Back to My Prison of Fear

Just one of my rants. Not a poem really

I can't be perfect all the time.

In fact, I can't be perfect at all.

Yet, you always expect me to be that perfect little angel you wish I was.

Just because I'm not saying anything,

Doesn't mean I'm thinking up a lie.

I'm quiet because I know just how mad you get when just the right words aren't said.

I'm not the daughter you think I should be.

I make mistakes, but they will only help me learn.

I may not always tell the truth,

But that doesn't make me bad.

I may be 18, but I'm not an adult,

But I am definitely no child either. 
I'm more than capable of knowing right from wrong,

But I won't always choose what's right in your eyes.

Instead, I will choose what I believe is best for me, not for you,

and I will deal with the consequences myself.

I'm sick of living in fear of your disappointment,

But I know I may never leave your grasp.

I can try to live my own life,

But you will always find a way to pull be back in.

Back to my prison of fear.

The fear of your disappointment.

Your disapproval.

Your knowledge and your anger.

The fear of you.

Nothing I do is ever just right.

Always, something is wrong, 

Out of place, or askew.

You criticize without any disguise.

Your anger flows all too freely.

When I will finally find the courage to escape your clutch, I may never know.

I just pray it is soon.

For, my patience is soon running thin.

You're controlling and manipulative,

And you cease to listen if things aren't going your way.

You make assumptions without explanation.

Then let what you assume become fact,

Never pausing to check your answers.

Nothing is ever alright with you

Unless it was thought up by you.

Reviews

[Jack Isaac]

Hey, you stole my words to my mom! :) And even at my age, I say to her: "I'm sick of living in fear of your disappointment." --oh well, disappointment never killed anyone! Poor mom will just have to lump it. But I do love my mom and still want her to be proud of me, so to this day I've never told her I write poetry. Ha Ha! Aside from that, I really like this poem ---Well done!

[Dreamer]

oh ok this is lovely. I really appreciate the emotions in this piece. I just wonder about repetition but then of course everyone has their own style that would work for them. I think that this is a piece that a lot of young ladies/men will be able to easily relate to. Good write :)

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

That was some powerful writing. You disemboweled yourself quite nicely honorable Samurai of words.

Perhaps you can accept some measure of solace in the fact that not everyone you meet will judge you quite so harshly as you seem to think that you have been judged.

Say, you don't mind if I sit down a while do you?

I was told once that the greatest thing we have to fear are those folks who do not care enough about us to offer any honest criticism, or worse yet, any at all. But, as you say, you're choices are yours to make. You will make them. You will go where they take you.

I think you'll find that wherever you are there will always be love (if you seek it out) and help will be given to those who ask for it. (Yes, I just stole that last part from the HP movie.)

Back to the "love" part... it's been my experience that any love you find in this existence is going to be "imperfect." It's up to us to improve upon it; make it better, stronger, if we can.

I'd say that your parent(s) have a form of this imperfect love - for you - just as you have another form of it for them and toward your siblings and other family members.

The love between you and every other person is unique and, dare I say, fragile. It's easily broken (as is trust) and once broken... well, let's just say you probably don't want it to ever come to that. It becomes ever so much more difficult to repair after that happens.

There's no insurance policy for love either. In spite of our best efforts it may simply go away or we may choose to turn our back on it. That happens too.

For some reason known only to her, your sister may have chosen to turn her back on love. If I had to guess, it's probably because she has suffered a wound that is so deep it refuses to heal. That's not to say it can never be healed; just that it hasn't healed in any observable way yet.

Your challenge, if you accept it, is to heal yourself first. Only then can you hope to heal others. Especially those that are closest to you.

Well, I guess I better go before I wear my welcome out. Can I come back for milk and cookies sometime? :)

[Tegon Maus]

Hi 93... that's a lot of pressure to be under. Always be your self

[Annabelle Lee]

Wow, it's amazing how much this reminds me of the relationship I have with my dad, I love the man but he really manages to upset me sometimes. Do you feel like the harder you try to make them proud, the more disappointed they get?. This happens to me time and again.

Thank you for putting into words what I had never figured out how to say.

A.L.

[MusicLove93]

Yes! I feel that way all the time lol
Thank you(:

[Annabelle Lee]

Absolutely

[Poetic Beauty]

Disappointment can be a hard poison to swallow. It can make you feel worthless and guilty. Take a deep breath and try your best. In the end that is all Amy of us cam do. Great expression of emotion.

[StillUnwritten]

This is so amazingly heart felt. I can feel your emotion. Honestly, I feel this way towards my father. Good job, keep it up.

[Stabitha]

Not a rant, an echo of the experience of millions.

My theory is that when women are subjugated, they over-exert control in the home, especially regarding child-rearing.

[Ronn Michael Salinas]

"askew"... last two lines... powerful piece

[Jeremy Baker]

I hope you escape from this prison soon! Be patient ... this is a journey we've all taken, and it usually ends well. Nicely written.

[Amila Jay]

Ya you are right here!! Nicely penned, great poem!!