Aquatic Abyss

how i feel sometimes..

Life; an endless ocean,
You can fight through waves or sway with motion,
Keep going with your ambitions,
Or drown with your hopelessness.

At times I feel I'm flung under,
Clouds above; me the storm crackling it's thunder,
Seeming to be no rescue,
Alone; is how they left you,
Searching for refuge,
But only darkness meets you.

A castaway lost at sea,
Salt swallowed, desperate in need,
an invisible hand dragging you farther and farther down.

Life; an aquatic abyss,
Sink below water; ignorance is bliss,
Gazing above; a window to what I've missed,
Fearing below; the black pitch,
Swayed to now--

Drifting in water,
My next step, the edge of a cliff,
The next mistake will end with my death.

Author's Note

how i feel sometimes..

Reviews

[ANTO]

"You can fight through waves or sway with motion,
Keep going with your ambitions,
Or drown with your hopelessness." - the choices of life - sink or swim - having been in the sea just floating/resting the 'sway with motion' is perfect - that feeling of being nothing in the power of the ocean, well described here Niyia.

here:
lost at sea,
Salt swallowed, desperate in need,
an invisible hand dragging you father and farther down. - Salt swallowed is very good detail. A typo here too :'father' instead of 'farther'

Swayed to now; which my mind has gone to shift. - Love that 'swayed to now' but the second part doesnt resonate - seems thrown in there to make up the rhyme.

The surreal and Dali-esque -
"Drifting in water,
My next step, the edge of a cliff,"

Sorry - I forgot - A typo here:
Clouds above, me the storm crackling it's thunder, - perhaps "Clouds above me; etc etc"

Some real gems here Niyia - good writing

[sinNsincerity]

I really enjoyed this one, great minds think alike =D

[Kamari's]

Life is a endless ocean how wise I must agree

[TL Boehm]

Found this resonant. We all feel like we are losing the battle with the undertow sometimes. What also intrigued me about this was its lyrical quality. Beautiful words here, and would lend nicely to a song.

[micky]

Lovely piece Niyia I really enjoyed this one

[Avinash]

Nobody has found themselves unless they got lost in abyss. This is a first class poetry which touches your heart and fires the imagination. Thanks for inviting.

[Cahjli Symes]

Wow this is so deep. I feel this way usually. Its hard to stay afloat

[R Smith]

the darkness that can engulf the heart and mind, its a fearful thing bringer of dark thoughts and deeds, yet it may inspire such writings of which we can be proud, you have one here, well done :)

[Ink Seductress]

thank you so much

[Tree]

I rode this poem, I know this poem. Smart, & nicely composed. You read enough work on the internet and you know who puts their soul their time into a piece. Something else worth mentioning, is that as I read this I felt as if I were being read to. It's a phenomena I've noticed in some poetry. Where you can almost hear the poet's voice in your head, meaning not your own. It's rare. I think it happens when the poet constructs and labors over the poem as if they intended it to be read out loud so they add nuances, or tone that can only be construed as actual voice. I don't know if anyone else picks up on that or if I'm making any sense. Or maybe it just has to do with the clarity and execution of your writing that makes it sing in the head of the reader, a true and natural tone. I liked every single line here but this one I'll take to sleep with me: "Keep going with your ambitions, / Or drown with your hopelessness."


Hit home.


Diego Paz

[Ink Seductress]

No i fully well understand what you mean. It's like the author wove themselves in to those lines. It feels as if a story is being told and you can feel every octave and waver of the poets voice; you can hear the wistfulness in their words and at times the pain and agony. It truly is beautiful. You actually tend to write pieces that I feel as if you're reading the poem yourself, though I don't know what you sound like, but I can hear the emotion. This poem for example: "The imagination and You"

You were first created in sketch

form; pencil and black chalk. Just

a high school project when those forces kept

pulling you into strange places, but you’ll

recall a time before that

When I read this first stanza I experienced a beautiful tone that intrigued and pulled at me, as if demanding my attention. It swayed so beautifully; so intricately woven.

Loved it.

Thank you for your review, Diego.

[George Peck]

wonderful poem well understood. I've been there and so many others just not said so elegantly.