Will you mourn for me

Simple question

If my end arrives before the end
If the time runs out ,before I fix the dent
When my existence no more exists.
When the death calls and I can't resist.

If my breath stops chanting your name.
If I abruptly exit this life's game
If the feelings stops to feel in me,
that I have nurtured and grown in me

Will you mourn for me?
If I perish and become the earth itself
Will you mourn for me?

If I slumber into a peaceful sleep for ever.
lye motionless ,under the earthly cover.
My atoms raise to join the air.
And drifts in your direction with my flare.

If the message in the drift indicates you,
I am no more as I use to be there.
Will it ever touch you ?
Will you even care?

All the opportunities that I could grab,
and that were born for me.
Are nothing but pages I wrote,
But now are crumpled and torn for me.

Will you mourn for me?
If I gasp your name for the last time.
Will you mourn for me?

Reviews

[Saumya]

I loved how intense,beautiful, honest and true this poem was to your own self, Mustafa! :) I'm sure your thoughts about this topic would've been way more deep, yet is just a glimpse of it, though very profound, that we all can read in your poem for now! Being remembered forever, is something we all yearn, but it is indeed the rare ones who are loved by many, even when they are gone, an it is one's sincerest acts towards others which make them unforgettable for their very goodness :) I hope you too shall be be remembered by your dear ones forever :)

Thank You so much for writing this beyond wonderful poem, and sharing with us all here :) I'm glad that Najam had sent me an RR for it months back:)

[Mustafa Merchant]

Hey saumya. Thank you for such a wonderful and heart warming review. Yes indeed thoughts are way too deep. So deep that couldn’t be woven into words. And may be those thoughts are so wild that they refuse be trapped into words and phrases. Thank you so much for reading it. And najam is much loved for this and for everything.

[Saumya]

You're most welcome :)

[Attentive_Ambience]

whhhheeeeewww that's a lot of impact in the first stanza. I believe you're first and last stanza are extremely strong in this piece. In your fourth stanza, the last two lines feel a little weak, but that may be from the vague imagery ~ but the point is still made. This piece definitely provokes some thoughts and feelings that otherwise I would normally keep silent, but thanks for being brave enough to ponder this line of thought. Thanks for sharing! ^^

[Mustafa Merchant]

Thank you attentive for your
in-depth review. Plz pin point the lines that you felt is week. May be it’s explainable as to why I wrote it that way. And I would also love to know what you think of the rest of my poems. Thank you again for taking time out and reading it.

[Attentive_Ambience]

^^ of course, so here is what tripped me up:
"My atoms raise to join the air.
And drifts in your direction with my flare."
I understand the point you're trying to get across, but I though that the imagery was a little weak compared to the rest. This is all my own opinion though, it's also perfectly fine the way it is!

[Mustafa Merchant]

Oh well. Some times science and emotions don’t go too well. But I’ll take the opinion.

[Mikku]

It stirred something deep within.an awesome piece. Gave me an idea for my next poem. Loved reading it.

[Mustafa Merchant]

Do share what ever you come up with. Thanks for reading

[Mikku]

Pleasure all mine. I do request you to spare time for my works because read request system doesn't work on my system.

[barleygirl]

Even tho your topic is a seemingly sad one, your words do not sound dreary or morose at all. In fact, it almost seems as if death might be something to celebrate, or at least, to accept with grace. I understand the searching quality of your questioning, as most wish to be remembered. I believe many people want to think that death will not be the final end of their influence here on earth. You’ve showed us how that might feel, using many intriguing examples of what death might mean to various people. As for me, I don’t care if I’m forgotten the day after I die. Dust to dust can be a gift, too (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Mustafa Merchant]

Death is ininvitngly inevitable. Even if we don’t care about the majority of the people not remembering us. Yet there has to be that one being about whom you would wonder will lower the eyes when he or she comes to know about your no moreness.

[barleygirl]

I agree that most people see things this way, but there are some people who are not in this mindset at all! *smile*

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Mourning is deep inside and some people don’t let it show cover it with smiles and laughter but remain empty and aching inside- better to let your spirit fly free knowing that you have been here done and lived and touched lives- mourning is for them not you their journey not yours we don’t want to be caught up in others chains as long as we know when the time comes we did our best we touched lives- we stood the test of time faught the good fight- wonderful words🌹

[Mustafa Merchant]

True that. May be it really dosnt matter if your loss is felt. Having said that, the question dose rise in my mind for one perticular person.

[‘Thoughts In Time’🌹]

Let it be otherwise we hold ourselves captive- as long as we give good out it will return🌹

[Anjali]

Wow... So beautiful. It gives the eternal kinda vibe. A little tint of mystery is also present in this piece. I was mesmerized.
"If the feelings stops to feel in me, "
This line, it's so beautiful! This is my favourite line from the whole piece. Keep writing!

[Mustafa Merchant]

Thanks Anjali. I glad to connect to people who can connect to my words. May I recommend you to read my peace vows. I believe you might like it.

[Anjali]

You're welcome! And sure I would love to check out your other writings too.

[wordman]

touching write,i guess we all wonder

[Mustafa Merchant]

We all do yes? Thanks for agreeing with me

[¿]

There's a poem in my text book in bengali....."That day this place" ......it's written no rythm of earth and era will change after your death except your existence....
Water still has it's three forms, Sky still not united to earth, Trees are still silent in chaos.....
Your poem made that poetic sense awaken in me again as I was lost in exam pressures😀
But you did an amazing work that goes through heart!!

[Mustafa Merchant]

Thanks tehsin. That was quite an observation towards life.

[Najam Us Saher]

The question you have have answered remains a question that everyone has in their mind. Will they be remembered? Will they miss?
I am amazed as to how your wonderful poems haven't got a single review, I am glad that I came across your poetry.

[Mustafa Merchant]

Thank you Najam. Plz share if you liked them. May then I could get to know more about my writing.

[Najam Us Saher]

It was my pleasure reading your heartfelt words.
Sure, I will.

[¿]

I'm grateful to my Friend for sharing this with me, Thanks a lot Najam!!!😊

[Najam Us Saher]

It is my pleasure sharing wonderful poems, do read other poems too, believe me they are splendid.