Breakdown

Breakdown

photography by / Stefan Beutler

 

 

Every morning

cold cereal and orange juice

        for breakfast…

don’t forget  to water the African violet on the sill

in the kitchen window .

 

Feed the cats, walk the dog.

Separate the colors before washing clothes.

Take something from the freezer

           that’ll thaw  in time for dinner.

…such ordinary things to remember.

 

  Dance recital dates are on the calendar.

The girls wear a pink ribbon in their hair.

 The bake sales at church will start in the spring.

Let Father Walsh know he can count on you…

 cake or cookies is fine

…dress the boys in their Sunday best.

 

Be patient, be strong.

Remember that God helps those who help themselves.

Take one day at a time,

one foot in front of the other.

…just like yesterday and the day before.

 

Fall to your knees

when you’re all out of prayer…

…when you’re all out of prayer

    breakdown.

 

                            

Author's Note

This was written to capture the aftermath of a man dealing with the struggles of everyday life after losing his wife. What you are reading is what he hears in his head, it’s his wife’s voice reminding him of what to do and what’s to come. The lines in italics speak his response.

Reviews

[Ern M. Yoshimoto]

on the first reading, this work seemed like an experienced person talking through the process of recovery after a Breakdown. that is a path i have trod many times, and every word of it resonated with me.
Take one day at a time,
one foot in front of the other.
…just like yesterday and the day before

yet after reading your notes, there was a big change. this is not a wiseman but somone's wife. someone who suffers just like the persona, and is struggling in some way. she gathers strength and stands by someone she loves, although separated by the veil of death.

either way of looking at it, this work was visceral and a testament to kindness and strength which go hand in hand. a moving drama.

[Kelly Scheppers]

Your reviews are most appreciated, Ern. I hope you have a wonderful holiday season, my friend!

[Vol]

Kelly,
for the longest time, after Pat died, I would lie in bed and caress oa pillow she had used and whose texture and shape were the same as her thigh... and that's all i am able to say here... now.
Vol

[Kelly Scheppers]

...enough said, my friend. No apologies needed. I overwhelmingly understand and thank you!

[Vol]

Sigh,
I wrote the above before I scrolled down and saw I had responded a year ago already... It is one of the great beauties in poetry that every encounter sparkles differently.
Here (pause) I wish the hug I just gave you was more than digital...
Vol

[Kelly Scheppers]

...you are a treasure!

[Vol]

Blush... ;-}

[C. M. Miller]

You can still lose a wife even when she still has a life; but you no longer do.
I sincerely wish I could conjure up some magical italics to respond to this emotional quicksand that is following me.

[Kelly Scheppers]

I am deeply sorry for your pain, Charles. Yes, this was written for the aftermath of death, but even still, your loss is very palpable in the same way. Thank you for your presence here. Always a pleasure seeing you!

[C. M. Miller]

Hearts and hands have the same ability, they both can reach out for empathy and understanding. Touch. Take a deep breath.

[Senu Jayasinghe]

This reminded me of the song "With you" from the musical Ghost.

[Kelly Scheppers]

Thank you, Senu!

[Dave]

Kelly - this is so, so powerful! I'm very fortunate, and I still have my wife. I know that she would
provide me with a "to-do list" if and when the time comes.
Thank you for helping to remind me of the treasure I have.
Take care - Dave

[Kelly Scheppers]

So sorry this was overlooked, Dave. Thank you for a lovely review!

[JD Major]

Good read! Thought-provoking!
Daily writing--a keyboard routine--as unique & fresh & well-received as this, is anything but routine!
JD

[emmajoygreen]

Finding a penny can be a fortune to someone needy, sad, empty. yes? But losing ' precious' , the heart stops yet - life goes on. And in spite of promising to carry on bravely valuing memories as if life itself.. one feels empty. Feels as if it's a crime to not feel what has been, not to hear what one's ears crave for, a brief chat and a touch, gentle sleep - together. What should have been real, becomes.. a sane insanity of comfort.
Perhaps.

[Vol]

Kelly,
What a lovely account! I am touched because of the note and the poignancy of how powerful the little things can be. It is a common theme you have dressed in beautiful clothes. They are, after all, what make us, the accumulated actions of the day punctuated by bits of tragedy, bits of beauty, and bits of careful thought which, taken together, make something as simple as taking supper from the freezer to thaw, a meaningful act.
Nicely done!
Vol

[Kelly Scheppers]

Thanks so much, Vol. I haven't a clue how I missed this. Please accept my apology for my brain fog!

[Vol]

Kelly,
I kind of feel like, since we have interacted outside the WC, we are friends/ Friends don't need to apologize...
Vol

[Kelly Scheppers]

Absolutely, good point! Thanks, Vol!

[Dave Brown]

An extremely difficult concept
I don't mean to belittle this at all but even losing the dogs I have loved has been extremely heartbreaking
Losing that special person would be too difficult to comprehend

[Kelly Scheppers]

I overwhelmingly agree, Dave! Losing a pet is just as devastating a loss as any other. And for those who don't have a dog or cat, how could they possibly comprehend the void that loss leaves? Thank you for bringing that into perspective here.

[Ted Kniffen]

Losing someone that close is impossible to consider ... you have taken a look at the other side of loss Kelly ... the one left behind struggling to cope and too maintain a calm façade for the children.

Well done.

[Kelly Scheppers]

I know men process grief differently. I witnessed my step father and two adult brothers when my mom died, and it's something I'll never forget. I may have only touched upon the magnitude of the the struggle, but all the same, I deeply appreciate your every word. Thank you, Ted!