Lost

This poem was written by me back in 2015. At this time I was 14. I got some of the ideas from Harry Potter movie.

Noxious red-berries of a supple.
dark yew,
Charms it carries and casting up
few.
Tell the warlocks not to worry,
Lost the lady who would pluck it
from the tree.

Beneath the heavens devil there
lives,
Outraging the innocence and
training it's crews.
Tell the angels not to worry,
Lost their way to the lands of glee.

Sleeping on the grass ado breathing
the fresh,
Killed the folliage and burnt it into
ashes.
Tell the sages not to worry,
Lost the air and underbrush of
valley.

Nights to ligets and lights to
nights.
Hush in the forest, trembled the
rides.
Tell the horses not to worry,
Lost the creatures of the alley.

Brewing of liquor and oozing of
rum.
Intoxicating noises of a beating
drum.
Tell the cup-bearer not to worry,
Lost the drunkard in your
beauty.

Emotions of mother and her
child
Tell the boy not to worry
Lost in the hearts and lost inside me.

Lost the sunshine and lost the
rain,
Lost the love, lost the pain.
Lost the stars , Lost the moon.
Lost theverything courage and
cowardice soon.
Tell the warrior not to worry
You gonna pour blood you'll be
burried.
Lost the minds and lost from
graves.
Lost from the golden names of
braves.

Lighten the darkness annual fill
it with hue.
Sweep the night and make the
sky blue.
Tell the tired not to worry.
Lost the wrong and we'very found
the liberty.

Author's Note

Please comment rate and review my writing.

Reviews

[JayG]

"Noxious red-berries of a supple.
dark yew,
Charms it carries and casting up
few. "

This makes no sense to the this reader, because the words lack context to make them meaningful. In fact, the Yew tree's appearance isn't all that dark. Nor does its color relate to the toxicity of the berry.

But still, it appears, from this, that the piece is about...about...

"Tell the warlocks not to worry,
Lost the ladyear who would pluck it
from the tree. "

Okay, it appears to be about the magic, though what a ladyear is, and why the act of plucking it is dangerous is hard to figure.

"Beneath the heavens devil there
lives,
Outraging the innocence and
training it's crews.
Tell the angels not to worry,
Lost their way to the lands of glee."

"The" innocence? And, innocence has...crews?

Words you have. And certainly they must have meaning, based on your intent. But when you release your words, they reach people who are of a different age and background—and perhaps gender—with differing background and expectations. Those people will use the meaning their own life experience seems to suggest, which means you, your life and your intent becomes irrelevant to the experience, other than to have caused you to make the word placement and choices you did.

So always, when editing, place yourself into the persona of someone who has nothing but what the words suggest to them.

Our goal is to provide someone we will never meet with an emotional experience they will find moving. Done well, we can make that person laugh, cry, and feel every human emotion. Which, when you think about it, is amazing.

But to do it well, you must make the reader feel they are a participant, and become emotionally involved with the poem. And THAT'S a b***h.

[junXion]

Far better than your previous one! It's very clear to me that you lended some ideas from HP, but you used them to your full advantage! Last line is in my opinion the best, great conclusion. Sincerely yours, Jules.