Breakdown

Breakdown

photography by / Stefan Beutler

 

 

Every morning

cold cereal and orange juice

        for breakfast…

don’t forget  to water the African violet on the sill

in the kitchen window .

 

Feed the cats, walk the dog.

Separate the colors before washing clothes.

Take something from the freezer

           that’ll thaw  in time for dinner.

…such ordinary things to remember.

 

  Dance recital dates are on the calendar.

The girls wear a pink ribbon in their hair.

 The bake sales at church will start in the spring.

Let Father Walsh know he can count on you…

 cake or cookies is fine

…dress the boys in their Sunday best.

 

Be patient, be strong.

Remember that God helps those who help themselves.

Take one day at a time,

one foot in front of the other.

…just like yesterday and the day before.

 

Fall to your knees

when you’re all out of prayer…

…when you’re all out of prayer

    breakdown.

 

                            

Author's Note

This was written to capture the aftermath of a man dealing with the struggles of everyday life after losing his wife. What you are reading is what he hears in his head, it’s his wife’s voice reminding him of what to do and what’s to come. The lines in italics speak his response.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

I made the good years. The grandchildren are dropped off and picked up. Dear Kelly, I raised-up four children and now. I have six grandchildren. Your poem. I knew them days for 25 years.
"Fall to your knees
when you’re all out of prayer…
…when you’re all out of prayer
breakdown."
The above lines. I did and thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[Kelly Scheppers]

I once read that a house full of love has elastic walls. Four children and six grandchildren! That's an extraordinary life!

[Coyote Poetry]

They still keep me busy dear Kelly. We need to be busy.

[Seriana]

I am glad I did not read your note before I read the poem. It was nice to interpret the pain first. I sensed a female voice initially, but didn't realize the italics were a response.

Such ordinary words filled with anguish. Life does not stop, nor do the calendars and multitude of things to do, the ordinary (and extraordinary) upon a loss. Thank you for the reminder of "things". I have taken my own gold nugget from your writing today.

[Kelly Scheppers]

What a pleasure it is for me, knowing that something I wrote may have been an inspiration to you! Thank you, Seriana!

[Perdition]

"Take the cats out of the freezer, feed the colors, and separate the walking dogs"...I got it!
Sorry, I couldn't help myself, this is wonderful, such a touching and beautiful tribute to what must be a daily pain for this poor man. To live a life with this woman is rare enough but to continue to hear and live with her after her passing, well, that is a rare romance and love that we just don't see anymore. I was fortunate to have witnessed two people that are perfect in balance for each other and where one has humor the other has a genius that makes no sense at all so she wants to kill him quite often but that's her guy and he must have a plan. Fortunately, I came along to lighten the mood and so no one got hurt in the end, or as of yet. I envy the love and the hearing of her voice and for following her rituals as it must help him immensely to feel her presence there as I am certain she must still be watching over ..if not in his head alone. The only question I would have is whether it is driving him to drink..lol. You never know. But this is passion and pain at its best and a wonderful gift Kelly. "Don't forget to water the cookies in the kitchen"..yep I got it...Smiles~

[Kelly Scheppers]

It feels a little insane to be laughing through some of this, but in a twisted way, you made room for a smile to break through. That's life as we know it. Thank you, Joseph!

[Perdition]

All pain must be rendered and tempered and balanced with perception and not knowing this man I could only experience his thoughts thru your words so heavenly crafted….a pleasure to see and read Kelly! No disrespect intended if any should feel. You are absolutely welcome as it is a wonderful gift and poem~

[Kelly Scheppers]

Joseph, I laughed at your opening line and the closing line myself, that's what I meant by a smile breaking through the irony of it. Please know it was not taken as any disrespect on your part!

[Perdition]

lol...I didn't..I wouldn't...just got to wondering after years of knowing this and that, I just wanted to make sure no one perceived any differently... thanks, Kelly!

[Brad Dehler]

"When you are all out of prayer". Very powerful ending. Very good, empowering and enlightening about the supposed mundane.
Upon reading your author's note, I get a whole other impression and inspiration. I love the italicized response. Well composed

[Kelly Scheppers]

I'm glad you liked my thought process behind the use of italics. Thank you, Brad!

[duff]

A perspective well drawn out. Emotionally represented on both sides. Its beautifully creative and its not forgotten.

[Kelly Scheppers]

Thank you, Duff.

[Franky]

This is excellent. Very well written, as well.as nearly making me break down. Very good!

[Kelly Scheppers]

Thank you so much, Frankie. Good to see you!

[Chris Shaw]

Oh Kelly, this is a hard read reminding me of ten months cancer treatment when my husband was caring for me and our three grandchildren who were all under ten. He did everything and the mundane chores became the structure that got him and us through the day. I was able to tell him what to do though, when the going got rough. All sorts of thoughts ran through my mind when I read these lines. Most of all, that she is still with him, inside his thoughts, gently and reassuringly telling him what needs to be done. Yes, one step at a time is the mantra. His final response in italics, so important. Yes, when prayers don’t do it, breakdown and weep. Not many men do that and yet it is essential to let those trapped emotions out and not be afraid to do so. Powerful poetry, close to what was once home and it brought on a tear or two.

Chris

[Kelly Scheppers]

Some of the revelations I've read in the reviews I've received have astounded me, like the impact of yours, Chris. It's enough to make me wonder where we draw our reservoir of strength from, and how we find the will to go on. Is it prayer, is it our faith, or is it a God that we feel has abandon us? Perhaps it is what you said it should be - to simply allow yourself to breakdown. That kind of pain needs an outlet, yet most of us carry on with it trapped inside of us. Thank you, Chris, for a most evocative review. Many blessings!

[Chris Shaw]

You are welcome Kelly. Your poetry never disappoints and often reaches the parts that others don’t travel too:)

[Kelly Scheppers]

...thank you!

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

“ Fall to your knees
when you’re all out of prayer…
…when you’re all out of prayer
breakdown.”
OMG dear Kelly, I can’t explain how much I feel your words and photo… I can’t tell you how much it resonates with me right now. The lines are so true, so true. Can’t say any more. You touched me deeply. My husband on oral chemo. My little pup on sub q fluids daily .I pray, I pray, sometimes I breakdown. You have said it brilliantly. Xo

[Kelly Scheppers]

My dear Annette, I shall pray for you and your husband, but please know I am here if you ever need to talk. God's blessings and bountiful love, always! xo

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Thank you my Kelly more than I can say. Xo

[Ayvid N]

Bereavement is like an undercurrent that never ceases in good moments or the empty ones. It keeps flowing deep within while on the surface the work of daily living goes on. One goes on, apparently yet often breaking inside. This is such a beautiful poem on one of the toughest tests life can bring.

[Kelly Scheppers]

I've often wondered how my mother did it after my father died, leaving her a widow at the age of 32, with four children ranging in age from 4 years to 11. How is it possible to survive that? Thank you so kindly, Divya.

[Ayvid N]

It must have taken superhuman strength for her to go on and do the best she could for her children. It must have called on all her reserves of strength, the likes of which one cannot imagine exist in oneself. I always place special stress on that one line in the Lord's Prayer - "Do not test us (put us into temptation)", because this is such a test. She was put through that test and came out beautifully.
You're most welcome, dear Kelly. ⚘ ❤

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

The weight that one must feel in this situation must be unbearable. Long gone are the days when women stayed at home to raise the family and take care of the home. Now, it takes two just to make ends meet. When one or the other is gone and the burden is all on the one, it must be exhausting. Parents sacrifice so much of themselves for their children, neglecting their own needs in the process. That "breakdown" moment must come often at the end of a long day when all alone. Your poem captured this well, Kelly. Well done.

[Kelly Scheppers]

You review in the same evocative nature in which you write. Thank you most kindly, Linda!