The Devil's Wrath (Second-half)A Story by Mutzy At the end of first half, we know that he is going to fight his inner demon (Self-injury) But will he be able to atone for all of his sins? Will he be able to forgive himself? Second Half Part 1- I know Part 2- Clarity Part 3- Love me Regardless Part 4- Eternal Sunrise Part 5- Release Part 6- Warnings Part 7- Capture Part 8- Entrance Part 9- Preparations Part 10- Verification Part
11- I know "Hey!"
Devon said strongly when he saw Ed. He wrapped his arms around him, holding him
gently. "How are you?" Devon
asked. "I'm better now that your with
me. It's been quite the week inbetween meds and being shot in the a*s; it's
been rough." "Do you think you've gotten
better, anyways?" Devon asked. Ed now took a moment to look at his
salvation. He was wearing a pair of well loved blue jeans and a white t-shirt;
a change from his usual black. The blue cross tattoo on his left shoulder was
just peaking out from under his sleeve. His black choker around his neck was
holding a silver cross pendant. Devon was a devout catholic. He was
considering parting from the religion because catholics don't accept
homosexuals. He was trying to continue, but it was getting more difficult to go
into church without strange looks. "I've gotten better." He
says. "I've been seeing someone for an hour every day this week. No more
c-u-t-s." He spelt out silently. "I'm really getting better!!! I'm so
happy!" Devon held Ed tighter to him.
"You want to know what's really been helping me though? I've been spending
lots of time in prayer, thinking, hopping that God would take away my
temptation, my devil. I don't think that self-injury is a man created thing. I
think that it's the Devil's Wrath, taking part on earth. I've been spending
time at confession, admitting that I'm powerless, and that I was really sorry
to God for distroing my body that he gave me." Ed looked at him funnily. "How
have you even been able to get to the church? Don't they know now that we're an
item?" Devon rolled his eyes. "It has
been difficult to even get the nerve." He admitted. "But God made me
this way, so why should I feel ashamed? They just need to get over it. Have you
considered reaching out to God, Edward?" Ed gave Devon a dirty look.
"You know how I feel about God." He reminded him. "I know, but, aren't you willing
to try anything? Please!" He pleaded. "Just give it some
thought." "Okay." Ed said. I'm not going to, he thought. "How's Melody holding up?" He asked. "Well, she wants to come and
see you, but she's. . . nervous that you might be so mad at her, that you don't
want her around. Erika feels the same way. She calls me everyday to see how I'm
doing. They're quite afraid of you. Melody's been crying a lot, I can tell.
She's so unsure that she made the right choice. She's also been painting like
crazy. She's dead set on having one done before you get out. That's really
quick considering all of her school work." "Tell her she made the right
choice, if you see her again. Please. I love you." He reminded Devon.
"Remember that while you go through your treatment." "And you the same." Kyle came out from what appeared to
be no where. "Hi, my name is Kyle." He
extended his hand for Devon to shake. "And you are?" "Devon." "What's your relation to
Ed?" Devon paused for a minute. He
glanced over at Ed, who nodded quickly. "I'm Ed's S.O." "Nice to meet you. I'm sorry
that I have to meet you then quickly take Ed away from you. It's time for him
to spend an hour with me. I'm sorry." Kyle smiled. "Is this
okay?" "Well, yes." Devon told
him. "Just take good care of him for me. He means the world to me." I love you. Ed
mouthed to Devon. And
I'm so sorry. I
know. He responded
silently. I know. Part 2-
Clarity "So talk about Devon."
Kyle began. "Well, he's my S.O. I'm. . .I'm
in love with him I think. We've been together for almost a year now." "Who's Melody? Your
sister?" "No. She was my last girlfriend
before I realized that kissing her was strange. Before me, she was with Devon,
when he realized that he was . . . not for girls. Her and I are still friends
though. She's a painter. She paints whatever is going on in her mind. Some
quite beautiful stuff." He admitted. "Some quite crazy stuff." "Talk about crazy." "Well, when she first realized
what the scars on my arm where, she caught on that it was S.I. I'm not even
sure how, but she did. Once she put it together, she painted a picture of a
nude male character with black wings, being restrained with handcuffs. He was
holding them in his teeth. Then there was a female character wearing a white
dress with white wings, with bright red hair, representing her I'm sure, who
was holding a knife in a position as if to free the male from the handcuffs.
She painted me nude because she understood that I felt exposed and weak. It was
quite the incredible painting." He finished. Kyle jotted something down on a
piece of paper. "When she found out, you felt
exposed and weak?" "Mhum." "Do you want to see her? Are
you still angry with her??" "Yes I want to see her. I want
to let her know that she made the right choice in letting Erika know that I was
struggling with." Ed admitted. "I want to let her know that I'm
fine." "What's fine?" Kyle asked. "I'm recovering, I think. I'm
still struggling too." He admitted. "But I think that I'm getting
better. I'm not angry with her. I'm not sure that I ever was. I'm not even sure
that I'm mad a Erika. I'm just angry at the choice she made of putting me in
captivity here. Melody knew what she had to do. She spent a lot of time crying
while I was in the hospital. She already had to deal with this once with
Devon." "You know, while your in
treatment here, you have the right to make telephone calls and write letters.
There's nothing stopping you from calling her. We can take time out of right
now to call her. Do you want to?" Kyle pushed a telephone sitting on his
desk next to him. Ed took a deep breath and reached
out and dialed the numbers quickly. He held the receiver to his ear and waited. "Hello?" A chipper voice answered. "Hey Mel. It's me." He
said softy. "It's me and I'm fine." "Edward!!" She screamed.
"I've missed you so much! How are you doing? Has Devon visited yet? Tell
me about the other whack-jobs. Does the food suck? Have they put you into a
padded cell yet??" She was so curious! Ed laughed. "I've missed you too, I really
have. Devon has visited and told me that you were afraid to visit. You don't
have to be. This place isn't scary, really, and I'm not mad at you. Really. I
want you and Erika to feel open to come here next weekend to visit. I'm not
mad. Back then I was in a different place, having problems with myself and my
old ways. I'm not better, nor will I ever be, but I'm making steps in that
direction. Please come and see me. I miss you." Ed paused. "What have
you been doing?" "Painting!" She exclaimed.
"Devon has been hanging out around here a lot too. He sits on my bed,
watches me paint and talks about you. he never stops! He was very happy to see
you today. He was speaking as fondly of you like a girl going to a prom!" Ed laughed. "I have to let you go now, Mel. I want
to you come and visit okay?" "Okay!" She said
excitedly. "Bye." Ed hung up the
phone with a click. "You were never told that you
had to get off the phone." Kyle told him. ` "I know. I was ready though. She
understands now. That's all I really wanted to accomplish." Kyle smiled. "I think that were
done for today." He told Ed. "I'm proud of you." Kyle admitted.
"I really am. I think you making that call and telling Melody that you
want to see her probably means the world to her. She was probably beside
herself with fear, being unsure that when you got home that you would never
talk to her again. You've made some good progress." "Thanks." Ed left the
room. Part 3 Proof When I opened my eyes, I felt as
though the weight of the world had leaned Itself off of my chest. I was awake.
I was alive. And I was okay. I had began to make amends to my best female
friend and I was finally getting to get ahold of myself. I understood why I was
put here. My family and friends were scared. They thought that I was a threat
to myself. But why? I don't feel like a threat. Perhaps the medication has
sedative quaility. But I'm In that happy place that makes the entire world
okay. I can't even describe the place I’m
In. There's no pain. Maybe I should call Erika and try to explain to her that
I'm In a better place now. Does she even want to hear from me? What about
Devon? Should I beg him to take me back? I need him, I now realize. I couldn't
live without him. I wouldn't be here without him. Is he In a place to take me
back? I got myself out of bed
and determined I had to use the restroom. I turned on the florecent
light In the bathroom and used the facilities. When I went to turn on the water
to wash my hands, I saw my own refelction. "Oh," I exclaimed quietly.
The water trickled to a stop. I pushed my black hair away and studied my face.
My cheek bones stood out and appeared more pale than normal. My scars showed
themselves with more serverity than before.There was a tan bandage on my wrist
was held together by silver clasps, and I suddenly felt the need to remove them
and to see how these wounds were healing. I slowly began to unwrap the bandage.
Once I got down to my skin. I saw the marks resting there. They were red and
swollen, puckering between the stitches. "Why are those there?" "You were In a harder time of
your life. That's what you did." Devon told me. I looked Into the mirror seeing him
there. "How come you can move on but I
can't?" I begged. I pressed my hand to the glass. "I still want to
get better. I still love you. Why can't you be with me?" A couple tears
escaped unwillingly. "We just need a little time
apart so we can get ourselves together. It won't be forever. You only have ten
days left. I will come visit you again, don't worry. You'll get through
this." He pulled my hand to his lips, and
tenderly kissed my wrist. When he stopped I removed my hand from his grasp and
placed It on my heart. "I wont let this demon get
me." I told Devon. "I will stop causing myself pain." That may have been what I said, but
I wanted to be with him so badly that just seeing him caused me pain. I clawed
my chest until the blood came. "Edward, stop It!" Devon
begged, but I refused to. I just wanted him to love me regardless. Part 4 Eternal Sunrise Ed awoke with tears In his eyes. A
glance at his alarm clock showed It was 4:30 In the morning. It was silent
throughout the whole ward. There was no sound of laughter… no feeling of
franticness. There was nolight, but the glimpse of dawn coming In through the
window. He left his room and proceeded to the main room. Ed entered the room and a nurse
looked up. "Are you okay hun?" She
asked. "Do you need anything?" "I don’t really need
anything." He admitted. "Sorry to bother you. I just woke up and
determined that I wanted to see the sun.." He sat down In a chair near the
windows. The glass was pristine on the Inside but there were prison-like bars on the outside. We really are like caged animals
here.. When will I be released? "I love to watch the dawn every
mornin' I'm here." The nurse said. "It helps remind me that everyday
Is a new day, another chance to become a better person. Yesterday Is over and
there's no changing what's been done.I'm always In need of having a
tomorrow." She said with a sigh. "Time to give another attempt to solve
the same problem from yesterday." "Why do you need second
chances?" Ed asked softly. "Because we all make mistakes,
honey." She sighed. Ed stopped asking questions because
he knew that she didn't want to talk about what was bothering her. I can't blame her. Ed told
himself. I don't want to tell anyone my story either. What Is really causing me pain?
Who Is really causing me pain? I don’t know. Ed ceased asking himself questions
and waited for his next chance to arise. Part 5 Release Before long, It was time for
breakfast. Isaac sat next to Ed and the two ate with few words between them. "Well," Started Isaac.
"How are you fairing today?" "Alright." "Well, I'm doing fairly well
myself. I do have some news for you. Today Is my last day." "Really?" Ed asked
sorrowfully. "So soon? I was just getting to know you! Why are you
leaving? Are you actually done with the program?" "In fact, I am." He
smiled. "It's been a long three weeks." "Well, I'm happy for you, I
guess. What will happen to your
place?" "You'll get a new crazy roomate
who will be less fun than me and I will move on with my life. I tell you, as
soon as I get out of here, I'm going to
call up one of my lady friends and have a good time! This goddamn place didn't
change me. I beat the system. I won the game. Even If they keep an animal In a
zoo, once they're returned It to the wild, It will Inevitably go back to It's
old ways." "You don't have to go back to
acting the way you were." Ed reminded him. "You came here to change,
didn't you?" Ed sighed and finished his meal. It
was time for him to face Terri yet again. "I'm leaving to visit
Terri." Ed told him. "Cool. Once you return, be
aware we're having my going away party." "Party?" "Nah, more like a gathering so
I can say goodbye to everyone. I'm getting honorable discharge. I'm lucky. Not
all of them get to leave like that." Terri appeared to be more well
rested today. Ed didn't need to be asked to remove his shirt and when he did
so, Terri sighed. "Why are those on your
chest?" Terri asked quietly. "What?" Ed asked. "I
promise I havn't cut myself! I've been doing really well not to." Ed now looked down at his own chest.
Three shallow cuts about an Inch an half long went over his heart. They were no
longer bleeding, but they had been deep enough to scab over In deep red. "Don't lie to me." Terri
asked. "Why are these here?" "F**k! I don't know!" He
exclaimed. "Don't play any games with me.
You know you can tell me." Terri said softly a sweetly. "I don't know!" Ed yelled.
Then the dream from last night returned to him. "Is It possible for people to
hurt themselves like this In their sleep?" He asked quietly. "You're now going to blame this
event on sleeping? I'm not buying It." "Well, dreams are yes, but
responding to them phiscally while sleeping, I'm unsure about. I still have to
fill out a Incident report but I will believe you for right now. Ultimatley, I
will take Kyle's oppinion." Terri now gave Ed a little cup containing
all of his meds and glass of water. He took them without fight because he was
already starting to feel the effects. He felt a little sedated all of the time
and that In Itself wasn't allowing his emotions to go spiraling out of control
he was also sleeping more deeply at night, giving him a better dispoition. He
left the nurses station and proceeded to go back to the Group A room. Sandra
smiled when he walked In. "Well, everybody, today we have
someone getting a discharge." Everybody but Isaac looked miserable. "I
wish that It was my turn." Was the common slogan heard around the group. "So Isaac," Sandra asked.
"Is there anything you want to say to the rest of the group before you
depart?" "I'm just thankful for finally
being able to get out of here, really. Just wanna thank you guys for sticking
by me during my journey to recovery. That's all I have to say really. Can I
have Ed help me carry my bags out?" "Sure." Replied Sandra. Ed
and Isaac left the group room and returned to their room. All of Issac's
belongings were already bagged so Ed picked up a couple of them and proceded to
exit the room. Isaac laid a hand on his shoulder and took the bags from Ed and
gently placed them back onto the floor. "I don't really need you to
help me with my stuff, I just really wanted to give you a formal and Individual
goodbye." Issac pressed Ed up against a wall. "You don't even know how long I
have been attracted to you." Isaac stated. "I'm so happy to leave
this hellhole but I don't know who will take care of you. You've still got a
while left here." Issac backed off phsically from Ed but the Intensity In
his eyes never wavered. "I can take care of myself now
that I know the ropes. I've already formed an allience with Dawn and I think I
already have the worst parts of my Illnes taken care of. Don't worry about me,
you just need to make sure you don't get HIV. Okay?" Ed told him. Issac sighed. "I'm sorry that I
had to lie to you, Edward. I'm really am." "What on earth could you have
lied to me about?" Ed laughed. "I'm not a sex addict. You
really thought that people like that end up here? I do enjoy a warm bed, I
admit, but I’m twenty-two years old and I’m a heroin addict. Because my parents
are rich, I got the drugs and became an addict. I finally admitted to Kyle who
I was. It wasn’t until yesterday that I finally realized that I really needed
help. Once I told him. we had a long discussion and determined that It was best
for me to leave this hospital and go to another one more suited for fixing me.
I lied to everyone the entire time I was here, even myself. Now that I've come
to terms with who I am, I'm going to get help. I really don't want to leave you,
but I have to for me." "I'm fine." Ed stated.
"You helped me begin to get ahold of myself, I'm glad that you were able
to do that to me. Just take care of yourself, where ever life takes you from
this point forward. And continue to heal the wounds from your past." Issac chuckled. "Well, that's going to be
difficult. I'm already HIV positive." And with those last words, Issac
grabbed his bags and left the physch ward for anotherr bed In a rehab center. Part 6 Warnings After Ed saw Issac depart, he laid
down on his bed and tried to enjoy having a bedroom all to himself. Not that
Issac was ever much of a hinderance, but still, having this much privacy In a
phych ward was uncommon. He lied there until he saw that It
was time for his appoinment with Kyle. He gently walked down the hallway,
entered Kyle's room and sat down on the couch. "I want to talk about
Issac." He started. "He told me that he really wasn't addicted to sex
and that he was a heroin addict. Also that despite he was leaving us he was
just going to another program. Is all of this true?" "I cannot either confim or
deney any of the statements you're making. Patient confidentaillity." "C'mon please?" Ed begged.
"I just want to know that he's going to get better and that he's going to
stay safe." "Yes he will." Kyle
stated. "Don't worry about him. Worry about yourself. Now tell me about
this dream you had last night. I'm quite curious." "In this dream I went to the
bathroom and removed my bandage on my wrist looked at my cuts they were gross
and I saw Devon In the mirror and I wanted him. And then I'm not sure why I
clawed at myself. Oh yeah! It's because I wanted to be with him so bady It
caused me pain and that's how I proceded to get rid of It." "So you miss him." Kyle
concluded. "Very much so. I haven't lived
In Maine for more than a few weeks and I had no aquantances up here and I was
dealing with the trama of moving and trying to recover from all of the abuse of
my father. A lot of changes. But Devon and Melody have ben staying very close
and being very good friends. I'm here now, and although Issac has, excuse me,
was a very good friend I still miss Devon." "Is he coming today?" "Why?" Kyle asked
Inquisititvly. "Seeing him for a moment would
Infact, give me joy, but within a few hours, I would just see him walk away,
leaving me with sadness." "I see." Kyle cleared his
throat. "Do you think your voilitle relationships with friends and family
have anything to do with how your father treated you?" Kyle chuckled. "Even though
that question may have seemed mundane to you, because you could tell me what
was causing your strained relationships that means that you understand, to some
extent, what's going on Inside of you emotionally. How do you think that we can
begin to solve this Issue of trust?" "You think It can be
done?" Ed guaffed. "I know It can be done. Do you
remember the first time you came to meet with me?" "Of course." "I guess It Is." Ed
smiled. "Maybe there Is some hope for me." "I think so." Kyle smiled.
"You just have to keep fighting the good fight. It's going to get a little
rocky In the next day or so, so don't be afraid to ask to leave rooms or
situations that you're having a hard time dealing with. Just try really hard to
abstain from self-Injury and you'll be continusly advancing towards self
Inprovment. I'm reminding you of these things because you will be getting
another roomate by the end of the day. Just try to rememeber how you felt when
you first got here, and try to patient okay?" Part 7 Capture Ed left his appointment with Kyle
feeling a little weary. He may have told Kyle that he can deal with the change
of a roommate, but In reality Ed felt a little afraid of what the next day
would bring for him. He wasn't ready to make any new friends, nor did he want
to be alone. Ed returned to the main room to see
that no one was there. He took a seat In the nearest armchair and took a deep
breath. Quite frankly, he was bored. He sat there for a few minutes In silence,
hoping for something to occur. When nothing did, he proceeded back to his room
to do a little tidying. He made his bed then proceeded to
put his laundry Into a pile. When he picked up a pair of jeans he uncovered a
notebook opened to a page of poetry. He knew that reading It would do nothing
but bring him sadness so he ripped the page out and threw It away. He lied back
down on his bed, rememebering what It was like to be new In the pshy ward and
tried to remind himself to be patient with the new commer. By the time he
determined this It was time for group. Sandra smiled as everyone came In.
Everyone took their usual seats In the group but the chair next to Ed remained
empty, painfully reminding him that Issac was In fact gone and that within the
end of the day someone far less pleaseing would take his place. "Well, everyone" Sandra
began. "Today we're going to talk about honesty." "Like hell we are." Dawn
muttered. "So, who would like to start
today?" Sanra asked politly. "Not me." Said Dawn. Nobody said a word for at least ten
minutes when she finally asked, "Ed, tell me of a time that you
were not honest." " I don't feel like It."
He complained. "Ask someone else." "Please?" Sandra asked,
with a hugefake grin on her face. Part 8 Entrance Ed returned to his room to find
someone there unpacking his belongings from a trashbag. "Hello," He started.
"My name Is Ed and I'm your roomate." "F**k off" The boy said.
He looked up from his bag and met Ed's eyes. His eyes were Intense green and he
had vibrant red hair. He stood a couple Inches below six feet had buldging
biceps, and broad shoulders. One of his hands, from the knuckles forward, was
bandaged. He wore decent running shoes, a pair of worn out bluejeans and a grey
t-shirt. During this time when Ed was
studding him, he was appartently studying him because he smiled malciously and
said "Cutter." "Uhm, well I'm working on
that." He grabbed his wounded wrist with his other hand In an attempt to
hide It. "Just don't bother me and I'll
be out of here soon. I'm planning on escaping." He grinned solomly. "How?" Ed questioned.
"There's no way to get off of this floor, so how do you expect to get off
of this floor, never mind escaping?" "Well, I refused to take my
meds once and they shot me In the a*s, which knocked me out. You're going to
have a hard time getting out of here." "No I won't." He Insisted.
"Now just get the f**k out of my room and we'll have no problems. Ed suddenly felt his aderline
pumping. "You say this Is your
room" He gritted through his teeth. "We're going to have a problem
then. I've been here longer than you and that means In the very least you have
to give me enough respect to let me stay In my own room. Got It?" "Well, look at you trying to be
tough." The boy boasted. "You think you can take me? I could f*****g
throw you across my room." He placed extra emphasis on the my. "No I don't, but I really wish
you and I could just live In peace, okay?" "It ain't gonna happen. I don't
make friends, I just keep alliences to make sure I don't get hurt. And lemme
tell you, If you cause me trouble, I'll pay you back." Dn’t be afraid to leave rooms or
situations that you';e having a hard time dealing with. Kyle's words echoed
In his head. "I'm leaving." He stated. "Fine, leave!" The kid
yelled to Ed's back. Part 9 Prepertions "I can't deal with this
s**t." Ed muttered to Dawn. The two of them were sitting In the
main room together, waiting for It to be dinner time. Right now was visiting hours
but niether had anyone come to see them. "He'll come around." Dawn
reasurred him. "It's just scared like a 'Ittle kid during Halloween. He's
probably going through some s**t right now and he's just not sure how to deal
with It. That's why he's here." "I still can't stand him."
Ed commented. "I hope he's In and out of here quickly. He says that he has
plans on escaping. I laughed and told him that all was going to happen Is that
he's gonna get shot In the a*s and get In tons of trouble." Dawn gave a hearty laugh. "You
know that as the truth already. Just let him try to escape. It sounds like It
could be lots of fun." "So, when Is your boyfriend
going to visit again?" Dawn shifted topics. "I'm not sure, but I hope soon.
I think my best female friend may be coming tomorrow and I'm really excited
about that. I think she'll be able to understand and be calm about everything.
Im still not ready to see my mom though. I'm quite pissed she put me here, but
the more time I spend here, the better I think I'm getting." "Well that's great!" Dawn
said. "I haven't cut In a while myself. Speaking of which," He said
In a low tone. "Do you want the knife to help you deal with this kid? I
kinda wanna get It out of my room. I'm the one who turned you In, so they're going
to suspect me and probably search my room soon." Part of Ed's mind told hin to turn
It Into Kyle so niether of them had to deal with It, but at the same time this
kid was driving him up the wall. . . "Sure." Ed said quietly.
So he followed Dawn to his room and placed It Into his pocket. "Be sure to find a safe place
for It." Dawn told him. "I'm not ready to let It go." "I thought we were both trying
to though. Though I'm not doing very well, see?" He lifted his shirt and
exposed the three cuts above his heart. "How'd you make those?" "With my own hands, In my
sleep. I truly am addicted and cannot live without." Ed shook his head and
looked at a clock on the wall. "It's dinner time." He
concluded. "I'm going to drop this off In my room and I'll be right
down." He walked down the hallway down to his room, and looked In to make
sure the kid wasn't there. When he verified this, he entered cauously and put
the knife quietly under his pillow In case of a later use. Once the job
complete, he ran to meet Dawn for dinner. Part 10 Verification Ed was munching on his dinner and
chating with Dawn when Terri approached him. "Once you're done, could you
please come with me?" She asked pleasantly. "I'm not In trouble, am
I?" He asked with a tremor In his voice. She shook her head no. "It's
nothing to worry about." She smiled Ed finished the remainder on his
plate, then followed her out of the caféteria, down the hallway Into her
station. "Sit down." She said
kindly, pointing to his usual spot. "I just wanted to talk to you
about what you said this morning. I had a conversation with Kyle and we're
going to believe your story that you had dream and that's how the most recent
cuts occurred. You are not In any trouble. We looked Into It to see If It was
your meds and there's a possibility that you were In fact awake when you did
this, but you were In such a state that you didn't even have the concious
thought of doing it. You just need to keep trying to stop, alright?" She
smiled. "I have faith In you. You just need to believe In yourself." "I agree." "Also, If you're ready, I think
It's time for us to remove the bandage and see If your healing well." Terri grabbed some gauze, ointment,
siccors, oversized q-tips and a wrap around bandage, set them down on the
counter beside her and grabbed a chair and sat down directly facing Ed. She
very gently took his wrist from his lap and placed it on her own. Ed turned his
face away. "You don't want to see them."
Terri noted. "And that's alright I guess. But I really think that you
should see them." His body froze. "I understand why you don't but If
you keep acting like they don't exsit, you're not going to be able to fix the
problem behind them. I'm going to try to be really careful and not cause you
any phsical pain." I know, you're already causing me
enough mental pain. He thought. She undid the two metal clasps and
slowly unwound the bandage. She took It off and placed It on the counter. She
then slowly unhindged the medical tape from the front of his wrist and pulled
off the gauze. It stuck to the cuts a little so she took her time and slowly
removed It. The cuts were even worse than what
he saw In his dream, but he didn't know this yet. They were red and swolloen
and oozing with pus with little black stiches holding his skin together,
attempting to make the two halves reconnect and heal. "They look like they need
air." Terri stated. "I'm going to try to remove the pus very gently
with a q-tip. It may hurt some, the wounds are still fresh, but I'm going to be
very careful. Ed knew that looking away from these
kinds of things tended to help with the pain, but there was some part of him
that wouldn't allow It. Look. The voice said. See
what you've done to yourself, sinner. He very slowly began to turn his
head to see the symbols of his past. Terri noticed he was attempting to look at
them, so she waited a minute before beginning to clean them. She placed her
hand gently under his. He looked at them and lost his
breath. "I can't believe It." He
gasped. "These were my salvation. And still made be." He pulled his wrist out of Terri's
lap to examen It more closly. "I-I can't." He whimpered. He turned
his head so he couldn't see them. "Just clean them up." He
begged. "Cover them back up so I don't have to see." While Terri was wipping away the
puss Ed pulled his hand out of her lap. "It hurts." He wined.
"Stop." Tears were starting to work their way down his face. Terri sighed. "It's going to.
I'm sorry. All I have to do Is wipe the ooze away, use a little hydrogen
peroxide, then apply an ointment. I'm trying really hard not to hurt you. Just
try to be paitent with me." She finished with the first step,
then moved Ed's wrist over a trashcan. "This Is going to hurt the
worst, okay? It shouldn't last very long though." She poured the peroxide
generously over his wrist and let the extra flow Into the trash. "F**k." He muttered
softly. He resisted the urge of pulling his wrist away again. Terri dried the wound with a soft cloth,
then applied the ointment with a q-tip. "All done." She told him. "You didn't cover It back
up." "No I didn't. They need
sometime to breathe. You can come to me first thing In the morning and I will
cover them, but for tonight give them some time In the open air. You can go to
bed now, If you want. The extra sleep may do you some good. Goodnight." Ed left the room without letting
Terri see the tears resting on his cheeks. Part 11- Feeling particularly exhausted from
his ordeal with Terri, Ed did retire to his room. He wanted to take a shower
but was afraid of aggivating his wrist, so he decided against It. Once he got to his room he noticed
the boy sitting on his bed, and Kyle standing In the doorway. "So then, goodnight." Kyle
told the boy and he left without noticing Ed. He then took a deep breath to
steady himself and he entered the room. "Hey," The boy called to
him. "My name's Joey. Sorry to be a prick eariler I'm just pissed with
being here." Ed smiled. "So perhaps we can
relate after all. That's how most people feel when they get here. If you want,
I can Introduce you to everyone." Joey shook his head. "I’m not
ready for that yet. I just want to go to sleep and deal with tomorrow as It
comes. I'm going to run away tomorrow." He grinned. "And I'm going to
make It out of here." Ed shook his head. "You can't
survive out there for very long without being found nor can you survive on the
streets." Joey laughed. "I live on the streets.
I'm part of a Brotherhood. I take care of them, they take care of me. I know
how to get out of places like these. I've helped people do It before, so now
people are going to help me." He does seem serious about this. Ed noted. "You're bandage Is off."
Joey noticed. "You're very observant."
Ed replied. "Have to be with the life I'm
livin'. Wow. Your scars are deep. You're one of the serious ones, aren't you?
You wanna see my scar?" Joey questioned. "Um, sure." Joey proceded to lift up the left
sleeve of his t-shirt. On his muscled shoulder there was a black outline of an
eagle. "Tattoos are really just
colored scars. Yours looks cooler anyways." "Are you f*****g joking.?"
Ed got up from the bed. "These signs of pain and hatred and relief are
appealing to you? Are you crazy? I wish every single day of my life I could get
rid of my sins. And you think they look cool?" He took a deep breath and
proceeded to speak more calmly. "I just spent half an hour with
the nurse cleaning these up. These were the deepest cuts that I had ever made
and It was the first time I had ever seen them unwrapped. And do you want to
know what I did? I cried. Just like a child, I cried. I begged her to stop
because It hurt. Both her trying to take care of them and me having to look at
them. She wanted me to though. She wanted me to understand what I had done to
my own body. She also said to keep them unwrapped for tonight. I don't think
they really need some time out as much as she wants me to be able to see them
and remember as so I can never forget my wrongdoings; she wants me to become
stronger so I can learn to not treat myself In this way ever again. The signs
of my sinns and my passions are etched Into my flesh forevermore. The scars will
never go away, nor will the memories behind them. And you think they have a visual appeal? If only you
understood." He now lied down In bed. "Make me understand."
Joseph asked. "What?" "Ask me another time. I'm too
tired tonight. The last half-hour has been quite a lot for me." Ed crawled
Into bed. "Perhaps I'll talk to you tomorrow."
Part 11-
Feeling particularly exhausted from
his ordeal with Terri, Ed did retire to his room. He wanted to take a
shower but was afraid of aggivating his wrist, so he decided against
It.
Once he got to his room he noticed the
boy sitting on his bed, and Kyle standing In the doorway.
"So then, goodnight." Kyle
told the boy and he left without noticing Ed. He then took a deep
breath to steady himself and he entered the room.
"Hey," The boy called to
him. "My name's Joey. Sorry to be a prick eariler I'm just
pissed with being here."
Ed smiled. "So perhaps we can
relate after all. That's how most people feel when they get here. If
you want, I can Introduce you to everyone."
Joey shook his head. "I’m not
ready for that yet. I just want to go to sleep and deal with tomorrow
as It comes. I'm going to run away tomorrow." He grinned. "And
I'm going to make It out of here."
Ed shook his head. "You can't
survive out there for very long without being found nor can you
survive on the streets."
Joey laughed. "I live on the
streets. I'm part of a Brotherhood. I take care of them, they take
care of me. I know how to get out of places like these. I've helped
people do It before, so now people are going to help me."
He does seem serious about this.
Ed noted.
"You're bandage Is off."
Joey noticed.
"You're very observant." Ed
replied.
"Have to be with the life I'm
livin'. Wow. Your scars are deep. You're one of the serious ones,
aren't you? You wanna see my scar?" Joey questioned.
"Um, sure."
Joey proceded to lift up the left
sleeve of his t-shirt. On his muscled shoulder there was a black
outline of an eagle.
"Tattoos are really just colored
scars. Yours looks cooler anyways."
"Are you f*****g joking.?"
Ed got up from the bed. "These signs of pain and hatred and
relief are appealing to you? Are you crazy? I wish every single day
of my life I could get rid of my sins. And you think they look cool?"
He took a deep breath and proceeded to speak more calmly.
"I just spent half an hour with
the nurse cleaning these up. These were the deepest cuts that I had
ever made and It was the first time I had ever seen them unwrapped.
And do you want to know what I did? I cried. Just like a child, I
cried. I begged her to stop because It hurt. Both her trying to take
care of them and me having to look at them. She wanted me to though.
She wanted me to understand what I had done to my own body. She also
said to keep them unwrapped for tonight. I don't think they really
need some time unwrapped as much as she wants me to be able to see
them and remember as so I can never forget my wrongdoings; she wants
me to become stronger so I can learn to not treat myself In this way
ever again. The signs of my sinns and my passions are etched Into my
flesh forevermore. The scars will never go away, nor will the
memories behind them. And you think they have a visual appeal?
If only you understood." He now lied down In bed.
"Make me understand." Joseph
asked.
"What?"
"Ask me another time. I'm too
tired tonight. The last half-hour has been quite a lot for me."
Ed crawled Into bed. "Perhaps I'll talk to you tomorrow." Part 12 The First Trial
Ed awoke the next morning to see his
friend still sleeping so he quietly exited the room to see Terri. He
knocked on the door heard the phrase come In and he did so.
"I think I've had enough time
looking as these." Ed told her as he showed her the wounds. "Can
you cover them back up now?"
"Sure." So Terri did so.
"It was hard for you yesterday."
Terri stated. "You don't need to respond. I know It was. But you
also now that It was something that you had to see. You needed to
understand how horrible It looked to help you continue forward In
your treatment. I'm sorry that I had to hurt you. But I know you
understand now."
"I already have a mother, thank
you." Ed muttered, then he left the room.
He now returned to his bedroom to find
his roomate awake. He was on top of Ed's bed and appeared to be
searching for something.
"Hello?" Ed called to him.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"Searchin' for silver."
Joseph replied. He now removed Ed's pillow case from his pillow,
discovering where Ed had hidden his knife.
"Well that was easy." Joseph
now examend the blade. "This could do some damage. Mind If I
borrow It? I can? Good."
"I never said that you could!"
Ed's voice wavered. "You're just going to use It hurt people to
aid you In getting out of here."
"How Is that any different than
how you use It? You use It to hurt yourself to get out of the current
situation that you're In."
"I only hurt myself not the
Innocent people around me!" Ed was yelling now. If he could only
get someone's attention then the knife would be free from Joseph. But
If he called someone Into the room then they would take the knife for
good.
"Joseph, please give me my knife
back. If they find It, then they're going to take It away for good
and I'm not ready for that yet." Ed pleaded.
"Why should I even listen to
you?"
"I dunno. You just should."
"Heh. I don't listen to
nobody."
"And you're going to give me your
key so I can be freed from this f*****g prison. Just take of the
badge and put It Into my hand." He commanded.
The hostage tried to yell but Joseph
covered her mouth with his hand.
What the hell am I to do? Ed
thought. If I try to save
her, then I risk being put Into the situation and being harmed.
Ed began running until he came Into
the nurses office. He looked around the room frantically and finally
he saw It. Ed pressed a button on the wall.
Code Green 2 South Code Green
He now sprang from the room back to
Joseph. He now realized that Terri was the hostage.
"F**k!" There was no one
there yet to respond to the code green. "Get off of her!"
Terri was struggling to get free but
Joseph had her on her stomach with her arms tied behind her back with
what appeared to be a strip of a bedsheet. Ed didn't like to fight,
but he wasn't going to let anyone else get hurt. . .
Ed went to Joseph and swung a punch at
his face. Joseph was the more experienced fighter, and grabbed Ed's
wrist before It made contact and moved his punch away. Joseph then
proceeded to knee Ed In the gut. He fell to the floor and curled Into
a ball. Then It all came back to him.
I was hiding under the bed In my
parents room when they entered. I knew there was going to be an
argument tonight. I was sick of him beating up my mom. Tonight was
the night that I was going to fight back.
"I'm not disowning him, Paul!
He Is my son, he Is my flesh and blood. I love him!"
Paul snorted. "He's not my
flesh and blood! He's a parasite! He does nothing but live here! He
eats our food,"
"That child hardly eats a
thing!" Erika yelled. "If you can't love my son, than you
can't love me!" She yelled. "I'm not dealing with this
anymore. I'm leaving with him so he can experience a real life and a
loving father!"
Erika proceeded to leave the room
when Paul's hands grabbed her by the shoulders.
"Let go of me!" She
screamed.
"You're not leaving." Paul then raised a fist and punched
her In the face. She dropped to her knees crying. He then slapped her
with all the strength he could muster. Erika fell to the floor. I
knew It was time to fight.
I crawled out from underneith the
bed.
"Stop hurting her!" I
commanded.
"And what the f**k are you
doing In here?" Paul roared.
"I'm protecting my mother!"
Paul proceeded to slap me across my
face but I ran In front of my mother and spread my arms wide.
"You-are-going-to-stop-hurting-her!"
I yelled. Erika made no sound. She must have known better and that's
why she stopped fighting. But I didn't care. It was finally time for
me to start fighting and stop playing the victom.
I went to punch Paul but I missed.
He then punched me In the face. I continued fighting strong. We
traded half a dozen punches when he made contact a second time. I
felt my nose bleeding. The pain didn't bother me. If anything, It
made me stronger.
He now opened the door and threw me
out of It. My back slammed Into a picture on the wall and the glass
shattered. I felt the needles of glass stabbing Into my arm. The
largest pain came from a piece of glass by my elbo. The blood was
flowing in bright red ribbions down my left arm. I didn't bother to
try to pull the glass out, I knew that I would Inevitably cause more
damage to myself.
By the time I got back up, Paul
slammed the door and locked It. I got up dazily and proceeded to
break the door down. I accomplished nothing. I would have grabbed a
phone, but the only phone In the house was contained In the now
locked bedroom. I left the house, and ran for the neighbors. The
entire time I was thinking, 'I've failed her again. I let him hurt
her again.' I called the police, but by the time they came, Paul had
left and my mother said she was raped. I vowed to never let a man
hurt a woman again If I could prevent It. . .
While In my memory, Joseph had managed
to wrangle the badge from Erika and was now running down the hallway,
towards freedom.
Ed ran after him until they reached
the door that lead downstairs. Joseph struggled with badage and could
not get the door to open.
"D****t. C'mon. All I want to do
Is get out of a mad house!"
Ed now grabbed his leg and pulled him
to the floor. They fought there for a minute until Ed punched him In
the face. Once. Twice. Three times. Then the barage of muscled men
came down the stairs. Ed kept hitting Joseph until he was pulled
away.
"Are you responding to the code
green?" Ed yelled.
"Yes."
Then two of the five men grabbed
Joseph, Injected the needle Into his buttox and Joseph stopped
struggling within a minute. One of the men pulled the knife from his
hand.
Now Terri joined the barage of men.
"Did you get him?" She
asked.
"Yes."
A couple of the men began moving
Joseph back to his bed.
It was only Terri and Ed and one of
the 'code green enforcers' that remained by the door.
"Are you alright?" The man
asked Ed.
"Yeah I'm fine."
"Terri, did he hurt you?"
"No. I'm glad that you knew what
to do, Edward. He, he had a knife. He could of hurt me really badly.
But you were there to help me. Thank you."
Her green eyes looked Into his
gingerly, but then more deeply. "You were scared. I know you
were. You don't like to fight. . ." Terri began to verbally put
the piceses together of everything that just happened. "You
we're scared becausee something happened to you once, like this."
Ed held up a hand to silence her. "I
don't want to hear anymore because you're right. I have already
experienceed something like this. I couldn't bear to see another
woman hurt when I could have prevented It." He began to walk
away.
"And he had your knife!" She
stated. "You were afraid of loosing your knife!"
Ed stopped dead In his tracks.
"That’s. . .Just don't say any
more!" He turned around and looked her In the eyes as he yelled.
"I know that's not the only
reason." She continued. "I know that you also wanted to
save me. Thank you. But you need to give up the knife so you can save
yourself. I'm giving you permission to take group thearpy off today.
You need some time to relax. You’re appointment with Kyle Is after
lunch. I'm going to tell him everything that happened from my
perspective. Then you'll need to tell him what made you tick for
those moments. I'm not a shirnk, I'm a nurse. But It doesn't take a
docterate to tell that someone needs love and attention. And you know
that you can't rely on other people for your own salvation. You are
the key to your recovery.
Part 13- Proud Scars
Ed now walked away from Terri.
Why does she always say things that
expose me?How could she reap all of the Information without me saying
a word?
He went to his bedroom and lied down
on his bed. He began to reach under his pillow case but shortly
withdrew his hand remembering that his knife wasn't there anymore.
I want to sleep, but I'm afraid of
the nightmares.
But he gave Into the desire and slept
anyways. He awoke In time for lunch, so he went down and joined the
rest of his group. Joseph wasn't awake yet. Ed ate alone then went to
face Kyle.
Ed entered the room gingerly. He then
sat down at his usual spot on the couch.
"So, you've already managed an
Intreresting day." Kyle started. "Tell me about what
happened from your perspective."
"I don't want to." Ed said
quietly. "Terri told you everything accuratly I suppose. I don't
want to repeat her. She seemed dead on with everything that she was
telling me."
Kyle sat back In his chair for a
moment, thinking. Then he sat towards the front of his
chair again.
"She made a statement that
bothers me. She said that Joseph had a knife. The chances of him
smuggling one In are quite slim because he was In the hopspital
before this, and everything destructive was taken away from him. So,
It wasn't his. So It must have been yours." Kyle said softly.
Ed didn't move.
"You need to tell me the truth."
Kyle now grabbed a set of keys,
unlocked a desk drawer and pulled out Ed's knife.
"Does this look familiar to you?"
"Yes." He breathed.
"Did you somehow smuggle this
Into the hospital? Did you have your boyfriend bring It In?"
"No. It was here before I was.
Once, someone, somehow managed to get It In here and It Is now hidden
among the group members and traded back and forth when necessary."
Ed looked down at the floor. "I
never meant for anyone Innocent to get hurt with It. I just wanted to
keep It to myself. But Joseph found It. He told me that he was going
to try to escape from here. So when he left and began to threaten
Terri I ran to her office and hit the code green button. Then I
returned to the situation and fought with Joseph. Then the men
arrived because of the code green. They pulled me off of him and
that's the end of the Interresting part of the story."
"Why did you feel the need to
save Terri?"
"I'm not sure." Ed lied.
"She said that you paused for
about a minute while fighting Joseph. There was something going on In
your mind. What was It?"
"Why does It matter at all to
you?" Ed retorted.
"I find that what comes Into a
person's mind during different situations If often a good Indicator
of something that has previously occurred, that Is still effecting
you now. The only reason why I draw Information out of you Is
because you never know what one little memory can unlock when It
comes to treating a patient."
He's only doing It to try to help
you. Devon's voice entered
Ed's thoughts.
"Because . . .She was In a
situation like my mom was. I didn't want her to get hurt."
"What situation?" Kyle's
voice got lower. "What are you hiding?"
"Hell, maybe I'm not hidding
anything. Why can't I tell you what happened when I'm ready?"
"I'm afraid this situation Is too
grave to leave any part of It undicussed."
"Well, If the truth must be told,
I had managed to hardly remember these events until this day. When
the memory came to me, they were the most clear that I had seen them.
My father was home. And my mother was too. I knew that they were
going to argue so I hid under the bed. I was sick and tiered of him
hurting my mother. So once he hit her, I came out from under the bed
and tried to protect her. But he just hurt me too. Then he threw me
out of the room and I had to listen as he raped my mother."
Ed was crying now, with more force
than ever before. "I told myself that I'd never let another
woman get hurt my a man If I could prevent It. So I protected her.
Terri, I mean. Even though It meant finding my knife and taking It
away from me."
"Y'know Kyle," Ed started.
"Everyone can see the scars on my arms very clearly and I'm
constantly called a coward or disrespected because of them. Not all
of my scars are by my own hand." He now lifted up his right arm,
showing Kyle the underneith from his elbo to his shoulder.
"Probably didn't tell you about
these In your report. I didn't give these ones to myself. When my
father threw me out of the room, I smashed Into a picture, which was
In a glass frame. My right arm took the blow and sent shards of glass
Into my arm. Those are the only scars that I am proud of, to this
day."
They sat In silence for a minute, the
Kyle sighed.
"You do understand that having a
knife Is obviously against saftey precausions and that you could be
thrown out of here for It."
"But Joseph was the one who used
It Improperly! I would have never hurt anotherr person with It!."
"But still, you should have
turned It In."
"If you were a sex addict and you
found some porn, would you give It to a superviser so you couldn't
have It?"
"I understand what you're saying,
but still, you could get kicked out because of It."
"Wonderful! I'm ready to get the
hell outta here!" Ed smiled. "I didn't know you were going
to be such an angel.
If I have to leave then so long! Enjoy the rest of your life!"
Ed proceeded to leave the room with a
smile on his face.
"But you still need help."
Kyle said, stopping him In his tracks. "And because you still
need help and because Joseph was the one being threatening with It,
he may be kicked. He will probably be sent somewhere better for his
needs. For the rest of the day I highly recommend that you attempt to
avoid him. If he starts being phisically aggressive or you fear for
your safety, leave the situation and get a caretaker to solve the
situation."
Ed now left Kyle's office and returned
to his room.
Joseph appeared to be awake but In a
lot of pain.
"You b*****d."
"Listen, I don't want to fight
with you. I never wanted to fight anybody, I just needed to save
Terri. She doesn't deserve to be hurt."
"You should have not done
anything and just let me have my way!" Joseph demanded.
"I want nothing but peace between
us, really." Ed stated matter-o-factly. "Not necessarily
friends, but not enimies."
"I refuse. And as soon as I feel
like I can move, I will get you."
"Is that a threat?" Ed
smiled.
"It's a promise."
"Have It your way." Ed
taunted. "I'm done being hurt my other people. I want to be done
with being angry at you. You're just as musted up as I am right now.
I don’t know what find of help you need, but I hope you get It
here. I hope that you can begin to recover. It seems, at first, that
It's Impossible, but I can tell you that I have already Improved more
than what I thought could be possible. I hope you get to experiencee
that feeling before long."
Ed left the room because he felt as
though he had said his piece. Part 14- Prove It!
Ed left the room once again, but was
not sure what to do next. He had already met with Kyle for the day,
had already seen Terri.
I could always go to group. He
told himself. What purpose
would It serve though?
He went Into the common room and saw
other people without direction sitting there.
Maybe I could talk to one of them?
Are they like me? Would the accept me for who I am?
Terri entered the room. "Allright
guys, lunch time. Those of you on good behavoir are free to go down
to the caféteria the rest of you need to stay here and wait for your
meal to come up."
"Terri?" Ed asked.
"Yeah?"
"Could you do me a favor?"
"Like what?" She asked
sweetly.
"I'm on good behavoir right now,
so I'll go down to lunch. But Joseph, I'm not even sure If he can
really walk as of right now. But could you make sure that he got a
meal?"
Terri's eyes widened, then she smiled.
"Sure. I mean, yes, I can do that."
Ed smiled. "The worst people In
the world are the ones who need to most love."
After he said that, he did go
downstairs. The caféteria seemed more full than normal; they all
were wearing shoes, for starters, and their shoes even had their
shoelaces. Their sweatshirts still contained the strings that
tightened the hoood as well. These were outside people.
Ed worked his way througth the buffet
line grabbing a bowl of tomato soup and a grilled cheese, then a
deserrt that appeared to be made of chocolate (It can be hard to
determine the originiation of desert substances. © 2011 MutzyAuthor's Note
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