I don’t normally write this way, but I was in some trance (listening to Bob Acri) when I wrote this. It really hurts liking something you know you can’t have. Feelings don’t go away and living in the moment sometimes feels like the only option.
Please let me know what you think…Thanks.
My Review
Would you like to review this Poem? Login | Register
This is such a great poem. It was extremely easy to visualize, almost like a movie in my head, or like a music video possibly. But you did a good job of making your audience (me) connect with your character in such a short amount of time. By the end, when we discovered she was engaged, I wanted it not to be true, for her to be with you. And it made me feel for you. So overall, a fantastic piece of writing!
Lovely and touching are the words..It was so beautiful,cant be sure if my words can express it.But let me try..your each object (noun) followed by an adjective/verb adding more details to it,added a grand flavor and created a visual enchantment eg- piano "lulling.", ship "swaying." created a live movie almost.You know,when you love someone and cant get him,its like the whole life gone astray.Really I connected with the write...splendid...loved each and every word!
This is such a great poem. It was extremely easy to visualize, almost like a movie in my head, or like a music video possibly. But you did a good job of making your audience (me) connect with your character in such a short amount of time. By the end, when we discovered she was engaged, I wanted it not to be true, for her to be with you. And it made me feel for you. So overall, a fantastic piece of writing!
hehehe, sisemi kitu...this poem dragged me into a trance. unlike your usual writing, yes but this is one of those instances when change is a good thing.
A strong poem. I like the description and story in your words. Sometime other people happiness make us wish for a better ending for us. I like the ending to the excellent poem.
Coyote
beautiful piece. I like short phrases because they are quick and to the point. You weave a wonderful story here. In the beginning it made me think of the movie Titanic. It's sad but a nice tale that happens often- the love triangle.
you've touched upon a moment in time which most of us have had to suffer, and in deliciously clever fashion. i don't know why, but the tune "lady in red" came to mind. great write!
![[send message]](https://www.writerscafe.org/images/mail.png){kind=small}
![[befriend]](https://www.writerscafe.org/images/friend.png){kind=small}
first
prev
Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Read Request
My Library
Flag Writing
