Cruel Companions

Life runs its hand

Down its colorless creation

Weaving its wrinkled timelines

And taunting its tribulation.

 

Beckons the wiser to dwindle

When the soul grows cold

A wretched, rhythmic pattern

Of a man grown too old.

 

Time runs its hand

Down its weary creation

Leaving behind no lifeline

For loss and lamentation.

 

Beckons the stronger to stumble

When the heart grows cold

A wretched, rhythmic pattern

Of a woman grown old.

 

So youth accept

This inevitable consequence

That suffering comes soon

For Life and Time are cruel companions

And they are coming for you.

Reviews

[AlphaPoeticChild]

This poem is straight-forward, and urges you to appreciate the time you do have; taking nothing for granted....Wonderful skill!

[JordynKay]

I like how much this poem made me think! And I liked the structure and what it says. It definitely captures the readers attention and has a valid message!

[kitkat]

This was really interesting. I especially like the last verse. It was a different piece, but in a good way. I love the similarities to the second and fourth verse. So amazing, and really captured me. Loved it!

[xansizi]

A very interesting piece about the ravages of time and the inevitability of death. I think this is a very perceptive and interesting piece of writing. This is not a criticism but I would add to the duciplicity of life and time by talking about the rewards that, in turn cause more pain, such as a companion to love who is then taken from you. This is just my take.

Could ypu please have a wee look at my writing when you get a chance? Thanks

[Mia]

Yes, I definitely will. And I will definitely take that idea into account :)

[Captain Rilen]

I really love this piece. The similarities between the second and fourth stanzas made for such an amazing read. Allows for one to take a glimpse into what really bugs you about this world, and the social structures within. Hope to read more from you and may end up reading through your entire works, as this one was simply phenomenal!

[Mia]

Wow thank you so much! It warms my soul that you enjoy my writing :)

[dan]

Mia, Interesting that an 18 year old can write such an accurately envisioned model of the aging process. I actually hate this phrase because it sounds so canned but you are wise beyond your years. I am accepting your friend request but wanted to review one of your first. Thank you for choosing to send a request to me. It's nice "meeting you." take care...dan

[Mia]

Yes sir, I have experienced many things in my 18 years. I will never say those things were good, but I can say that they have caused other good things to occur, such as my writing. Thank you very much for accepting me as a friend, and I look forward to reading your writing!

[dan]

Mia, Though I appreciate the gesture, you can skip the "sir." I'm just a dan. take care...dan

[dead scribe]

This is phenomenal, very creative... Powerful stuff

[Mia]

Thank you so much!

[Coyote Poetry]

I agree. I enjoyed your poetry.
"So youth accept
This inevitable consequence
That suffering comes soon
For Life and Time are cruel companions
And they are coming for you."
The above lines come for the all of us. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Mia]

Thank you very much! It means the world that you took time to review my writing!

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure and good to have met you. I hope to read more of your work.

[xenofei182]

I think at a certain point in someone's life cruelty from others make us shut down and turn cold. Time is all we have to look forward to even if we repeat the same mistakes over and over. I guess it's a cycle of life whether we are the bully or the bullied, we all learn from our mistakes. When we're living we think of the future and when we're dying on our death bed all that matters is the past.

Just wondering, what is the rhythmic pattern? Could it be our heart beat?

[Mia]

It very well could be a heartbeat. However, in this poem, i didn't focus on the rhythm but on the rhyme.

[dead scribe]

yeah good job man, i like this too

[Mia]

Thanks, I really appreciate it (: