Faith: The Mirror of Ages Past

Her tears drop, but only some see.
Her pain is felt by many.
Few have been there, few truly understand.
Who else knows this type of abandonment?


It's an empty feeling,
Sharp, always there.
A fear that locks onto you,
Iron-strong, black, and cold.


Words are worthless,
Yet they echo in the air around.
Promises, broken, lay on the ground,
Cutting all who remember them.


She is full of anguish,
To hear her cry is to split your heart.
Hold her, comfort her, you've been there too.
You know her feelings, her despair.


Her heart feels like a drum,
Beating the tattoo of fear.
Weariness pulls her down.
She's dysfunctional, barely living.


They don't understand.
The memories stay with you forever.
She'll remember the hurt.
She'll never forget the betrayal.

Author's Note

I would like honest comments and criticisms, please.

Reviews

[Michelle Stinson]

I like this. It cuts pretty clear. And a lot of your lines are just right – perfect. “Iron-strong, black, and cold. To hear her cry is to split your heart.” Perfection, don’t touch these. Ever.

But I think you could pull a few switches and it might hit harder. (remember this though – I am suggesting only. You can take or leave it. This is your work and your alone. I am not the artist – you are. I can’t tell you what to do with your art. Okay?)

Her tears drop,
Only some see.
Few have been there,
Few understand.

It's an empty feeling,
A fear that locks onto you,
Iron-strong, black, and cold.
Who else knows this abandonment?

Words are worthless,
They echo in the air.
Promises, broken, lay on the ground,
Cutting all who remember them.

She is anguish,
To hear her cry is to split your heart.
Hold her, comfort her.
You know her despair.

Her heart is a drum,
Beating the tattoo of fear.
Weariness pulls her down.
She's dysfunctional, barely living.

They don't understand.
The memories are forever.
She becomes the hurt.
She'll never forget the betrayal.

What I've done is the same thing we did in my creative writing classes at college; I hope you are not offended. If you are, please know, I meant absolutely no offense. You asked for honest critique, and this is the only way I know how to do it. I wouldn't have bothered if I didn't think you were absolutely worth the time and effort. I think Your work is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. And if what I've said you think is crap - then it's crap :) no hard feelings.