Back to My Prison of Fear

Just one of my rants. Not a poem really

I can't be perfect all the time.

In fact, I can't be perfect at all.

Yet, you always expect me to be that perfect little angel you wish I was.

Just because I'm not saying anything,

Doesn't mean I'm thinking up a lie.

I'm quiet because I know just how mad you get when just the right words aren't said.

I'm not the daughter you think I should be.

I make mistakes, but they will only help me learn.

I may not always tell the truth,

But that doesn't make me bad.

I may be 18, but I'm not an adult,

But I am definitely no child either. 
I'm more than capable of knowing right from wrong,

But I won't always choose what's right in your eyes.

Instead, I will choose what I believe is best for me, not for you,

and I will deal with the consequences myself.

I'm sick of living in fear of your disappointment,

But I know I may never leave your grasp.

I can try to live my own life,

But you will always find a way to pull be back in.

Back to my prison of fear.

The fear of your disappointment.

Your disapproval.

Your knowledge and your anger.

The fear of you.

Nothing I do is ever just right.

Always, something is wrong, 

Out of place, or askew.

You criticize without any disguise.

Your anger flows all too freely.

When I will finally find the courage to escape your clutch, I may never know.

I just pray it is soon.

For, my patience is soon running thin.

You're controlling and manipulative,

And you cease to listen if things aren't going your way.

You make assumptions without explanation.

Then let what you assume become fact,

Never pausing to check your answers.

Nothing is ever alright with you

Unless it was thought up by you.

Reviews

[Jack Isaac]

Hey, you stole my words to my mom! :) And even at my age, I say to her: "I'm sick of living in fear of your disappointment." --oh well, disappointment never killed anyone! Poor mom will just have to lump it. But I do love my mom and still want her to be proud of me, so to this day I've never told her I write poetry. Ha Ha! Aside from that, I really like this poem ---Well done!

[nevermindfan1991]

Wow, amazing. This was very well written and really touched. I could totally relate to this, if I only could say this to my parents at times. Even though you say this was a rant, it seems like truly beautiful poem to me. If you have time, could you read my most recent poem. Please and thank you!

[quinfinn]

you are well on your way to escaping, keep writing and increase the independent thinking. this is exquisitely written and wonderfully expressed. i wouldn't be under someone's thumb again for all the tea in China and you couldn't pay me enough to be 18 again! very nicely said!!!

[Yari Garcia (Older Prof..]

This takes me back to my teen years.

[Yellow Butterfly]

You have expressed feelings here that most teenagers can relate to and depicted your words very well in this poem. It has a great flow and each stanza shows brilliantly the many reasons you go back to your prison of fear .

Parent's want the best for their children and some times tough love can often feel like "they must not love me" kind of love. A parent's love is unconditional

An exceptional write Well Done

[Manpreet]

Just to say It is a masterpiece!!

[nowhere]

we should strive for perfection , but not expect it. we shouldnt judge, but thier is a fine line between judgeing and putting together all the facts we can find and makeing a desision. we learn from our mistakes , usually the hard way. do we ever really know what is best for us? i know its hard to do sometimes but turn the mirror on yourself, and go in love toward those who are without. i may be the chief sinner here . but the words are true.

[Marshal Gebbie]

As a tough minded Dad.. I've had all this garbage from my boys.
They cut up rough for a while.. but eventually they came around to thinking that
the old man knows best!
You know why??
Because non of it was malicious, non of it was aimed at anything but good results for my brood. I care for my boys.. and in setting tough parameters..I showed it!

[MetBySunlight]

Many (if not all) people have felt this, mostly in their teenage years. I guess parents just want the best for us, and they think what they say goes. It's how it is when we're kids, but as we grow up and start forming our own responsibilities, parents need to realise that we are better off doing things for ourselves and learning what we're capable of with out their input.

Sorry that I'm a little late with this review :/
Been busy as of late...

Anywho, enjoyed this write of yours and almost makes me feel a bit nostalgic.
I think parents fear the future of their kids so their fear turns into a corrupted sense of dystopian-like behavior, or it could be that parents are very abusive due to the stereotypical foundation which generations rely on due to an undeveloped mindset (not being open minded) and viewing the world from a traditional set of behavior and motives. Both are possible, but either way, it's both mentally abusive and a widely accepted and known form of parenting within today's generation.
Believe it or not, it's actually a worse form of parenting than not giving a s**t. When one doesn't feel any emotional regard to fend for the child after a certain point, the that leaves the child to fend for its own... although leading to a possible influence to a corrupted personality and lifestyle, it's better than being sheltered and muzzled by the other form of parenting which quite frankly is very harmful to the much needed experiences of a child, leading to a far more destructive impact on their future and life.
Anyways, as you can tell, I'm fairly intrigued by subjects/topics such as these. I agree with Perly Sunflower though that at some point it does come across as a rant due to it's length and relentless details... If you ever heard of properly using vulgar language, then here would be an example. Poetry which delivers strong sense of emotion along with a factual basis, which can sometimes be a bit tedious, can be largely improved by an occasional inserted curse word to hype the emotional tension within poems such as this.. A study was conducted which depicts cursing as a significant tool in the writer's toolbox. Profanity is known to be very persuasive and to really engage an audience as shown here:
http://zachholman.com/posts/swearing/

And here too:
http://www.spring.org.uk/2010/10/the-persuasive-power-of-swearing.php

I do praise this write for it's insight and it's personal-like behavior that comes across to the reader, however I must also critisize it at some point for a constructive basis.
One, recognize when lines break. Lines such as line 3 in stanza 1 are really a major victim of line elongation due to the failure to break the line properly into another line (personally I think the line should've ended after "be" and a new line should've started with the rest).
Also, some stanzas were kinda've broken in rhythm and beat due to word displacement, such as stanza 3. It can quite easily be fixed by simple things such as using rhyme schemes or ending lines with words not so "distant" from each other, such as ("man" and "said") V.S. ("man" and "bleak").
Overall, 96/100, it's really a great piece and I enjoyed it very much so ^_^
Thank you much for uploading this for all to read, and I hope to see more from you.
Keep up the good work yo ;)

[EdwardBlue]

As we get older the voice of our parents sound like our voices. Perhaps we can struggle through by retraining our minds ,with our own voices.

Awesome work !