Father

How I felt the first Christmas without my father.

As a young girl, her daddy was her hero,
until the day she was moved away by her mother.
She still loved him, but never a word,
then the summers came and her faith was restored.
She was allowed to see him everyday for six weeks,
but her mother stole these away killing them to three.
The young girl kept her feelings inside,
barricaded and guarded them from her mother.
The summer's weeks came and went,
but then he became real sick.
The days passed and flashed before her eyes,
until the day his heart faltered.
One day she knew her mother would come to terms with her faults,
but she never expected that day to be the day
She lost her Father.

Author's Note

Please comment, I would love any criticism that will help me become a better writer.
Thanks to all who took the time to read my poem. (: <3

Reviews

[A. K. MAXIMILIEN]

very touching poem...very insightful!!

[emily joe]

this is sweet. i'm really sorry.

[Taylor H.]

This is a wonderful poem. The only thing is it sounds to wordy. To much like your just telling us this, Try to keep the lines shorter and maybe add more imagery then just telling us. Wonderful poem though. I loved the last 3 lines the best

[Abdul Aziz]

Beautiful. The simplicity of your words drives the message home , into our hearts. My parents were divorced too, and while I have not had as serious repercussions as the ones you have portrayed here, I do believe I can understand the pain.
Great job!

[Iota]

I haven't lost my father but I lost my mother. It is sad that she kept him away like and coming to terms with it much too late. A sad write but still a great one.

[Dream Weaver]

I lost my father at a young age as well, so this one really
hits home for me. I felt every mumur every whisper of
hurt with this piece...Thanx for writing it.

[Dillon Cotter]

This is a personal and sad write. A true writer is a writer that writes from the experiences in his/her own life. I'm sorry for having your christmas with your dad :/

great job though

[Gone]

It's perfect and I'll tell you why.

It is from your heart and it is well written. Too many young writers try to say too much...when it is simply a matter of telling the facts. Facts will speak for themselves. The process of editing is culling the superfluous ideas and descriptions until our piece is bright and direct and accessible.

If you keep writing from your heart you will continue to make good progress. As a survivor of a long messy tragic divorce I felt this poem deeply.

:-)

[Tina Kline]

This is very sad. I can sense a disappointment in these words which suits the tragic nature of the poem. I think the ending, as blunt as it is, is a perfect ending to this very very tragic story. Very final.

[Flo]

Thats a really heartbreaking poem. Good way to end the poem,I like the bluntness in the lines,it shows how heartfelt and painful it is. Enjoyed it even though it's sad :(
Flo.