A Dim Star

This poem is about a star who is neglected by everyone as he has got no brightness no shyness no life no war and blah blah blah

Moon has shyness
Sun has hasteness
I've nothing cause I'm a dim star

Babies get love
Adults get bow
I get nothing cause I'm a dim star

Rivers got rife
Hills got life
I've got nothing cause I'm a dim star

Trade demands gain
Tillage demands rain
I demand nothing cause I'm a dim strar

Some feel ashame
Some feel lame
I feel nothing cause I'm a dim star

People do war
People do mar
I do nothing cause I'm a dim star

A few hie
A few die
I am there forever cause I'm a dim star

Author's Note

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Reviews

[JayG]

• Adults get bow ? I have no clue of the intended meaning.

• Rivers got rife. Hills got life

So rivers don't get life? The fishermen don't seem to know that. And I have no clue of what "Get rife" is intended to mean, because it can be an adverb or an adjective, but not a noun.

Seem you didn't do a lot of editing, but should have.

That aside, my personal reaction:

In stanza one you make your point.
In stanza two you drive it home.
In stanza three you hammer it down.
In stanza four you drive it into the ground.
In stanza five you smash it to smithereens

[Najam Us Saher]

I love reading about stars. I liked the metaphor of a dim star. Don't feel that you are nothing, dim stars have their day and I believe one day they will shine the brightest, don't lose hope.

[Alistair (Ali)]

Good write- keep it up! The ideas behind this a re very good.