain and truth off of my heart.  I sat down on the couch and I said “that felt really good”.  No sooner then I finished my sentence I fell over onto my right side.  I watched as I lay on the couch.  The calmest of calm touches my body.  I felt peace pour across my soul and it was so good, no pain did I feel, at least remember.  I could see on my face a look of serenity, I saw the light through the back door shine onto my face.  It was the brightest light that shined through the sun light.  I can see I am talking to the light but I cannot hear.  I cannot move again, embedded to the floor for another time.  The light is very dim and the corner of the living room is darkened.  Why do you stand next to the window?

As I stared into the dark corner of the living room I can see a shadow, a haze of light blue and gray.  We both saw it.  We saw this figure walk out of the shadow past the fire place and next to the back door beside the brightest of lights.  That’s when I saw him, that’s when I knew my time had come.  I was ready as a child on the first day of school.  Excited and wanting to experience all that is new.  I could hear me speak as I lay on the couch.  It was beautiful and peaceful in the light.  I could see people at the other end passing by like they were walking on a busy street.  We both looked into his eyes and we knew where we wanted to be.  My father stood next to the door as if he was the only one to allow an exit.  His hands were crossed over his waist and he looked as if he was about to take communion.  He looked at me as I lay on the couch and he shook his head no.  He then turned and walked back into the shadows of the living room corner.

When I was a small boy I had a dream that my father left me and was taken away in a helicopter.  Where he was headed I did not know.  When he was to return, he did not say.  Awakened and scared I jumped from my bed and ran the length of the mobile home to my parent’s room, he was not there.  All day I bothered my mother with questions about when will he be home and he did say he was coming back.  I waited all day for my father to return.  I would sit in my room and look out the window waiting for a car to come down the road.  I would ask my mother to call him to see if he was at work, but that would have been a long distance call.  I sat on the front porch crying in the swing hoping five o’clock would come sooner than five o’clock could.  I ended up crying myself to sleep.  I will never forget the sound of the car door shutting.  I popped up like a startled cat and looked out my single pane window.  There he was walking to the porch.  I ran full speed to the front door and as soon as I saw my dad I just stood in front of him as I was waiting for his permission to speak.  He looked at me and asked me what was wrong and I began to cry.  I said “I have waited all day for you to get home”.  He saw I was very upset and this is the first time I can remember my father telling me he loved me.   

I am back in the room.  My mother crying, my brothers and children in tears as well, my vision grows cloudy.  More people have gathered but I cannot see.  I ask my mother again, “why do you cry?” again she does not reply.  I reach out to her to tell her that it’s ok.  I can move, I tell myself.  Curious, I then look at what everyone is crying over.  Sickened of life this person had become, the look of worry and sadness fills a face.  Hands wrinkled skin of no color shown, motionless and without expression.  There I lay, my final resting place.  Peaceful I do not look, worn and beaten more than anything.  The sound in the room soon echo’s through my ears, growing fainter.  I want to hug my mother my family.  I want to tell them not to cry for me.  I lived my life, it may not have been the way I would have written it, yet my heart did beat and I did the best I could.  Please do not forget me but remember me when you can. 

At my mother’s side I try to provide a ghostly comfort but it could not be received.  The room is gone, the crying has stopped and I am standing again in a surrounding of white.  I look around and I call out “hello”.  No response did I hear, but I knew someone was with me.   In the distance I see a door, I walk towards it.  As I get closer the door becomes clearer and recognizable.  It is a thick wood door, slight dark brown in color with faded brass door knobs.  A small diamond shaped window just a foot below the top of the door is covered so no one can see in.  This is the door from our home when I was a child.  Excited and curious I wanted to open it and see what was on the other side.  The knob turned and I became eager as to who was coming through.  The door opened slowly, to my surprise I heard the stomping of feet as if someone was knocking snow from their shoes.  Then he entered the room.  My eyes could not fill with tears, my heart did not fill with joy but my soul felt peace and comfort.  There I was standing in front of him again like a little boy waiting for permission to speak.

My father returned to me just like he did on that day so many years ago.  After he died for years I missed him as I did after I had that terrible dream.  I felt that same pain and I kept wondering when he will be home.  My father came through my childhood door and into my surrounding of white.  He looked at me and said I love you, he then reached for my hand and shook his head yes.  The door opened wider and in the light I saw those people walking on that busy street.  My dad smiled at me and we walked.

Reviews

[Long Whispers]

Very well penned! Good job!