Twilight at Sea

Twilight at Sea

We are mesmerized as the purple twilight darkens the day to night
So serene as the sun radiates its last beams of light

The holes in my heart that once reminded me of the sandy shore
Have now been washed away by your love forevermore

Lay down with me on the colorful coral beds all aglow
Lets hide out from the world in the soundless surface below

Alluring tongue brings forth this lustrous pearl of mine
The sea calls out but has no hold in my lapse of time

You drink in the cool dark depths of me
And then you permeate in your very own sodden sea

Reviews

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

So much color and vividness in this one. I really enjoyed all of the imagery here, and it did a nice job of transporting me to the shore, where the sand, wind and sea sing their own harmonious symphonies.

The last stanza was great, as it brought things back to you and to your "muse"..."You drink in the cool dark depths of me/ And then you permeate in your very own sodden sea"--poignant.

My only suggestions would be that perhaps this is slightly "wordy" in places...

And then you permeate in your very own sodden sea
--could be--
then you permeate in your own sodden sea

The holes in my heart that once reminded me of the sandy shore
--could be--
The holes in my heart, once remenescent of a sandy shore

Just little things like that to improve the flow a bit. Otherwise, I completely enjoyed this one. Look forward to more from you!

[Melissa S]

All very good suggestions thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment and will def take suggestions into consideration. :) Thanks again