And Yet, I Still Love You

Really, it's just me trying to express my feelings about my sister the only healthy way I know how to.

You disappoint me.

Your stupidity revolts me.

Your blatant disregard for others feelings disgusts me.

And yet, I still love you.

Why? Because you are my sister. 

My family.

You once told me that you don’t want to turn into our mother,

And yet, I see you becoming more and more like her each day.

How many times will you have to be arrested,

How many times will you have your children taken away before you realize,

That you desperately need to change your ways.

You may not think I do, but I can see how much you hurt.

I know I didn’t have it even half as bad as you did,

But that doesn’t mean I can’t see that pain reflected in your eyes.

You need help.

Why won’t you seek help?

Sometimes, I wonder if you act so distant with me because I remind you of the past.

Sometimes, I wonder if you even like me at all.

Sometimes, I wonder what it would have been like if I hadn’t been taken away.

Mostly, I just wonder if you will ever change.

Do you know, really know that I love you?

Do you know that I care about you so much?

Do you even care?

Do you love me back?

Do you care about anything at all?

I know I haven’t been in your life much.

And that I don’t remember what it was like before.

I’m sorry that I don’t remember the things you used to do for me.

Maybe if I remembered, you would like me better.

Maybe if I remembered, you would actually see me as your sister.

I care about you and it breaks my heart

To see you killing yourself.

To see you ruining any chance of getting your life together.

It kills me to have to hold all of these things inside

Because I don’t know if you even want to be near me,

Let alone listen to the things I have to say.

It kills me to see my sister,

My own flesh and blood in jail.

To hear why you were arrested,

It made me shiver in fear.

It made me want to cry out in pain.

Do you know just how big of a disappointment this was?

I really thought you were on the track to getting your act together.

I truly thought you were going to get better.

But instead, you just got worse.

And now, you’re in jail. 

Just to put those words down on paper brings a tear to my eye.

You may not be used to someone caring that much,

But I can’t help it.

I can’t help but feel crushed by this news.

I can’t help but feel you will never change.

And that’s the part that hurts the most.

Knowing you could change if you wanted,

But just choosing not to.

How can you sit idly by and watch your world crumble away to nothing?

How can I make you see how much pain you cause me?

I wish you could only see how much I love you.

Maybe then you’d want to change..

Author's Note

It's nothing special. Just my emotions turned into words..

Reviews

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

It is painfully honest and sincere. It needed to be written and shared. If for no other reason than to permit the collective "we" to subsume a small portion of your anguish, frustration and confusion.

The flowers in a garden do not all bloom at the same time.

[Amila Jay]

I have a sister too and some times things do go out of hand between us...this is an excellent poem:)

[Jeremy Baker]

Not sure I agree with you when you claim this is nothing special. Its quite beautiful, despite the sadness and pain. Very nicely written.

[Walk away slow poet]

You once told me that you don’t want to turn into our mother,
And yet, I see you becoming more and more like her each day.

Awe man, These lines are awesome, I used to say this to people,
I don't ever want to be like my mom. In a way I guess I am. It's not
bad but I hope I just don't ever freak out over little thing like she does.
Amazing write!

[~Blue Fantasy~]

Way this is a very special and touching poem! Your emotions have been beautifully painted out in words! You keep loving her fighting for her and praying for her. I know it's tuff but if your not than who is. And she needs you whether she knows it or not. Thank you for sharing this poem with me!

[Dragonflyz]

The cycle of depression, addiction, fear, and self-loathing is horribly destructive. But to be a spectator of such is beyond crushing, I know. It's not that she doesn't want to change...she's terrified to just breathe, easier to remain invisible, regardless of the damage it does. Hold her tight, fight with her, never let her go. You brought a tear to my eye with this one...truly touching

[Dayran]

A common cognizance in identities between sisters is not uncommon. We share the intelligence in such a relationship. In such a situation, the pressure lines appear in places we don't see. Intelligence will not take second place to anyone else. An absorbing poem about close relations that does not recognize the issue of intelligence between two people from the same family.

[stars are far]

nice one :)

[Marshal Gebbie]

You can't walk away from Blood, Music...ever!.
she spits in your face , you spit right back then tell her that despite her attrocious behaviour... you still love the stupid b***h!

[Everson Taveras]

Poetry is not a hole we crawl into when the world around us grows dark and cruel; poetry, with the right kind of emotion, pain and despair, as you have brilliantly captivated here, illuminates the true and often unseen layers of our soul. This is such an in depth, riveting piece of writing-- and now, I'm out of breath by the awe and beauty this poem embodies and the message that it delivers ever so gently yet boldly. Thank you for sharing and please never stop writing or you will have many angry fans waiting outside your window with pitchforks and torches.