LOVE KILLER

We all lose love at some point. But her sister soon follows and lies us to submission

I killed Love today,

Stuck a knife deep in her chest.

Watched the life seep slowly from her,

As her head laid down to rest.

 

I killed Love today,

She didn’t scream or even struggle.

Sadly looked into my eyes,

As if it was something casual.

 

I killed Love today,

Wept openly at her grave.

Shoveled dirt onto her corpse,

And the heart to me she gave.

 

I killed Love today,

Buried her deeper and deeper.

Her gravestone was still warm,

When arrived Lust, her sister.

 

Luckily I met Lust today,

She returned fireworks to my life.

I’ve forgotten all about the late Love,

You’d too, if she was your wife.   

-M.Babu-

Author's Note

I think this speaks for itself. I tried to be loose with this piece and I found it quite fun. Silly? Nice? Predictable? Streamlined? Broken flow?...Please...Your thoughts are welcome.

Reviews

[Alvin L. Kathembe]

haha!great poem! yes,love is a painful, kamikaze state to be in, and im sure everyone who's been broken-hearted - which is to say,everyone - was cheering you on as you twisted the knife! her sister is really hot too, though not as fulfilling... ;)
great imagery, and the sophistication of your metaphors keeps getting greater with every piece...this is stellar stuff bro, straight into the favourites!

[Dr.Who.LOVER]

Awesome job. Really good.

[Amanda Dawn Sanderson-G..]

Silly? No. Nice? Hell no. EVIL! Predictable? ...maybe? I can't phantom poetry being predictable, not by a great writer, such as yourself, anyway. Streamlined? No. Broken flow? Definitely not... the flow stayed perfectly... and even if there had been a bump, it would have worked, especially towards the end when he mentions killing Love for Lust, how sexy...

This poem says a lot about the world today... Lust is far more powerful than Love, and Lust destroys a lot of healthy, happy relationships.... just as She has done so here. And being the s**t (HOMEWRECKER!) hater that I am... I got a tear at the edge of my eye lid and it fell down my cheek...

...now, I pick up my bat and I go hunt down the Lusty b***h-w***e! ;) Ha! I'm just being ridiculous now... great write, Mike! (Yeah, I rhymed!)

[Coyote Poetry]

Old saying of wisdom. "Love and hate. A heart beat apart. Love and lust. Two different corners that rarely is touched." A like this poem. The emotion was perfect for the purpose and reason of the poem. A very good ending to a excellent poem.
Coyote

[{A}shley {B}lack @-;-]

Fantastic poem great flow and structure and you piaint vivid imagery with your words truly the mark of a talented writer

heep them coming and thanks for sharing

100/100 from me this was faultless in my eyes

[Sherbs Dreaming Tree Of..]

Beautifully structured
Amazing subject :)

[Arabdha]

my favorite para is the first one..
"I killed Love today,
Stuck a knife deep in her chest.
Watched the life seep slowly from her,
As her head laid down to rest"
you almost feel compassionate towards the protagonist here..i guess lust is a temporary but nevertheless very effective medicine for love..lol..beautiful and sublime..enjoyed the read :)

[Quinn Blackburn]

Well done overall. Like the flow, good word choices, for the most part, and imagery. Liked this bit a lot
"Her gravestone was still warm,
when arrived Lust, her sister."

I would suggest using "You would" rather than the contraction "You'd" as it does feel like it interrupts the flow, like a speed bump at the end of the road.