Without You

Thanks again Joe! (:

With you I was strong,
without you I am weak.

With you nothing I did was wrong,
without you nothing reels right.

With you life was lived,
without you death caresses my every nerve.

With you fear was the night,
without you fear is my light.

With you I was scared of light,
without you I am scared of the dark.

With you I was everything including insane,
without you I am nothing but sane.

With you I was weak,
without you I am Strong.

Author's Note

What do you think?

Reviews

[zendikar]

Sounds confusing haha but at the same time very clear hahaha if that makes any sense! I liked it nice write!

[Fran Marie]

Feelings are well expressed in each of the couplets in this piece

love the twists toward the end of the poem~

Nicely DonE!!

[FlawedByDesign]

Well my view differs from RhymingReactivated's. In fact, they are somewhat the opposites, but I'm sure he's used to my point of view by now :)

The way I saw the poem was a progression of the girl's feelings and how they alter the perception of the guy she's with. There is no better example of this, than in the first and last couplets.
The change seems to happen in the 5th couplet. The fourth couplet says how,
"With you fear was the night,
without you fear is my light." - night is the natural fear to have, but when she's not with him, his protection, the light has the same effect.
The 5th couplet reverses the whole thing,
"With you I was scared of light,
without you I am scared of the dark." - now being with him makes her afraid of the light, bright side of life, while without him she goes back to having the natural fear of the night.
The change in perception is later reinforced with the 6th couplet,
"With you I was everything including insane,
without you I am nothing but sane."

In any case, that is my view :)

Nice write.

[Mizuki Tsukiakari]

Very interesting. I wasn't expecting the ending:
"With you I was weak,
without you I am Strong."
But I see where you're coming from. It was a nice read. Good job! ;p

[Abdul Aziz]

Loved it.. The first couple of couplets led me believe that this was just going to be an exercise in poetry. But then, the last few really made me think deeper. This is an awesome poem. The irony and the skill with which you write this poem is superb.

"With you I was scared of light,
without you I am scared of the dark."

"With you I was everything including insane,
without you I am nothing but sane."
I wonder how you thought of those lines. So simple, and yet, so profound!

The conclusion is perfect. It is the perfect reversal of the beginning couplet. You have hidden a sea of thought in those seemingly innocuous lines.
Superb.


P.S. The only glitch was
"With you fear went bump in the night,
without you fear is my light."
I think "bump" distracts from the otherwise brilliant nature of the poem. Its just my opinion though.

[Dream Weaver]

This has a familiar ring to it.
Heart warming with a beautiful
overwhelming burst of sentiment.
Nicely Done