Green Eyed Beauty

needs a lil more work but its coming along so i thought i'd see if i could get any comment on it or ideas i could change it around with... lemme kno if you like it or have any ideas to what could be changed or worked on.. ?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

he still could see her smooth dark hair

could still feel her warm olive skin.

he closed his eyes to hide his tears from himself

or maybe to hide from his sin.

there he found her beautiful eyes

eyes green with orange and gold.

 

green pastel in the middle and dark along the edge

the centre so light with that golden flicker

 any stare they could hold up to a challenge she was bold.

they showed her true person when you got to know her. 

 

so tough on the outside to anyone new

but friendly to those who knew her, friends that were true.

but when you loved her, lived with her

saw the beauty of her truths

she was just like that orange gold centre

her eyes so precious he couldnt forget her

 

 

a bundle of affection and a powerful addiction

he wondered how he'd get over her sweet addicing afliction

the way her eyes could tell her thoughts

or seduce him with a glance

could be so soft and gentle hushed

or host an angry fire's dance.

 

 

to look in them without welcome was to see a green stone wall

to look into them with her consent you'd see her soul

and secrets locked up behind that green stone wall

from where her true heart would call.

 

 

he'd lost this green eyed beauty

he'd lied and tore her heart

he'd seen the pain and then it was gone

hidden behind that green stone wall

he was not welcome anymore, not welcome not at all

 

the price he paid for the pain he caused

she found it reasonable but still thought it too far

she loved him and that was her reason to pause

he'd lied to her, left her heart branded with scars

but she wanted him still he was all she had known

and the pain in his voice

oh that regret in his tone

 

 

she'd been oblivious of his flaws

and forgiving of his play

but he had cut her heart open, he had pulled out his claws

she'd known it was coming and had feared this day

still though these things happened she still regrets

saying goodbye because of one lie

one lie she'd never forget.

it was time to go time to say bie

and with that thought she walked home,

with that thought she cried.

Reviews

[Alexander Z. Anthony]

Again, I am going to go be emo now! lol nah, great job!
Like I said earlier, you really tell a story in your poems. I'd love to give you a more precise review,
but I am better at reviewing fiction, not poetry.

However, I loved the last stanza! very powerful and it really conveyed the meotion of the poem. =D